Ah weddings, they really are something magical. Although we seem to forget that after the wedding, then comes marriage! It’s no secret that committing your life to someone is a HUGE decision and should never just be based on the fantasy of one special day.
If you know the question is coming or perhaps he has already asked, here are some extremely important questions to ask your partner. This isn’t about dissecting your relationship or hindering your future, but rather just going in with no blinders on, so that no one gets a nasty surprise along the way:
1) How do they feel about sharing money?
This might seem like an odd and insignificant first point, but according to statistics, finance is the main reason for relationship breakdowns.
They say that money is the root of all evil. Well in the case of love, it really is something to take very seriously. This isn’t about just starting a joint bank account and buying groceries together.
You need to ask the hard questions, like what if you earn less or more than him? Is he OK with that? What are your financial expectations of one another? Do you have any hidden debt or bad habits that either needs to know about?
You need to be completely transparent with one another and lay it all on the table. Managing money well not only makes your life less stressful, but it also makes your relationship less complicated. Whilst I think it’s still important to have some financial independence from one another, there shouldn’t be any deception or hiding going on.
2) Where do they see themselves in 5 years
Having a clear idea of what you both want in the future, will give you an indication of whether or not your marriage will last. Compatibility isn’t just about liking the same things, it’s about being on the same page, about the important stuff.
When we fall in love with someone, it’s easy to get swept away in the moment. But that’s just the thing, marriage isn’t a moment, it’s a lifetime commitment. If you want to have a strong marriage, then you both need to be heading in the same direction.
Do their values, dreams, goals and plans line up with your own? It’s so easy to drift apart over time, so make sure you are both working towards the same picture.
3) Where and how do they want to live?
So often we can have different dreams or careers that take us apart from each other, and not by choice. A good marriage will understand that there needs to be a compromise along the way. But there also should be the talk about what you both expect of one another and what you both want.
If you have jobs that keep you apart from one another, then you need to discuss logistically and practically how that will affect your marriage. Marriage isn’t about living in each other’s pocket, but it is about creating a unified life which means you spend more time together than apart.
Likewise, you need to also chat about your standard of living, so that you both know where you stand with one another before you commit to living together forever.
4) Do they want children?
Even if you aren’t sure if you want them, or you don’t want them now, it’s still a good question to ask. The child is a huge step in a marriage and life, it can also be a huge divider in a relationship.
I have known relationships to fall apart simply because the man or woman has changed their mind on the kids’ stance and now someone must make the ultimate sacrifice.
Basically, it comes down to being upfront about a future choice with one another. To keep a marriage strong and successful you have to want the same things because that is what will bring unity, peace, and progress. There should never be any tricking or guilt tripping someone into becoming a parent, it needs to be a mutual decision.
5) Are they OK if your body changes over time?
It might seem like a little bit of a drastic or non-related question to ask at the time, especially if you are both loved up. But the truth is people do change in more ways than one. A healthy marriage is also about understanding that people, situations, and emotions can change.
There will be seasons of hardship that can take a toll on our heart and body. It’s in no way a question that gives you permission to let yourself go, but rather it’s just a gentle reminder to your partner that no one is perfect.
As we age, have children or perhaps even go through sickness, all these things can and will affect the way we look. Make sure you marry someone who has fallen in love with your heart and mind, not just your appearance.
6) How important is sex to them?
OK, so you probably weren’t expecting that?! Sex isn’t just about shagging, it’s more about building a deep intimacy between one another. If one partner feels left unsatisfied or neglected, then this can lead to problems of resentment or unfaithfulness.
Being physical regularly with one another cements your bond, brings your closer and keeps the stress levels down and the endorphin levels up. It’s easy to get into a routine when you are together for a while and de-prioritise your sex life.
However, keeping it active will or at least being on the same page as to how much each partner needs will help save you from a whole lot of arguments.
And as always, before you marry someone, why not try pre-marriage counseling? It’s a great way to equip yourselves for the most wonderful love story yet.
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