Love is a tricky thing. No one has ever really been able to explain it since it’s something you feel. Some people feel it differently to others, which is why there’s no one size fits all when it comes to matters of the heart. However, if you’re paying attention, you can tell when the love has changed for the better or worse.
As you’re probably aware, love is never really something you can plan, and you may wait a long time before it happens for you. When it does, it’s an amazing feeling. As time goes by, we get comfortable.
It’s something that just happens—especially if you’re not paying attention. Comfort, however, is good. Taking advantage of the comfort is detrimental to your relationship—often leading to the love slowly disappearing.
If you’re unsure of your status, keep the following 10 tell-tale signs in mind when assessing your current relationship. You may find yourself strongly bonded with your partner, or in a tricky situation that reveals a loveless relationship. Good luck!
1. “I love you” turns into “love you.”
It may seem like a comfort status, but you should pay attention to “I love you”that turns into “love you.” It’s extremely easy to fall into the comfort trap where, even if you don’t mean to, you begin to take advantage of your partner.
I love you turns into love you, and before you know it, you forget why you love the person in the first place. It’s one extra letter that takes a second to say. Don’t refrain from using it.
2. You refrain from ‘future-talk.’
Dreaming about the future is one thing, but talking about it with your partner is an absolute must if you see yourself spending your future together. It’s extremely important for the health of your relationship to talk about future plans whether that includes marriage, a vacation or even children. Those are the things that help relationships to grow, and the minute you stop is the minute you should pay attention.
3. Cuddles become fewer
Cuddling with your partner is a great sign of feeling love and giving it. Maybe you’re convinced you’re not a cuddler—fair enough. However, cuddles don’t necessarily have to mean hours upon hours of laying together and spooning on the couch. It can simply mean a tight squeeze in the morning, or finding yourself grabbing onto your partner as you sleep, and vice versa.
4. Intimacy turns into sex
Every relationship needs intimacy, which usually goes along with sex. However, when the intimacy disappears and sex is the only thing that’s left, that’s when you should know that you’re no longer in a loving, giving relationship.
It’s most likely turned into a convenient, time filler. No relationship can survive only on sex. Soon you’ll find yourself having your physical needs met but the emotional ones neglected.
5. Meaningful conversations become fewer
Ever heard of couples with poor communication skills lasting a lifetime? If so, there aren’t enough to use as a strong example. The reason for this is that most women need to be heard and would love to know what their partners think. If you’ve stopped having real conversations, it’s time to reevaluate why you’ve stopped communicating. Perhaps you need to start before you lose it completely.
6. Nitpicking becomes more frequent
The first sign of any person being irritated, especially within a relationship, is constant nitpicking. Women have a tendency to follow through on this one, normally holding things in and reacting to them in this particular manner. It’s important to recognize this and figure out why you’re so irritated. Have an adult conversation with your partner about it. Who knows, maybe it’s easily solvable.
7. Affection seems uncomfortable
When you’re in love, all you want is to hold and be held by the person who has your heart. However, the opposite is true when you’ve fallen off the bandwagon. Whether it’s coming from your end or your partner, you need to figure out why it’s even playing a role in your relationship. Perhaps you gained weight, or your partner has developed bad breath. Either way, affection is important.
8. You don’t feel the need to fix things
This may mean the end of your relationship altogether and it may be due to a few factors. Perhaps you’ve given too many chances, or you’ve been hurt too many times. Perhaps you’re just not in love anymore and this is the easy way out. Whatever the reason may be, not wanting to fix things from your end or your partner’s is a tell-tale sign of trouble.
9. Spending time together is a chore
I don’t mean constantly being around one another 24/7—this will suffocate anyone. However, even if you’re not able to spend a lot of time together, the need to want to be together should be there. He should want to spend his Saturday evening with you, enjoying your company instead of being around strangers in a nightclub, and vice versa. The minute it becomes a chore is the minute you’re in trouble.
10. You dream of a different life
Finally, if you’re constantly dreaming of a different life that doesn’t involve him, or he’s doing the same, that’s when you need to have ‘the talk.’ Perhaps you have different dreams or goals and you don’t know how to bring them together. Couples who want to be together always make a way. There will be compromises to make from both ends, but moving in the same direction is critical for a lasting relationship.
Not all relationships last, which isn’t a bad thing. You may find yourself in a particular relationship to teach you valuable lessons to prepare you for your next relationship. The key to figuring this out is to be honest with yourself about the relationship—and to include your partner in that conversation.
Although communication seems to be less, if there’s any type of conversation you must have, it’ll be this one. So, scrape together all of your courage and respect your partner enough to have the talk. It may not be a fun experience, but at least you’re handling it with dignity. That’s something no one can take away from you.