Who among us has never been played before? When it comes to relationships, there are always those who would be more than happy to take advantage of us before we even know what’s going on.
Of course, those signs aren’t always simple. Sometimes, when you think a guy is playing you, the truth is he’s just really unsure about how he feels (which often comes with the “I’ve been hurt before” guys) and needs a little time to figure it out.
Then, there are times when the guy has it figured out and you’re being played because…well, you’re there. Maybe he’s doing it to be a jerk, maybe he’s doing it because he needs the ego boost, or maybe he’s just doing it because he can. Whatever the reason, here are 10 signs you’re being played (and reasons you should definitely rethink your relationship).
#1 He Likes You… To Some Degree
If a guy says he likes you to some degree (yes, I’ve actually heard these words on more than one occasion), then you are definitely being played. He’s using your emotions to say, “Sure, I like you”…but adding the extra “to some degree” so he can say “I told you so” when he’s done with you. His feelings won’t increase, so don’t expect this guy to fall head over heels for you.
Now, some men are genuinely idiots when it comes to their feelings and they’re not sure exactly how they feel. When they aren’t sure, it’s not necessarily a sign of a player, but it is something to be cautious about.
#2 He Is Always Very Vague
If you ask your man a question and he’s always very vague, then he’s probably playing you. If asking him, “What are you doing tonight?” ends with, “Oh, you know, just some stuff,” or, “Not sure yet,” and he refuses to make plans with you…he’s definitely playing you.
First rule: A man who is interested in you will always want to make plans with you. If he already has definite plans, or even if he has to cancel your plans because he’s exhausted from a long day of work or an emergency came up, he’s still going to at least want to make a future plan with you.
If your guy is vague about his own plans, but refuses to make plans with you, then he’s playing you and he’ll only see you if it’s convenient for him.
#3 You Always Do His Plans On His Time
Another good way to tell if you’re being played is to pay attention to his agenda. I dated a guy who said that he hates going to the movies, so he never took me to see a film no matter how much I wanted to go. On the other hand, he went with his sister or his guy friends to the movies whenever a new movie came out that he really wanted to see.
This same guy would cancel any plans at the last minute that I wanted to do, but he would be more than happy to show up for his plans that we made. I was definitely being played.
#4 He Hides His Phone
If you’ve been in this relationship for a while and the guy hides his phone from you (or he just recently started this little trick), then there’s a good chance you’re being played. Most people in monogamous relationships are happy to relinquish their mobile phone, or tell their honey to, “Answer that for me, will you, I’m kind of busy with the dishes?”
A guy who hides his phone has something to hide.
Also, if he’s constantly checking his phone when you’re out together, or leaving quickly after receiving a text, you’re being played.
#5 When He Sees a Girl He Knows, You’re Not Introduced as His Girlfriend
Unless you’ve heard all about his best friend, and he’s told that friend all about you, you should always be introduced as his girlfriend. If he refers to you as his “friend” and you’ve been sleeping together, then you’re being played.
If he’s chatting with a woman he knows and doesn’t introduce you at all, or introduces you as his “friend” then you’re being played. If a guy likes you, he will invite you to his weekend parties or hang out with you and his friends.
#6 You Often Hear The Words, “No, Baby, It’s Not Like That!”
Is he always getting calls or texts from other girls? Does he cancel your plans at the last minute to go and hang out with the guys? When you confront him does he say, “No, baby, it’s not like that”? If you’re getting the “No, baby” line, then there’s a pretty good chance you’re being played. Vague answers with the defensive “it’s not what you think” are almost always bad signs.
#7 Emotions Are Never Talked About
Does your guy refuse to talk about his emotions with you? Sometimes, this is a self-defense mechanism for the guy who’s been broken-hearted before. More importantly, however, when you talk about yours, does he blow them off or make light of them?
If you’re trying to seriously talk about how you feel and your guy keeps blowing off your feelings or telling you you’re being too sensitive, then he’s playing you. This guy does not want to be emotionally involved and he’s definitely using you. Be wary.
#8 He’s Very Interested In You… Until You have Sex
Lust is such a wonderful thing, isn’t it? Men fall at their knees for you when they’re trying to get laid, they pay attention to you, they open the doors for you, they even text and call you asking you how your day was.
If your guy doesn’t keep up the good behavior AFTER you’ve had sex, but starts being attentive again in a couple of weeks (or drunk on the weekends), then you’re being played.
#9 He’s Ready to Leave After Sex
Another sure sign you’re being played is that your man jumps right out of bed and heads off after you’ve slept together. No cuddling, no future plans being made…he’s just done and gone. It’s a really bad sign, indeed.
#10 He Still Talks About His Ex
I once had a man tell me (in the middle of sex) that he really does love someone else, he was just using me for this. I was furious. I had another guy tell me that he’s still in love with his ex, while I was still lying naked in the after-glow.
Let me tell you, there’s nothing worse than being in bed with that third, invisible person.
If your guy still talks constantly about his ex, how much he loved her or how much he misses her, or even how badly she broke his heart…he’s playing you and you will never have him emotionally.
While sometimes men are just emotionally challenged, these scenarios are definite signs you’re being played and you need to be wary of them.
What signs can you think of?
Quite an insightful write up I must say. I’ve been experiencing something a bit worse than this. Can’t get my boyfriend of a year now to say I love you. He only says to me “I appreciate you” or “I miss you”. I have never met his friends or family members. When I ask why he simply tells me I will meet them at the right time. He barely makes out time to come see me but prefers that I come over. Will complain of time but would rather spend a lazy day or free time with his friends and family. Odd thing is this; whenever I tell him am not happy and want us to end the relationship he tells me to please stay and that he will try. Well he tries but his attempts are not winning. I guess am being played…sadly.
Hi Juliet,
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. If you’ve been dating a guy for a year and he’s acting that way, sadly you’re probably not much more than a glorified booty call. I’ve been there before. I’m actually going through something like it right now, as well.
It’s a difficult situation to get out of, especially when we really care about a guy and he doesn’t care about us in return. It might be in your best interest to see other guys, Juliet. It would definitely be better for you to find a man who loves you just as much as you love him.
Those guys are out there. It doesn’t feel like it sometimes, but there are over seven billion people in the world….half of them are guys. Which means, there are plenty of them, there’s no need to settle for one who doesn’t think you’re worth more than this. My heart is with you, keep strong. Don’t ever let anyone treat you less than what you’re truly worth, dear, and remember that you are worth more than gold. <3
Trina
Wow, thanks for replying. Its truly a sad situation because am usually a very strong and focused person but look at me doing a rebound with him. I have chosen to move on finally after he told me some days ago that he loves me but he ain’t seeing us getting married because I complain about his ways and seem to be dating him out of sympathy. He told me this crap after asking for a week break because he wanted to think. Trina I can’t deal and so I have taken my power back and also setting my gaze on new horizons now. His loss not mine! I hope you also find peace in your own process as you deal with your own situation. Thanks a million. I feel so good you replied because I stay in Nigeria and it’s cool to know I can get encouragement from someone far away as you. Thanks
Another warning sign: if after 10 months of being with him and he still refuses to accept you on Facebook for reasons “I don’t really use it/like it” you’re being played. Happened to me, turns out his gf was across the ocean doing an internship and of course he had her on FB and didn’t want me to see…plus all the things mentioned above also happened. Yup, I got played, hard.
Good read, thanks. I know how to be better and stronger for next time, won’t let THAT happen again.
That would explain the girl who I like only texts me. I heard she said to others about chatting with them on Facebook but then says to me that she is not into Facebook or texting and prefers to call. I tried calling but she instead texts me even then. Do you think that she is hiding something?
Here’s what happened to me… I liked a guy for a really long time. I never tried talking to him though because I was friends with his sisters, there was a significant age difference, He always had a girlfriend, etc.. At a party one night, We were both drunk, and he told me he liked me, He wanted to get to know me a little better, I was beautiful, and just the normal pick up lines a guy would use on a drunk girl at a party. He left the party and I forgot about him because I was drunk. Next morning I woke up and told my friend about it. He just so happened to be friends with her boyfriend. We went to hang out with them a few days after the party, He acted as though he liked me, Playing with my hair, Cuddling, Being the sweetest, picking on me in a nice way, Typical things. After a few hours of just hanging out, He started feeling on me.. After this, I kind of got the idea what was going on.. We had sex, but right after, he never said two words to me, and they took My friend and me home. I had the feeling I was being played, But by the way he acted before hand, I also had the feeling that there was something more there. Here we are 5 days later, He’s got a girlfriend. Yeah, I was played. I was played hard. Now, I’m just thinking of a way to get him back!
If he can play all the other girls including you and he’s always had girlfriends, now he’s got a girlfriend, chances are he could be doing the same thing to her too, she just don’t know it yet or she just don’t care. Just be glad you know what he’s like and just enjoy watching him play her and when she’s hurt
May be he didn’t like the sex.
Do you call that being played?
So why do you land so many bad guys telling you they love their ex?
Don’t you take time to check them out first?
so that all of my bad dating years could lead me to be an advice columnist. :)
Okay so Ive been going on dates and talking everyday with this guy, The other day he tells me I wish I could tell you how i really felt but idk i someone could read this? Is he just wanting me for sex and /or am I getting played. I really need advice
Kasie, if a man cares about you, he will tell you honestly. That line “I wish I could tell you how I really feel” is either insecurity or bull. you don’t need either of those things in a guy.
It’s never good to watch someone else hurt the way you were hurt, especially a woman you don’t know.
I’ve been going with this guy for about 2 months. We went out tons of times to get food and we went to a baseball game and had tons of fun. Then we got into a fight and decided to tone things down. Well I told him I wanted it back to where we were at and he said maybe at a later time. He said that his ex was still up his ass. Now take into account that they broke up 2 weeks before we actually started going out And she won’t leave him alone. Now two months later, we are getting back to the “I really like you ” stage and we had spent nights together before our fight and we have spent nights together after it too. Not as often though. We have talked more lately and about our feelings and he said he just needed to organize some things and that he still liked me and there was still hope for us… Am I getting played? Or is this the real thing and just complicated?:(
You just have to forgive us ladies or at least take us slowly.
This is coz we also need time to know “who” this girl is.
That is why the answers may be vague, we do not want to get into
emotion stuff, will not introduce as our girlfriend.
We also want to first sleep with you before we declare you girlfriend
because it may be a lousy experience and may shatter our future
thinking of happily ever after with you.
And yes we have to hide our phone because we are still not official.
So take it easy and cut us some slack.
If we like you and you keep feeding us your best cookies and
show proof its not worth those other worthless girls, we shall
definitely marry you.
Is that understood sweethearts?
Although these seem pretty spot on, you forgot to mention that these men are damaged goods and that it’s not us women who provoke bad behavior from good guys. Good guys won’t display this behavior. There is something wrong with men who act this way.
Very good points!
This is really good
After several attempts to go see her on a date she always ends up not available but insists on rescheduling for the next one. I really like her and we get along well. I just hope that she will not make me a broken man.
After a year and half messaging each other online, I finally decided to meet this man. I enjoyed a lot being with him as “two familiar strangers”, and I liked all those moments I first interact with him in real life. “We were both a little shy”, he said to me after that day. I was. But things went not that well after that day, he was always “just busy” with his work, and I lied once with him because I was already doubting this relationship. I think that he does not care about me (he was never asking details about my life, I was always the first to tell him this or that, I even asked him to talk to me….. and he never played the “father” role, even not the “good friend” role…..) So four months after the meet up, I quit the game.
There is this guy I met from work and we’ve been hanging out & getting to know each other. At first he seemed really into me, we talked all the time, had amazing sex, and so open and comfortable. He even said “we work so well together’. Then once I started giving him the attention he was giving me, since my feelings grew, it all stopped, all of a sudden he won’t come over, he told me he loves his ex still but likes me and wishes he wasn’t in such a complicated spot. He got a new phone and some how our messages just don’t send to each other, he doesn’t go to work anymore, he said he was sick and that he might leave because his other business is starting to pick up and he doesn’t talk to me the way he once did. I don’t understand, he’s such a great guy and a different type of guy that I normally go for and its hard to believe he would lie, especially since at the beginning he was so up front and honest and I really appreciated that, but now I don’t know what’s going on or what to do.
So basically I go to school with him and stuff and basically his ex came up to me and said “he said he has a plan for y’all” and I was like what and she never told me so I don’t know if I’m suppose to think I’m being played or just ask him about it I don’t know can someone please tell me.
Personally sounds like it. But I’m. No expert I hope people actually still come on these things
(only together for 3 MO) So me and my bf moved in really fast with each other. We did work the same job which h was amazing I lost my job but ever since then it doesn’t seem like he Callz me babe, Hardly kisses me. Doesn’t look happy anymore, can just be because he’s 27. But he got cheated on 20+ times from his last ex. He said he wants to marry me and spend the rest of my life with him. But I also have extremely bad anxiety, if been taking meds and they help. Me. But still don’t know if he’s still just gonna play me and use me for a place to have for himself.. HARD TO TELL,… I’M 19 I truly think it’s just me but it’s hard to tell at this point, do u think she just turned him cold hearted?