Relationships

20 Signs You’re Dating a Loser

Does something not feel right about the guy you’re with? Are you worried he might not be right for you (or any other woman on this planet)? You might be right. Here are 20 signs you’re dating a loser.

I should have a magnet on my fridge that says, “You’re not the worst I’ve dated.” Seriously, you can’t imagine some of the losers I’ve had the misfortune of meeting.

But it isn’t always noticeable, is it? Sometimes you think you’re dating a great guy, but then later you realize he wasn’t really that great. Maybe it was love that blinded you (or sex…sex can be pretty blinding), or maybe it was just that he was so suave you didn’t notice until it was too late. Usually, I don’t notice because I don’t WANT to notice, I keep hoping the jerk will end up being a nice guy. I’ll tell you now, they never do.

Here are 20 signs you’re dating a loser (and you need to get rid of him quick!).

#1 He Walks in Front of You

Real men never walk in front of you unless it’s to open the door for you. If you’re dating a man who always walks in front of you, leaving you straggling behind trying to keep up, then you ought to know that this guy will always leave you behind.

He will never consider you his equal, he will never put you first, and he will not take your opinions and feelings into consideration because he puts himself ahead of you (and everyone else).

Now, if your guy occasionally walks ahead of you because he’s super excited over something (the ball game you’re heading to or the new video game he’s nerding over), that’s okay. But if you’re strolling through the park or walking through the museum – or just having an average day – and he walks in front of you, then he’s a loser.

#2 He Always Forgets His Wallet

A man who always forgets his wallet, or who never has money because “he’s saving up” for something, is a loser and you should get rid of him. If he cannot man up enough to pay for dinner and show you that he can be the bread-winner (or modern day “hunter” alpha male), then he’ll never man up and you’ll always be taking care of him. Really, don’t you want a man who will take care of you?

#3 He Never Asks About Your Feelings

Any man who really cares about you will care about how you feel and what you’re thinking. If you are dating a guy who never asks why you’re upset, doesn’t seem interested in how your day was, or couldn’t give a damn if you are feeling lonely tonight, then you’re not really dating. This guy is using you – probably for sex. He’s a loser and not only will he not care about your feelings, but he’ll wreck your heart if you keep him around.

#4 He’s Unsupportive

The first sign I’m not going to date someone is when I tell him I’m a writer and he doesn’t say “Really? What do you write?” If he has no interest in your job or your interests, then he’ll never support you in your endeavors.

More importantly, if you date a guy who says, “Wouldn’t you rather do (insert something random and high class here) instead?” then you know you’re dating a man who will never support you. My ex wanted me to switch college majors so he could tell his mom and dad I was a doctor and so he could “be proud of me.” Notice I said “ex,” right? Losers never support the real you.

#5 He is Never Available When You Need Help

Flat tire? PMS? Parent in the hospital? Your man is nowhere to be found…or too busy to show up. This is the kind of guy you don’t want in your life. He’ll never, ever be there for you.

#6 He’s Disrespectful of Your Family

It doesn’t matter how much my mom and I fight, if my guy disrespects her then the relationship will never work out. It’s imperative you recognize at the beginning that a real man will respect your family, even if he doesn’t like your family.

#7 He Accuses You of Cheating

Any guy who accuses you of cheating is a loser. More importantly, he’s going to be a jealous and controlling guy who is probably cheating on you and wants to somehow put the blame on you instead. If you’re with a guy who is jealous and full of irrational accusations, then you’re in an abusive relationship. His behavior will only get worse. Don’t stay with this man.

#8 He Puts the Guys Before You

Not all losers are outright jerks. I dated a guy who was very nice and sweet, but he always put the guys first. We were at the movies once and he left in the middle of the movie because his buddy called him! Of course, we dated six months and we didn’t have sex; later he ran off to Vegas with his buddy…so maybe I should have seen the signs. Still, even if your man isn’t playing for the other team, he still shouldn’t put the guys before you! If he does, he’s a loser and you will never come first in his life.

#9 He’s a Liar/Cheat in Life

I dated a man who tried to steal a book from the bookstore while I was with him. He said he was “an opportunist” who had no problems taking from large companies. In my opinion, that’s just a polite way of saying he’s a thief. If you’re dating an “opportunist” then you’re definitely dating a loser. Get rid of him; he’ll only cause you trouble later. Besides, you don’t want to get arrested because he’s a dumbass.

#10 He Talks Badly About His Mom

Any man who can easily talk badly about his mom or disrespect her will never have respect for you or any other woman in his life. A man’s first love is his mother; a man who does not love his mother is not really a man – he’s a loser.

That’s not saying he can’t argue with his mom or get upset when she drives him crazy once in a while, but if he’s degrading her or known to have ever hit her, then you really have to get rid of him now.

#11 He Doesn’t Have a Job

I don’t care what the economy is like, you can always get a job at McDonald’s. If your man is too good to flip burgers to provide for his family, then he’s a loser. It’s that simple.

#12 He’s Disrespectful of Women

Has he ever referred to a woman walking down the street as a “sl*t” because she’s in a short skirt? Has he ever said, “I’d like to punch her in the face” about a woman he doesn’t like? If this or anything similar has ever come out of your man’s mouth then you’re dating a loser.

Real men do not talk about hitting women or refer to women as sl*ts, wh*res, tramps, or anything else derogatory. Ever.

#13 He Treats You Badly During Sex

You’re dating a loser if you’re dating a man who is too aggressive and demanding in bed. If he’s more interested in his own orgasm and doesn’t care about yours, if he chokes you or pulls your hair knowing you don’t like it (or is otherwise purposefully aggressive) “just to be mean,” then he has to go. I had a lover get rough with me and when I said, “Hey, no I don’t like that,” he replied, “I was just being mean.” No man who respects you will ever be mean to you during sex.

I’m not talking about consensual bondage or BDSM; I’m referring to him just being a jerk in bed. If you’re dating a man who doesn’t care about your sexual feelings and preferences, then he’s a loser.

#14 He Treats You Badly After Sex

Equally as important, if he’s sweet as pie to you before you have sex, but then treats you badly right after sex, he’s a loser. If he jumps up and leaves right afterwards or is gone before you even have time to get dressed, then he’s not worth having around. Believe me, there are other men out there who will treat you right after sex because they’re smart enough to know that you might have sex with them again if they’re good to you.

#15 He Doesn’t Have Basic Manners

Does he burp loudly at a fancy restaurant? Is opening the door for you something he seems to think is outdated and unrealistic? Does he talk during a movie or answer his cell phone in the library? These are all things that show you he’s inconsiderate of those around him – including you.

#16 He’s Never Happy

If you are doing everything you can to please your man and he’s never happy with your efforts, then he’s a loser. First of all, you should never have to put in the effort to please a man (he should be pleasing you). Second, if he’s that dissatisfied then you’re never going to be able to make him happy.

Now, if he’s naturally unhappy and a pessimist about life in general, then he’s a loser and you need to get rid of him. Seriously, that kind of negative outlook will have a really bad impact on your relationship and his future endeavors.

#17 He Belittles You

Any man who talks down to you and makes you feel worthless is automatically a loser, but if he talks badly about you to his friends then he’s just as much a loser as well. The only reason a man would ever talk badly about you or belittle you to someone else is for his own ego boost. The kind of man who gets his own personal gratification by belittling you is not a man.

#18 He’s a Jerk to His Friends

Of course, it’s not just belittling you that makes a man a loser. If you have a guy who is a jerk to his friends and belittles them or talks badly about them, then you’re dating a loser. People don’t talk badly about their friends; they say good things about them. Friends encourage each other and help each other; they don’t bring each other down. If your man is being a jerk to his friends either in front of them or behind their back, then you can already see what kind of man he is.

#19 He Only Does What He Wants to Do

I have fallen into this loser trap so many times it’s not even funny. I’ll date a guy, I’ll go along with his plans…then we’ll make plans that I want to do and he’ll somehow find a way to cancel them or get too busy to make them happen. In other words, his plans are always more important than yours, and he will do whatever he can to make sure you remember that. This guy is not only a controlling ass, but most certainly a loser. It’s also a tough one to notice at first, so be wary.

#20 He’s Unaffectionate

Emotionally unavailable and “cold fish” men are losers that you need to stay away from. If he is not sensitive to your needs then he’s a jerk. If he can’t cuddle you after sex, hold your hand in the park (because “it feels too close”), or thinks that seeing you once a week is too needy of you, then he is certainly a loser and he’s only after sex or money. He’s using you for one reason or another. You have to get rid of him quick! More importantly, if he takes advantage of your emotions and then uses you, he’s a loser as well and you need to move on.

Lose the losers, ladies! So tell me, what kind of loser have you dated?

About the author

Trina

Trina

Just another hard working mom who loves her kid, loves to write, can’t cook, and has a thing for tentacles! When I’m not hanging out with my Spawn, I’m happily sharing my dating experiences and offering advice and trying to control the chaos that comes with being human.

19 Comments

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  • Flipping burgers at MacDonald’s does not allow to provide for the family. It most certainly does not make you the bread winner. At most, it allows you to live with your parents and help them pay the bills / contribute to the shopping / food expenses. Granted, if no other job was available at that given moment, then I would take it without hesitations. One must work. Fundamental. But whilst in that job, I would never even dream of dating someone. For the simple reason that I would not be able to offer her anything at all. It would be unfair of me to put her through that.

  • I agree with a lot of what you nicely wrote, but Rule 16# line 3 raises questions & eyebrows. I quote “First of all, you should never have to put in the effort to please a man (he should be pleasing you).” I agree with the rule but not with this line at all. I don’t believe any feminist would actually agree with this line too. “A man should be pleasing a woman, but she should never put in the effort to please the man”. Unless of course she’s the queen of paradise, otherwise they both should be putting in effort to make each other happy. This line aside, I like the way you write and I agree with everything else. :)

    • You are quite right, I should retract that to say that “an effort should be made on both parties in the relationship”. It was meant to be a quirky joke, not a serious statement or feminist opinion. :) I’m glad you called me on that comment!

  • Great article. I just read this to make sure I made the right decision dumping the guy I was dating for the past couple of months. I definitely did! lol He had so many of these awful characteristics. I would always ask about his day and love hearing about stuff going on in his life, but he never reciprocated. It was like he didn’t give a crap about my job, my hobbies, or my life. I’ve met people on airplanes who seemed more interested in my life. Oh well. NEXT! lol. I’m just happy that I realized all of this now rather than after years of dating this loser. I bookmarked this. Thanks!

  • Your article has a lot of valid points. I indirectly knew this woman who married this man who is a drug addict, lived in a homeless shelter, and was jobless at the time. One can come to the conclusion that the only reason he married her was so he could better his situation. During their marriage, he was horrible to her. He abused her emotionally and physically. He was unable to contribute to their household financially which made him a freeloader as well. As soon as he met somebody else, he began to cheat and left her. While it may not be for me to wonder, I will always wonder why a lot of women (and a few men) find themselves in these predicaments? The moral of the story is that that no good bum’s mistress left him and he found himself right back in that homeless shelter. Talk about poetic justice!

    • They say love is blind, but it really doesn’t have to be. It’s sad when people treat people so hurtfully.

  • I mate a ….I’ll say a dude because he does not deserve the title man. I met this dude on the Internet he seemed really nice sweet and reliable and weeks after I met him he professed that he love me and I kind of felt forced and set it back but later actually fell in love deep in love couple months after moving in he shown me how jealous he was insecure and distrusting. my life had been turned upside down I felt like I was in jail in my own home. everything made him mad and everything made him emotional I couldn’t win for losing. he was like a sad little dog with his tail between his legs, but in front of family and friends he portrayed to be big and bad and always angry when They seen him as weak. he rarely paid for anything and when someone else is buying it he had to have the best he had no friends and the ones that I did meet we’re all weed heads meth heads crackheads but he claimed they were his friends only people that he knew the neighborhood he dream big unattainable dream and later put parental controls on my TV because I could watch football because he didn’t want me looking at other men. couldn’t watch b.e.t note that I’m black. and the list goes on. he was a very bad poor sport even when playing with kids if they won he would tell them why they won or how he let them win and if it was an adult game he never wanted to play because he can’t have people watch them lose. he cry every single day more than my kids more than any for your old and he loved when I chased him every time you ran off to his car to cry more. he would want me to hold him as if I was his mom and he was like a child. one time when I was intoxicated he take a sex video of us without me knowing. I found out when trying to take a picture of my kids on the tablet. he talked me into doing my taxes online and then when I was sleep He changed my accounts to his install over 9000 dollars of my taxes. me and my 3 kids were homeless and was forced to move from Portland Oregon to Texas with my father for shelter. he has also stole my IP address so he follows me on the Internet inbox me out of certain things even as I type this how do I get rid of this loser his name is Christopher Neil Lewis age 39 I hate him with a passion. I’m in a whole nother state and he still trying to have control over my life can you say bipolar can you say disorder can you say multi personalities.

    • “Sorry !” About the smelling and misplaced words. I just get so angry talking about him I can’t even type.

      • Honey, I highly recommend you ask for legal help or get a restraining order. This is far out of my realm, take it to the authorities.

  • Married this guy….divorcing asap! Found out through our kids that he’s allegedly engaged but is b*nging the kids babysitter ( two different women ) ! Unbelievable!

  • I need my eyes to be opened. I know he’s a d*ck but I just keep going back for more! Please help me realise he’s a d*ck!!!!!!

  • Been dating a man for three months and he is not affectionate at all. Has not once told me I’m beautiful. Sex is eh… ok. No real intimacy at all. He has a very hard time communicating his feelings because he has never been told from his mom and dad that they love him his entire life. He’s in his 40’s. ever been married has no kids. Doesn’t want any . I’ was married and have a grown daughter. Ive told him my feelings and he still has yet to tell me how he really feels about me. I’m spinning my wheels with him.

  • Point 1, if he doesn’t treat you as his equal he’s a loser. Point 2, he should treat you as his equal, but just not when it comes to paying the bill. That he has to do, or he’s a loser.
    Didn’t need to read any further. Most stupid rubbish I’ve ever seen. A woman who demands to be treated as an equal only when it suits her is the real loser.

  • I agree with all the points except the first one. I am a fast walker, and I can’t help that. It is physically impossible for me to walk slow. Walking slow is pretty much stopping and starting, stopping and starting, et cetera. I admit that I’m the asshole who maneuvers around a crowd of slow walkers ahead of me, just so I can still walk at my natural pace. Anyway, fast walkers don’t walk fast because they’re jerks, they walk fast because that is the only physically possible and nonawkward way they can walk.

  • I’ve been married for 22 years and recently filed for divorce. All these things describe my husband when dating and in the marriage. I just thought he wasn’t raised better and would care once I explained how these things hurt or degraded me. He didn’t. That is who they are. It comes from inside. Listen to what she says. I stayed to be a barrier between him and the horrible affect he would have had on my children if we shared custody. He is extremely emotionally abusive. Compulsive liar, narcissistic. Listen and leave anyone who does these things. One of the FIRST things I noticed is him always walking in front of me. When I would ask him to walk with me he would tell me I need to keep up. I was such a loving and forgiving person that I just tried to work with him. He wanted me to check a box and provide a family and help him fund his wants but when I failed to do that to his expectations and my looks aged from life as is natural, he badgered me to do more, improve myself, contribute etc. It became unreal how demeaning and horrible the things he said to me became. I was no longer serving his needs. You and your kids will be objects that belong to him. Your hopes feelings and happiness are irrelevant. So look for all these signs. Respect yourself more and know they aren’t going to mature more or become better men with age. Don’t fool yourself the way I did with a compassionate heart. Compassion and understanding is not meant for you to make yourself a slave to someone. There is no honor. Believe him when he shows you who he is.

  • I was searching “why a man walks behind you”. This irritates me lol. Everything I came across was that he’s protecting you.. or hes respectful of you to let you go first etc.. I dont believe that s*** for a minute, because of my experiences in dating a full blown narcassist. His reason for walking behind was to attract oncoming women, no matter what they looked like to feed his need to make me jealous, then to act like they were gauking at him because they thought he was goodlooking. To me he was, but only after I was tricked into loveing him.. but the reality was he was overweight, bald and boisterous, always needing to be the center of attention. Having lived this, I believe a man that walks behind his date, rather than at her side, to gently step before her to open a door or something is a sign that he has narcassistic tendancies to develop later after a new date gets trapped by him. I went to dinner with a man that did this.. NOPE! LOL. Walk at my side dude or shew!