Anyone who has ever been in a relationship has also gone through the heartache of a break up. For those of you who haven’t experienced this, consider yourselves extremely lucky.
Both men and women have their way of dealing with break ups for sure, but I’m here to tell you the top 7 RIDICULOUS things we all do after a break up! So, get your pajamas on and let’s get started.
1. Keep Ourselves Trapped in Our Rooms/Houses for at Least Two—Three Days!
Yes, after a break up we tend to act as if there’s somebody on the other side of our bedroom who’s going to kill us if we get out of bed. That person, my friends, is called heartache—totally kidding… sort of. We stay in bed all day after a break up with a box of Kleenex and just try to sleep it off.
The second day comes around and although we are able to get out of bed and head downstairs for some much-needed comfort food, we still will not leave the house! What if he’s out there? What if I run to Wendy’s or any other favorite fast food joint of mine and there he is at the drive-through window! What if he drives past me? Nope… going back upstairs.
Finally, there’s day three where we still have not showered and our hair has a strange tint to it. It’s then that we finally decide it’s time to face the world again, scrub ourselves off of that crappy break up and head out shopping!
2. Shop
After the first three days of hell, we decide that it’s time for a little retail therapy! We don’t care at this moment about how much money we’re dropping in Charlotte Russe, Forever 21, Vans, Mandees or Victoria’s Secret! We’ll regret it later.
Right now, we want to see the word APPROVED appear when we swipe our credit cards, hear the ‘ding’ of the cash register as the receipt is printed, and the ‘Thank you have a great day, please come again!” from the amazing sales associate. You can bet your bottom dollar I’ll be coming back again!
For most girls, knowing that we have new things to call our own is what we need at this moment. Shopping has never hurt anybody unless we have had so many boxes of shoes in our hands that we accidentally take someone out with them.
3. Watch a Really Depressing Movie like “The Notebook” and Realize Our Love Life Will Never be like a Movie
This is one thing I know for certain every female does after a break up. We sit around in our PJs, get a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, lay on the couch and turn on some Netflix.
We spend the next few minutes searching the romance genre or just finding movies with deeper meanings than we had originally anticipated and spend the next two hours crying our eyes out! We indulge in this activity alone, with our moms or even with our closest friends and just don’t care. This is actually one acceptable way to get our crying out.
4. Facebook Stalk Our Exes
At this point in the game, we’re feeling okay enough to gather up the strength and courage just to ‘see what our ex is up to.’ It is at this time where we begin to thoroughly search every incriminating post, picture and like as well as every single female who was recently added to their friends list! We’ll see that he added Elizabeth, Lacey liked his picture and status and he changed his profile picture to one of him and a dog…how original! We will then get so fired up that we decide to take action. This leads to the next ridiculous thing we girls do after a break up.
5. Taking a Hot Selfie
I am one hundred percent guilty of this. I once had a Facebook war with my current boyfriend when we broke up. He changed his status to something slightly rude yet completely directed at me without anybody realizing it and then he went on to change his profile picture to one of him and his brother.
I then went on to change my status to something well… just flat out evil and visibly directed at him. I then changed my profile picture to one of my brother and I… giving the middle finger. I don’t really know how we got back together after that, but we did.
Anyways, after a breakup, most of us begin to think that our exes have moved on because they take a new picture. So, we decide to one up them and take the most epic, beautiful, funny, captivating selfie with no filter and share it on every social media outlook possible. This includes but is not limited too Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pintrest, Google+, Flickr—heck, even your gamer tag on Xbox live! Anything that will show you still look good and you can do bad all on your own!
6. Talk About Him to all Your Friends
Yes, we are still twelve years old in this sense and decide, screw it, he sucks and we’re going to make sure the whole world knows it! We go on to what I love to call ‘foot-in-mouth disease’ (if you read my previous article “What Not To Do On a First Date: 5 Topics To Stay Away From,” you will recognize this term).
With this terrible disease, we say things either the wrong way or in a mean way and just keep going and going and going until we just can’t take back what we’ve said. We begin to talk about the break up to one hundred of our closest friends. Then, we begin to trash talk him or her to two hundred of our closest friends, even his friends! Finally, we realize… maybe we shouldn’t have told that many people and maybe we should text him or her and apologize.
7. We Text Them and Start the Process all Over Again!
Once the first 6 ridiculous steps are over, we get to step number 7 and completely screw ourselves out of the healing process! Yes ladies, we decide to do the stupid thing and text him or her and pour out our feelings of regret, misery and love. Then, it gets worse.
We agree to meet up with them! They will decide to look extra yummy on this meet up, more yummy than us, and we fall back into the cycle again. All is forgiven and a few months later (hopefully I’m wrong), we repeat 1-6 all over again until we muster up enough courage to say, “I’m better than this”!
Coming from a female who has been through many break ups in her young life, I can tell you from experience that break ups suck. I’ve been the person to stay in her room, spend all her money, eat tons of ice cream, do some Facebook stalking and talk a lot of smack on top of it!
Nobody knows why us girls do this; it’s just a girl thing. These are the 7 ridiculous things we all do after a break up that no matter how often we say, “I’ll never do that again,” somehow, we will manage to do it all over again!
So, this leaves me with one final question ladies: Which one of these 7 ridiculous things are you guilty of?
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