When you’re going through a bad break up, although family and friends certainly mean well, the last thing you want to hear is, “Girl, you just need to get over him!”
As good as that may sound, ending an important relationship isn’t something that you can just “get over.” Like with any loss, it takes time and, usually, the amount of time it takes is often longer than you or the people who care about you would like. However, you can’t simply snap your fingers and be suddenly happy again.
Another thing well-meaning loved ones like to say is, “You know you just were too good for him anyway, so just get back up on the horse and start dating again. That will teach him!”
While your loved ones may be right—you may, in fact, be too good for him—it really doesn’t help to hear it. Maybe you’re not the yin to his yang, but you did love him, so making him sound “less than” does nothing but make you feel worse or like you need to defend him, neither of which will help you heal.
Getting revenge by dating someone else isn’t the best option either. First, you’re not really going to give the new guy a chance because the only reason you’re with him is to get back at your ex. Second, taking any action out of spite just keeps you angry. It consistently reopens the wound, making you hurt more and more.
So, what can you do to get over a bad break up when conventional advice won’t do the trick?
You start looking for unconventional, out-of-the-box things you can do to help your heart begin to heal. Let’s take a look at a few of them now:
1. Write your break up woes away
Have you ever been so distraught over a break up that, despite your best efforts (and your good sense of judgment), you call your ex and try to make amends?
This usually never goes well, so one way to keep it from happening—and save yourself some embarrassment along the way—is to do what one blogger suggests, start a breakup journal.
In a post on her blog, Salty Rachel shares that the way it works is this: “Every time my hand itches to pick up my phone and call my ex, whether to share good news or pathetically cry about how much I miss him, I try to choose the path of grace and write in [my journal] instead.”
Essentially, what Salty Rachel is saying is that a breakup journal enables you to get over your lost relationship by saying everything you want to say without having to face any of the negative consequences you’d have if you were to say it in person.
Another benefit of writing your thoughts down is, by sharing them in the book versus with those around you, it frees you from worrying about being judged. This allows you to be brutally honest, even if the truth doesn’t put you in good light.
2. Use the “candle technique” to ease your break up pain
Kasamba, a spirituality-based site shares that, while ending a relationship isn’t easy, “cutting the cord is not a passive act.” In other words, you can’t just sit and wait for the pain of your relationship to ease. You actually have to do something about it.
One option they recommend is called the “candle technique.” To do it, simply buy a black stick candle, etch your name on one side of it and his name on the other, then light it and “let it burn.”
As the flame dances in the air, your connection to him is said to weaken, cascading away with the rise with the thin trail of smoke and dripping wax.
Once the candle is a nub, they recommend throwing it in a brown paper bag, adding some sea salt, then throwing it out…getting it out of your life in much the same way that you’re getting rid of the old relationship.
3. Hold a moving on ceremony
If the candle technique isn’t appealing, the Woujo blog suggests that you have some type of “moving on” ceremony to signify the end of the relationship.
The goal is to get your mind to recognize this action as closing that particular chapter of your life and starting a brand new one.
One of the options they recommend is to clean, which can be purifying on its own. Another alternative is to do something that signifies the creation of a new life, one that doesn’t involve your ex.
This may include buying a membership to the gym to start feeling better about yourself physically, getting some new clothes so you feel like a new person, or joining a club where you can spend some of your newfound free time.
4. Download a breakup app
In this day and age, everything is digital…even getting over a bad break up. In this case, there is a breakup self-care app called Mend which “guides you through your break up day by day” in an attempt to soothe all aspects of your mind and soul.
The way this Los Angeles-based app works is by walking you through what they call the “28-Day Heartbreak Cleanse,” which involves going to the app daily, listening to an audio training, then completing a journal-based activity.
With this app, you also have access to stories meant to inspire you as you start to heal. Created by a female who went through her own breakup and couldn’t find the support she needed, Mend potentially represents the future of getting over your ex.
Just so you’re aware, there is a cost associated with Mend (which you can pay monthly, quarterly, or annually), so it’s not the cheapest breakup repair route. However, if this type of support resonates with you, then it may be more than worth the expense.
5. Pin up a vision board
Among other recommendations, one of the things that Vitacost says is beneficial to getting over a break up is to “vision board your new life.” Before you begin though, take a second and think about the type of life you want to live post-break up.
What do you see yourself doing or having? What kind of characteristics and traits do you exhibit? How are you different than you are right now?
Once you’ve answered these types of questions, the next step is to find images of the things that you’d like to see in your new life. For instance, maybe your ex didn’t like you hanging out with your friends, but you really miss them. Add pics of your best mates to your vision board, or even just an image of a woman hanging out with her gal pals.
Or maybe breaking up means that you’ll be able to take the money you were spending on him and buy yourself something nice instead. That new piece of jewelry you’ve been eyeing may make a great break up gift to work toward, so add a picture of it to your board to keep you motivated to move in the right direction.
Though the blog suggests using pictures in magazines, you can also find images online that you can print and add to your board. Regardless of where you find the representations of your future life, the ultimate goal is to get you to first recognize what you want and, second, to help you keep these visions in mind, essentially training your brain to go after them.
One last piece of advice…
Of course, these are just suggestions based on things that others have done to help them find peace with their break ups, even in the cases where they still love their ex.
However, because everyone is unique and finds solace in different things and different ways, it’s important that you come up with something that’s going to work for you and your broken heart specifically.
In the end, the quicker and more healthily you move past your old relationship, the better you’ll fare. No, it isn’t necessarily going to be easy, but nothing worth it ever is. Besides, YOU are worth it and that makes it more than worth the effort.
Got any unconventional break up strategies you’d love to share? Feel free to add them below. Who knows? Your idea may just be the answer to some other broken-hearted girl’s prayers!