8 Reasons Why Men Pull Away And What to Do About It

If your man is pulling away don't assume he doesn't like you anymore. Here are 10 common reasons why men pull away in relationships, and tips on what to do about it.

Men pull away in relationships for all sorts of reasons, often those reasons are contradictory to his behaviour, so never assume a guy isn’t attracted to you anymore, or blame yourself for doing something wrong.

If there is something you are doing to push him away it’ll be in this list, so don’t worry because we have the tips to get your relationship back on the right track.

#1 He is pulling away because he really likes you

Perhaps the most frustrating reason a man pulls away from a girl is that their feelings for her make him feel vulnerable.

Is your guy acting strangely? Perhaps suddenly he has become mean or distant, or maybe he seems to be busy all of the time. He is probably afraid of the fact that his feelings for you are developing.

What to do: He has to feel secure about the fact that you feel the same way as him, but too much pressure will freak him out. It is best to be honest and open with him, so talk.

Reassure him of how you feel, make sure he knows you understand him, and be on the same page so that there can be no misunderstandings. Let him know that you’re not going anywhere and that you’re happy to take things slowly.

Be chilled out, honest and supportive.

#2 He is a commitment phobe

If he is backing off because he smells your craving for commitment, it doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to you, it just means he isn’t ready yet. Men commonly shy away from commitment, they love to be footloose and fancy-free.

Anything that threatens his freedom is a turn-off, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to be free and see other women, he just doesn’t want to feel trapped or without choices and independence.

What to do: If you put pressure on him, you are just putting pressure on the relationship. Let him come it in his own time, commitment has to be his choice.

In the meantime you can satisfy yourself by establishing with him what makes you feel comfortable, for example, you may suggest that while you’re not officially an item, you’d prefer to know if he is dating other women.

#3 There is no challenge


A man may lose interest if you are always readily available, and it may feel like he is pulling away when you begin to realise that you’re always available at his convenience but he is not always available for yours.

He’s probably not pulling away, but you want more of his attention because you’re giving him all of yours.

What to do: Well it isn’t rocket science girls, pull him back in by getting a life of your own! He will notice the change immediately and his instinct for the chase will set in.

#4 He needs to get back his own identity

This isn’t a reflection on his feelings for you at all. Men need their freedom, they need to know who they are and what drives them in life.

It is easy to become so involved with a girl, especially in the early stages of a relationship, that a man forgets who he was before you came along. A man’s sense of identity is important because it defines who he wants to be in your life too.

If he is pulling away to rediscover himself it is a good thing, because it shows that he is independent and doesn’t rely entirely on you or the relationship to make himself feel good about himself.

What to do: If you are feeling insecure about it, focus instead on rediscovering your own identity.

If you both rediscover who you used to be before you met, then you will have all the fun of falling in love all over again and enjoying the unpredictability and excitement of dating!

#5 You slept with him too soon


This is an unfortunate one, because sometimes the guy is only looking for sex.

If that’s the case and you sleep with him too soon, then there has been no time for feelings to develop, and once he has got what he wanted, there is no need for him to stick around.

Men enjoy the thrill of the chase, so if you give in too soon then they often make assumptions about the kind of person you are. Is there a way to redeem yourself and pull him back in for another go? It’s not impossible…

What to do: Bear in mind that this only works if he is genuinely interested in you as a person. Don’t chase him – whatever you do.

Be honest with him so that he knows how you feel, and then get on with your life. If he is interested he won’t want to let you go so easily, and may decide he wants to give it some more effort.

#6 He is feeling the stress

Did you know that when you fall in love stress levels in a woman decrease, but the effect love has on a man is somewhat different. In fact it decreases testosterone levels which makes him more stressed.

This means that men have to pull away in order to level themselves out. Often you will find that men go through phases of being very close to you and then seeming to pull away.

Like a rubber band though he will always come back – if you don’t create slack by chasing after him.

What to do: It’s very simple, just give him his space to do his things, and remain constant. Use the time to do your own thing too, and he will soon spring back in.

#7 He is in danger of becoming one of your girlfriends

When a man spends too much time with you, or gets too soppy there is a problem, and that problem is imbalance. The reason relationships between men and women work is because women are women and men are men.

If a guy starts to lose his masculinity then the balance is affected and you won’t feel the polar pull, that leads to you beginning to feel less attracted to him. Nature’s way of fixing this issue is to give the guy instincts to pull away.

Of course then you are left feeling confused, rejected and generally freaked out.

What to do: Understand the route of the problem and be thankful that he is taking the initiative to be a man again. Encourage him to do his thing! Create some much-needed distance.

#8 You are pushing him away by not letting him lead

Men are made to lead. they are made to compete against each other, make decisions, win the bread etc. If you are too dominant in the relationship, you don’t allow him the space he needs to assert his masculinity and be the man.

What to do: Let him initiate things more, and enjoy being taking along for the ride. You don’t have to be in control of every decision, even if you think your choice of restaurant is better. Be flexible and stop pushing him away.

When I had problems with my man, I accidentally came across this amazing book written by James Bauer and it helped me a lot! I highly recommend you to read it because it will give you a completely new perspective on men and the way they think. You’ll learn what men secretly want, but are too afraid to open up and tell you.

About the author

Scarlett Robinson

I am inspired by the ways people interact. Human behaviour and emotions are wonderfully complex, and I want to dig deeper and understand more. This is why I explore intimate relationships in my writing. (I’m also ever so slightly kinky.)


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