Whatever the circumstances, finding out that your boyfriend or husband cheated on you is one of the worst realizations you may encounter in your emotional life. Sometimes, the relative shortness of the relationship may deflect some of the pain, but usually, it doesn’t help.
But, there are ways to get over his infidelity. We were, as a species, built to overcome difficulties like these, and you are not an exception. If you feel you’re still in love and think about forgiving him, don’t shy away from it. Many successful marriages have gotten through infidelity (affair is a lot more challenging, but something like a one night stand is often mendable), if love is mutual and strong enough to sustain the pressures that break other relationships.
Here are 6 steps for happiness after infidelity:
#1 It May Happen Again
Accept that you weren’t immunized by this experience. Knowing and understanding that it may happen all over again, no matter what you do will make you wiser and more prepared if you ever again go through something like this.
#2 It Was not Your Fault
You didn’t ‘’push’’ your boyfriend or husband into an affair. He decided to start one; you didn’t have to do anything with it. If he was unhappy, he should have talked to you. Instead of that, he embraced his mistress. There are reasons why men cheat but ultimately, the responsibility lies on them. Don’t blame yourself for that.
#3 Don’t Play the Investigator
You will almost certainly be tempted to go over your relationship and look for clues why this had happened. I advise you don’t do that right after the brake up (I will assume you are no longer together). Even then, do it by being aware of your feelings.
If those memories still hurt, try to understand why. Don’t play the role of a detective that looks for clues in the past events that may explain his affair. This kind of objective analysis is only a subconscious way to think about your relationship and the man that you most probably never truly got over.
#4 It couldn’t be Avoided
Some women I have talked to spent a lot of time fantasizing about what could have been if they hadn’t found out about their partners affairs. This is emotional torture and they administer it on themselves. They gain no wisdom or closure by doing it. Sadly and simply, it happened, and no amount of made up scenarios can change this.
#5 Don’t Shut Down
I know it’s preferable to feel nothing instead of feeling pain. But, in the long run, you’re not a robot or any other creature without feelings. Express your feelings anyway you can, whatever they might be. Don’t lash out on your loved ones, but also don’t pretend you feel fantastic if you, instead, want to cry and talk about your ordeal.
Shutting your emotions somewhere deep inside won’t erase them.
#6 Enjoy Life
Rediscover yourself. Do one thing that you always wanted to do. Travel. Reconnect with your friends, especially those from your childhood. Call all those family members you haven’t talked to for a long while.
Involve yourself in a charity, or do some humanitarian or pro bono work. Helping others is a great way to feel better about yourself, while at the same you’re giving something back to the community. You probably want to stay in your living room, parked in front of the TV, feeling miserable. Don’t.
Even if you have to force yourself, go outside and interact with people.
Doing stuff like this will help you reconnect with your most basic self, the personality that lies underneath all the disappointment and sadness.
There is still a whole world out there, and you will miss it if you don’t decide to once again find happiness after he cheated.
You must regain your confidence, damaged by this ordeal. No matter how tough or self-reliant you become after it, know that there are no assurances that this won’t happen again. If it does, you should be ready for it.
Trust me, you will overcome it by maturity, past experiences and the willingness to work on yourself. In the end – time heals the deepest wounds.
It is usually the woman that cheats and wants to dissolve the marriage – look at the stats. I get tired of always reading articles about when your man cheats. My wife married the choir director after being married to me for 34 years.
My husband cheated on me and I find out that he was having fake Facebook and talking to a lots of women for more than 9 years I was married for 10 years and half. It’s hard to trust any man now. Why they do that ?