During, the heart-shattering pain of a breakup there are certain steps you can take that have stood the test of time and have proved themselves to be of great use when getting over a breakup.
Cutting off all contact after the initial breakup, allowing yourself to grieve the loss, and refocusing your life are all a part of it. There is no one sure-fire way to get over a heartbreak and what works for one person, won’t always work for you but at the end of the day, the steps you take, to allow yourself to heal will never be in vain.
Breakups, even when you know they were necessary, are hard and painful, and no matter how broadly you smile afterward, that pain lingers. We all want to skip over the hard part after a breakup but ignoring your pain and stifling your emotions is the worst thing you could do.
Breakups are varying degrees of difficult but any separation is going to be hard. And underneath it all, being rejected by someone you loved and cared about, sucks. But, the pain won’t last forever, and if you look hard enough, there’s always a silver lining.
Cut off all contact
The first and most important thing you can do is cut off all contact. Cutting off all contact means deleting them or blocking them from social media, deleting their texts, emails, and ignoring phone calls. It may take some time for you to be able to cut all of these connections and that’s okay.
As long as you do it. Even if you parted on amicable terms and you hope to stay friends with this person, you still need to cut off contact with them, it’s the first and hardest step you need to take. As much as we wish we could just stop caring about them, that isn’t how it works.
You’re still going to care and it’s still going to hurt. Which is why deleting them from your social media accounts is of the utmost importance. You need time to heal.
And as tempting as it is to give into that crazed desire to check up on them whenever possible and follow their news feed—don’t. Stop before you get started.
Don’t put yourself through that kind of grief. Side note, whatever you find out via their status updates is what they want you to see. It rarely gives you an accurate picture as to what and how they are doing.
And it will only cause you more heartache and pain. Don’t call them. Don’t text them. Zero contact. Accept the pain, let yourself feel it so that you can one day happily say you are over them.
All about you
This time is all about you. Right after the breakup eat pizza, eat a liter of frozen yogurt. Do whatever the hell you want to do. Cry. Yell. Watch your favorite movies.
Give into all desire for chocolate, at least for a week. Don’t reread past conversations. Don’t check up on them. Ask friends of friends how they are doing. Just focus on yourself.
This is perhaps the most important thing you can do for yourself. Take care of yourself the way you would take care of your best friend after their heart has been broken. And keep a journal, write down anything you need to. After a breakup, your feelings are going to be everywhere.
Angry, sad, mad…keeping a small journal on hand helps to navigate those complicated waters. Allow yourself to do what you need to do—even if all you’re up to doing is re-watching Gilmore Girls while eating pizza.
Speaking of pizza, there’s a time and place to focus on eating healthy, and it isn’t now. So don’t guilt yourself out of eating what you want. Just eat the pizza, worry about the diet tomorrow.
Playlist it
It was Victor Hugo who said: “Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.” You would be surprised at how cathartic listening to a good breakup song can be.
During a breakup, music may just be your new best friend. Breakup songs are plentiful. There are sad, forlorn breakup songs, angry breakup songs, happy breakup songs, all different kinds to suit whatever mood you may be in.
It’s best to work from the sad ones to the happy ones, with the angry songs somewhere in between.
Free time
All of your spare time, was taken up by them, and now that they’re gone, you have all this free time. Adjusting to your life after a breakup may be a struggle after all there is a very specific human-shaped-hole in your life and your schedule.
But instead of looking at this time as a sad reality, try to see it as it is. An opportunity! Get back into old hobbies, of find new ones to fill up the time that having a boyfriend/girlfriend took up. Make something beautiful with your hands in that idle time.
It’s not going to be easy to adjust to life after the dissolution of a relationship but picking up a new hobby can make the transition easier. And instead of being a big, gaping reminder of what you’re now missing, the free time you know have, can be a tool for you to expand your horizons.
The best advice you can be given is to take up a new or old hobby. When you’re in that beginning relationship stage all of your time, usually used for other things, is eaten up by time you spend with your sweetheart. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be unfortunate when you no longer have the time to do the things you used to enjoy.
That’s why, instead of being a reminder of your ex and how much you miss them, use the time that has opened up to create a new hobby or get back to things you love doing.
Time
It is going to take time for you to get over your ex. When a relationship ends you will have to go through the motions—it is a period of grieving. As much as you want to skip over the mourning period, you can’t. You need to ride the emotions—they’ll come in waves.
You need to be sad, angry, hurt, and grief-stricken. It’s not going to be easy but it will be worth it. Don’t bottle up your feelings. Don’t downplay what that person meant to you, feel the emotions, all of them, and accept what it feels like now that they are gone. You need to realize it’s okay for you to be hurt, angry and upset.
Refocus
When we are in a relationship it becomes very easy to get swept up in the moment and it’s possible to lose sight of what’s important to you—your goals may get put on the backburner along with your dreams and hobbies. Now that you and your boyfriend have split up, it’s time to refocus your life.
Get back to your roots and remember what’s important to you. We all make compromises in a relationship, but now that it’s over, you don’t have to anymore. One way to get back on track is to look through your journals to jog your memory.
Think about what you want to be doing, and where you want to be in one year, in five years, and in ten years. Think long and hard about this and then write it down and get started. This step has the potential to reinvigorate your life and open up a wide variety of opportunities you didn’t even know were out there.
Get going
So you’ve wallowed, you’ve cried, and you’ve been angry. You’ve taken care of yourself however you needed to and now you’re fed up with lazing around the house.
You want to move on with your life, get back to feeling good. So, it’s time to get going and get out of that house! Get back into the swing of life and call some friends up.
Go out and get moving! Friends are pivotal at this stage in the breakup, at all stages actually. Without the advice and fresh perspective from friends’ breakups are much more difficult. So if you haven’t already, call your friends up and make it a night to remember.
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