Social media cannot ruin your relationship, only you are in control of it. How you use social media can play a huge role in your life and it can definitely play a part in ruining your relationship, too.
Let’s face it, social media isn’t going anywhere. But that’s not the problem. The problem is how you present yourself and your relationship on social media. Here are the red flags you should look out for.
1) Being secretive
Your partner shouldn’t have to know all of your passwords to your social media accounts, but if you trust them it shouldn’t be an issue. If you are secretive it gives them the reason to be suspicious.
Being uncomfortable with them reading your tweets or scrolling through your Instagram, or closing down the page when they stand behind you, makes you look very guilty.
What is it you are trying to hide from them? There could be an innocent reason or maybe you would just like to have your privacy, but you need to at least communicate this to your partner and put their doubts to rest.
2) Stalking
The temptation to stalk people on social media can be overwhelming sometimes, but it can put a strain on your relationship. If you’re stalking your partner online, trying to find out every single one of his movements, it can be extremely off-putting. When you do this, you are crossing a line. They will assume that you are suspicious and therefore looking for confirmation of their betrayal.
It’s almost as bad as stalking exes. You probably want to know if they have moved on and what is currently happening in their life, but what are you really getting out of it?
Exes are exes for a reason. Move on. The same applies to stalking your partner’s exes – just don’t do it. Once you start it can easily turn into a habit. Don’t let your insecurities and jealousy destroy your relationship.
3) Oversharing
A relationship is between two people. It’s as simple as that. Your relationship problems should definitely be kept private. Turning to Facebook or Twitter and expressing your anger may seem like a good way to get everything out in the open, but you will regret it. The more people who know all of the details of your relationship, the more likely it is your relationship won’t last.
Posting photos of intimate moments are also unnecessary. Sure, if you both agree that you want to share it, then that’s OK. But you have to consider your partner’s feelings. When you share a photo of a special moment you had together it becomes less special when other people see it.
Public displays of affection show a sign of insecurity – you do not need to prove to the world that you are in a happy, committed relationship for it to be true.
5) “Liking”
Maybe you’re scrolling through your Instagram or Facebook feed and you see a picture of an acquaintance and without thinking about it, you give it a like. It doesn’t mean anything to you, after all, it was a nice photo so you liked it. No harm was done.
That’s until your partner sees it and they start asking you questions. Do you know them? Are you close? It’s completely unreasonable and you don’t know how to react to this interrogation. You thought you trusted each other, but now there are cracks starting to show.
Now, you hardly ever like pictures of anyone other than your partner and your close friends. To avoid another argument, you unfollow anyone who may seem like ‘competition’ to your significant other.
Social media isn’t the problem. It’s lack of trust. There shouldn’t be a problem with liking pictures – it’s not real-life, it’s done through a screen.
You probably don’t even know this person, so why should your partner be jealous of them? Perhaps you need to have a conversation where you discuss your feelings on social media and set some boundaries.
6) Being “single” online
Maybe instead of oversharing, you don’t share any details of your relationship at all. In fact, no one seems to know that you are in a relationship because you act single online.
You should behave the same way online as you would in real-life. Private messaging someone may seem harmless, but if you’re trying to hide it from your partner, that’s a red flag.
You don’t have to tell the world the ins and outs of your relationship, but they should at least know that you are in a relationship so they don’t get any mixed messages.
7) Unrealistic expectations
Some couples create a ‘perfect’ image of themselves on social media. They portray their relationship as a happy, healthy one, posting pictures looking completely besotted.
This makes you rethink your own relationship. You know you love each other, but you also have cracks in your relationship. And your partner never posts anything about you online, so maybe he’s not as happy as you thought.
It’s important to remember that what you see on social media isn’t always as it appears. Every couple argues and every couple faces problems at some point in their relationship, just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Often, people carefully select what they want people to see. They don’t want people to know about their problems – they want people to see only the good moments.
Also, it shouldn’t matter to you if your partner posts things about you online. Isn’t a private conversation worth more than a message online that hundreds of people will see?
Stop comparing your relationship to others as this only creates unrealistic expectations that you will never be able to compete with.
8) No limitations
Social media can become highly addictive. When you wake up in the morning, you reach for your phone to check what’s happening in the world. Instead of focussing on your own life, you become addicted to checking up on other people’s lives through a screen.
Sometimes you are so fascinated by your phone that you start neglecting your partner and this can build a wall between you. You may not be even realizing the damage it’s causing to your relationship until it’s too late. And you may not be the only one guilty of this, maybe your partner is just as much to blame.
Set some limitations for yourself. After a certain time of being online, switch off. It might be best to put your phone in another room so you are not tempted to pick it up.
Leave your phone in your bag all day when you go out for dates. Nothing is going to happen if you leave your phone for a few hours or even a few days – the online world will still be waiting for you when you come back to it.
The less time you spend on social media, the better impact it will have on your happiness and your relationship. Those strangers who you talk to online don’t know you like your partner does. That’s what you need to remember. Nothing can compare to someone being there in person.
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