Why His Mother Is A Problem
You should probably look on the fact that your boyfriend loves his mum so much as a good thing; but you don’t, do you? No, because she is probably the only thing standing between you and your man, and unless she approves of your relationship with her son, well you may as well kiss the idea of that big diamond ring goodbye.
It’s a fact of life, but there are some men in the world who are complete mama’s boys. This is all good, until you discover that there is rivalry between you and his mother.
Whose needs is your boyfriend going to listen to, yours or his mother’s? Big problem. Suddenly you start feeling second best, and like he doesn’t take you or your relationship seriously.
Before you know it, you are challenging him with ultimatums that are going to take you nowhere but to the curb. Mama’s boys never choose the girlfriend over the mother, there’s just no point in even going there.
Why You Need to Get His Mother on YOUR Side
The only way to avoid rivalry with your boyfriend’s mother is to show her that you are not a threat. Once you get her on your side, you will have a valuable ally, because mama’s boys always listen to their mothers.
If his mother is on your side, and you both agree on the same things because she loves you to bits, you have control of your relationship, and your boyfriend will do whatever you want.
How to Get His Mother on Your Side
Easier said than done, right? Every mother who adores her son is bound to be a little bit suspicious of the girlfriend who comes along and steals his heart. Getting her on your side isn’t as impossible as it seems though. The trick is to be sympathetic and agreeable, but not to the point where you are sucking up, because parents smell that a mile off.
Here are some helpful tips for forming a genuine bond with your boyfriend’s mother…
- Treat her like a human being
Just because she has a magical hold over your boyfriend, it doesn’t mean you need to fear her in any way, or treat her like she is someone you need to manipulate into liking you. The more genuine you are, the more likely she is to soften.
- Forget about the generation gap
You are not a child any more, so you don’t have to treat his mother like a ‘mother’. Instead try to communicate with her like you might with a colleague or friend. She may be a couple of decades older than you, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t relate to each other on a human level.
- Find something you both have in common
Once you discover something you are both interested in, whether it is a TV show, something more practical, or designer labels, you will suddenly have loads to talk about. This will take the attention away from your relationship with her son, and allow her to view you as a equal.
- Show her that she is still needed
One common reason that mothers get defensive when their sons meet a girl is that they are afraid that their role as ‘mother’ will become useless. If you can show her that you both still need her to play that role and that your relationship with her son doesn’t have to change her relationship with him, then she is more likely to respect your relationship and even give you more space.You can do this simply by including her. Get excited about being invited over for dinner where she will be able to fulfill her ‘mothering’ role and act as hostess for the evening, and don’t take over in her kitchen but be on hand if she asks for your help.Go to her for advice, even if it is not relationship-related. Show her that she is appreciated by calling her up for random chats and meeting up for coffee to keep her in the loop and eliminate any ‘divides’. It is all about building your own personal relationship with her.
- Give her space to be with her son
Just because you are the girlfriend, it doesn’t mean that you have to present at every family occasion or get together. Show her that you are not trying to control her son, or take over his life, by giving them space to maintain their own relationship separately from you.Once she sees that you aren’t clingy she will probably feel more comfortable about involving you, because she won’t feel threatened that you want to ‘take her son away from her’.
The Benefits of Getting His Mother on Your Side
Once you have developed your own relationship with his mother, you will also notice that your relationship with your boyfriend will improve. He won’t have to feel stressed about you and his mother competing against each other, which means that he won’t dread family occasions, get stressed, and then take it out on you. He will feel better that you and his mother can communicate, because then he will feel like he has less responsibility trying to be the go-between.
Most importantly though, you will hopefully acquire his mother’s support if things start to go pear-shaped between you and your boyfriend, because she won’t want to lose you. She is more likely to try and help you sort through your problems than come in between you and make things even more difficult.
Share Your In-Law Experiences With Us…
Everybody’s in-laws are different. Some are more welcoming than others. Are you having a nightmare experience with your boyfriend’s parents? Tell us your problems and help other readers with theirs, by sharing your tips and stories by leaving your comments below.