If you want to fall in love, then you’re definitely not alone there. Love definitely makes life worth living and it’s truly unlike anything else you’ve ever experienced before.
But all the romantic songs, movies and novels out there pretty much show you the happy times. They’re all about the big deal kisses when the end credits roll, and you rarely see the cracks in the surface or the little problems along the way.
You know that despite how great love is, it’s not as easy as it can sometimes seem. You go through so many ups and downs in a relationship that it can test your patience and make you feel a whole rainbow of emotions.
Whether you’re currently in love or hoping to find it someday soon, you definitely want to be in it for the long run. And that’s totally and completely possible. Read on to find out how to have a long lasting relationship. Because you deserve it.
1) Fight with an end goal
You know that you’re going to fight with your boyfriend. That’s just the way that it goes. It’s not possible to be happy with anyone 24/7. It doesn’t mean that you’re not truly in love or that your relationship needs to end. All it means is that you’re both normal human beings and you’re part of a normal couple.
But if you want your relationship to last (which you probably do since you’re still in it), then you need to fight with an end goal. That means talking to your boyfriend about issues and problems that come up but keeping a solution in mind.
If you’re upset that he’s not spending enough time with you, or that you don’t seem to be on the same page when it comes to your future or how much you’re each committing, you need to have a serious conversation.
But make sure that you get what you want from the talk. If you don’t, you have to keep chatting until you figure it out, or you might realize that you two just aren’t as well matched as you thought.
2) Have realistic expectations
Expectations can kill even the best relationships. Think of it this way: if you think your boyfriend is going to surprise you with flowers and a fancy dinner on your one-year anniversary but he does absolutely nothing, how do you feel? Pretty awful, right? You’re definitely pissed because you had an expectation that wasn’t met.
If you can have more realistic expectations, then your relationship has a much better shot of working out. That’s because unfortunately, as much as you wish you could make your boyfriend act the way that you want him, that’s just not the case. Funny how that works, right?
It’s totally possible that your boyfriend still loves and cares about you, but he’s just not into showy gestures. But just because he’s not a fan of romance doesn’t mean you guys can’t work things out. Figure out some realistic expectations and talk to him if it’s really bugging you.
3) Keep the friendship alive
Sometimes you’re friends with your boyfriend for a long time before things get romantic. And sometimes you go on a blind date or meet via a dating app so things are pretty obviously romantic from the start.
But you definitely have to keep the friendship alive if you want your relationship to last a super long time. You have to have a common bond of some sort, whether you have the same favorite genre of movies and TV shows, or you work in the same industry or anything like that.
The sad reality is that things change and hormones fade. So you definitely need a strong base to go on. Your friendship is your relationship’s foundation.
4) Keep talking
Never stop talking about everything under the sun, from your days at work to what movie you’re dying to see next. Your conversations should be about things that are more serious and subjects that are lighter and more fun, and you should never be afraid to tell each other what you’re thinking and feeling.
Once you stop talking, your communication skills have gone out the window. And you definitely know how important those are. It doesn’t matter how much of a physical connection you and your boyfriend have. That’s just one piece of a successful relationship, not the entire thing.
If you feel like you two are speaking less than usual, or if work and life seem to be getting in the way, then schedule some date nights to get back on track ASAP. This is really not something that you want to let go.
5) Forget traditional romance
Roses are red and adorable and romantic, but they die pretty quickly. And expensive dinners out are, well, expensive. If your idea of romance is super traditional, your relationship might not work out too well.
You can’t be with someone based on what society expects. So that means that you and your boyfriend have to find your own version of romance and figure out what works for you. Maybe you prefer staying in to going out and you’re all about being low-key. That’s totally cool, as long as you’re both happy.
Try to forget what society has told you about celebrating birthdays and anniversaries and Valentine’s Day. You just might find that you’re okay with something less crazy and that your relationship matters more than pricey dinners out or gifts that you can show off.
6) Find someone with similar dreams
You probably already know that if you want to get married and have kids someday, you might want to find a partner that feels the same way. That’s definitely the key to a long lasting relationship.
After all, you don’t want to waste your time with someone who doesn’t want the same things as you. That’s just asking for tears along the line.
You also want to find a boyfriend that has similar dreams. This could be for any part of your future, from your health goals (like wanting to get fit and start eating better) or your career.
If you find a partner that’s also goal oriented and wants a lot from their life, that can be a really great, long-term love story for you.
7) Never resent
If you resent someone, it makes it pretty hard to love them properly, and it definitely makes it tough to be compassionate toward them.
Never resent your partner, and especially not if you want things to work out. It’s so much better to appreciate them for who they are instead of expecting them to change when that’s just not going to happen. Seriously, how many times have you tried to get a guy to change? And how many times did he actually do it? Exactly.
If you can accept your boyfriend for who he really is, then that’s setting you up for success. Remember that he’s not being lazy on a Sunday afternoon because he hates you and doesn’t want to help you with chores.
He’s just trying to relax after a long week at the office – like you should be if you’re totally honest with yourself.
8) Stop showing off
Sure, you like to post couple selfies on Instagram and brag about your sweet boyfriend on Facebook. But is that really a good idea? Is that going to make your relationship last?
Not necessarily. The truth is that if you care more about what people think about your relationship than the relationship itself, that’s not going to work out too well for you.
You shouldn’t feel the need to share every little thing your boyfriend says to you or everything that you’re thinking and feeling. If you do, you’re just looking for attention or you’re insecure about your relationship.
If it’s the real deal and you want a long lasting relationship, then you need to keep private things just that – totally and completely private. Forget the sharing and focus on what really matters.
9) Remember who you are
Sure, you’re super in love and you want to be with this person forever. But that absolutely doesn’t mean that you should forget who you are or stop doing the things that you love.
Keep up everything that matters to you in your life, from happy hour drinks with your best friends to the barre and yoga classes that really give you an energy boost.
Your boyfriend needs to spend time on his own too, and when you both make a real effort to keep your own personalities and lives intact while still being a couple, you will see the rewards.
At the end of the day, love needs to be built on a strong foundation. So if you have all these things, from a realistic view of romance to an understanding that you need to keep up your friendship with your partner, then you’re on the road to long-term love.
Have you ever struggled with long-term relationship problems? What’s your advice for a lasting relationship? Let us know in the comments below!
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