Relationships

How to Trust Your Boyfriend after a Lie: 8 Great Suggestions

how to trust your boyfriend
So, your boyfriend lied to you, and you feel like you can no longer trust anything he says. Are you having a hard time forgiving him? Here’s how to trust your boyfriend after a lie.

It can be hard to get over being lied to, especially when it’s your boyfriend who did the lying. After all, this is the guy you love and rely on, to be honest with you. This is the man who you should trust with your body and your mind and your heart. Having him lie to you is absolutely devastating.

So is it possible you could ever learn how to trust your boyfriend again? Yes, you could.

It’s important to remember that he’s only human, and humans make mistakes. Sometimes a lie can be necessary in order to protect your feelings and sometimes a lie can be a way of covering up a mistake that he deeply regrets making.

I’m not saying that it was okay that your man lied to you, the truth is always better. I do think that it is possible to put things in perspective and try to work past this if you feel that the relationship is worth it. Here’s how to move beyond the lie and back into the trust.

1. Be honest about your feelings

woman lying in her bed with her dog

Many women make the mistake of hiding what they truly feel about their lover’s lie. Don’t hide what you feel. Be honest with him and tell him how much you hurt, and even more importantly, tell him why it hurts so much. Tell him it will be a long time before you fully trust him again.

Be honest, don’t just say “it’s okay” and then harbor all those negative feelings. You have to own up to them so that you can be able to forgive him.

2. Take a needed break

There’s a lot of tension in your relationship right now, I’m sure. That tension will only keep on a building if you’re forcing yourself to spend too much time with your boyfriend after this situation. It’s okay to spend a few nights at a friend’s house and clear your head.

It’s okay to take a break from each other and let the tension and anger settle down. Trying to force a fake calm is much worse than just giving yourself a little time away from each other.

3. Pay attention to his actions, not his words

t shirt fun

After a lie, your boyfriend’s words will not mean much to you. You’ll constantly wonder if he’s lying again or if he’s just trying to say the right things so he can keep lying to you in the future. You will have a difficult time trusting his words, so pay close attention to his actions. If he’s actually doing what he says he’ll do to make things right, then trust his actions.

4. Take your time

Don’t feel like you have to be in a hurry to forgive your boyfriend for lying to you. This isn’t a race to clear your emotions. Trust takes time to build, and even longer to rebuild after it’s been broken. Take the time you need to rebuild your trust.

Neither you nor your boyfriend should expect this to be okay overnight. Depending on what the lie was, it could take weeks or even months to get over this kind of situation.

5. Give each other space

Your first instinct might be to be with him every moment of the day so you know he won’t be able to lie to you again. When he is away from you and out with his friend’s you’ll likely pace the floor worrying whether he’s really where he said he’ll be or if he’s lying to you again. You’ll want to avoid the worry and just go with him everywhere.

On the other hand, he’ll want to rebuild your trust so much that he’ll insist on being with you everywhere, too, so that you know he is where he said he’ll be. This isn’t going to help your relationship. You have to still go out and do the things you did before, you have to continue having separate interests and give each other breathing room.

6. Let him prove to you he’s trustworthy

young woman holding beautiful red flowers

Many women refuse to let their man prove to them they won’t lie again. It’s not that you do it on purpose, it’s just easier not to trust that it is to actually give someone trust. Don’t let your own fear jeopardize your relationship; instead, give him the chance to prove to you that he can really be trusted again.

7. Set some guidelines

After someone breaks your trust, there will be questions and fears, but there will also be some very serious concerns surrounding the situation regarding the lie. For example, if your man cheated on you with a co-worker, then you will without a doubt want him to stop working with that woman.

If your man lied to you when he was out with his friend (a friend of questionable character), then you will want him to spend less time with that friend. Don’t be afraid to set up some guidelines so that he has the chance to work on building your trust.

If he really wants to keep your relationship and rebuild the trust, obvious and logical requests such as this will not be a problem for him and he’ll be happy to make that sacrifice.

8. Believe in him

Finally, if you want to rebuild the trust in your relationship after your boyfriend has lied to you, then you have to actually believe in him. Remember that nobody’s perfect and people make mistakes, remember that your relationship is worth fighting for and trying again. Believe that he is the man you fell in love with and he really wants to prove that to you again.

Open your heart and allow him in, otherwise, nothing he ever does will make you trust him again. A relationship takes two people, through the bad and the good times, so believe in him and believe in your relationship.

Wouldn’t you want him to believe in you?

Have you ever been through similar situations? You can share your experience and advice in the comments.

About the author

Trina

Just another hard working mom who loves her kid, loves to write, can’t cook, and has a thing for tentacles! When I’m not hanging out with my Spawn, I’m happily sharing my dating experiences and offering advice and trying to control the chaos that comes with being human.

29 Comments

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  • Hello I think it is very wrong of you to write in your article and make women or men think that lying is okay or justify lying and make it sound alright. Lying is not acceptable at all in any type of relationship, so to justify is by saying ” maybe he was doing it to protect your feelings ” or he was doing it because he was ashamed of what he may have done, is already justifying the action. I just wanted to let you know that when you write future articles about relationships, please don’t make actions that are clearly unacceptable in a relationship seem acceptable and justifiable like lying. Thank you for your time.

  • My boyfriend lied to me and kept checking up on his ex girlfriend Facebook wall. He went as far as checking up on girls he wanted to date. I caught him out and broke up with him. Ever since then his begging that I give him another chance. Im scared because this has happened before to me with an ex of mine. I can’t trust him. I barely sleep because this is worrying me. What must i do? I just feel really hurt and not appreciated for months now. It’s always the same.. I really am hurting :'(

  • My boyfriend if 5months has veen constantly lying to me. But I always forgive him. What sucks is that after each lie, I cheat on him with some other guy. It’s a vicious cycle and its killing me.

  • I just found that my boyfriend initiated a chat conversation with an old ex.. Mentioning he misses “your body and soft lips”. Yes I read it on his phone. It hurts like crazy and he was crushed when I confronted him. I just don’t know what to think anymore because I completely trusted him and didn’t expect that. We always handle each other’s phones, it’s something I’m proud of… That we’re that close and trusting. But I went to his place unannounced.. He probably didn’t have time to delete it. What should I do?

  • Thank you for this advice really appreciate it, no one wants this to happen but the reality of this life is never simple and I appreciate that you wrote something meaningful and realistic as opposed to just the usual”oh he lied dump him to the curb”. So sick of all that. Life is life shit gets complicated were all human we all make mistakes. Forgive, live and love -peace

  • My boyfriend and i have been together for over a year now. Last year he cheated on me with 3 other girls on a trip and lied to me a whole year about how he was virgin and that nothing happened on this trip. After almost a whole year of him lying to me the guilt got to him and he told me the truth. I was heart broken and still am. its been a few months since he’s told me and I’ve forgiven him. we were only dating for a month when he cheated. He lied to spare my feelings because he didn’t realize how special I am to him and he thought by him feeling the guilt was his punishment. He loves me a lot and doesn’t want to break up, but i don’t know what i want to do. i still wanna be with him but i hate feeling sad all the time and he’s still my best friend but i don’t know if ill be happier with him or without him. i just don’t know. Can anyone give me some advice.

  • My boyfriend has lied to me several times about not conversing or entertaining other females. I’ve always caught him and had concrete evidence to back it up. He’s like my first love so we “took a break” and after a week or so we were fine, but he knew I didn’t trust him. He always told me he would change and be a better man to me. It doesn’t help that we’re long distance. After another lie that was as minor as him sending an inappropriate message to a female. I decided to call it quits for good. He’s not going to change.

  • My boyfriend lied to me so many times and he always promised me that he will change but he doesn’t and he will lie again and when I’ll find out he will be sorry and I forgive him and give another chance. I gave him so many chances and now after I found out again that he lied to me I stopped talking with him for four days and I pretended that I don’t care and he was surprised that I don’t so he start begging to me to get back and he was sorry and he wants me to give him last chance and he said that he will show me that he wants me and will do whatever to keep me his girlfriend and he promised and he said that I want you only and I don’t want any other girls. He wants me to get back to him but idk if its right to give him last chance :/ I’m afraid that he will do it again

  • A few months after we started dating i found out he was deleting messages from his exes, i confronted him and it took months to fully trust him again. Now we have been together just shy of a year and i found that he had deleted messages again so i confronted him and he confessed that he also went to see one of his exes (That night he told me he was going to see his mate who was having relationship issues), he didnt cheat i know that for sure. He’s studying to be a commercial pilot which almost guarantees a move overseas. He’s devastated at the possibility of us breaking up and he just wanted to talk to her because she knew him well and he felt comfortable talking to her about this. I’ve never been opposed to him seeing or talking to her, i understand that they’re still friends, after the first incident i just wanted to know when they talked which he agreed to. But now after finding out he lied and went behind my back so much i am devastated, he swears he wont do it again but i dont know what to do. Do i move overseas with him? how can i trust him again? ive asked him to cut her off, was that the right move?

  • Last year my boyfriend was physically hit on by someone i thought was a friend. He didnt tell me until a week ago and now im supposed to see that girl again when all i want to do is rip her eyes out. I feel like i cant trust him with girls even more than before (hes been with alot of women and even cheated on them). I dont know what to do and i feel like im cracking at the seams, am i just being paranoid?

  • My boyfriend told me he was too poorly to see me but he could see family and go to work today and then when i tried to tell him how i felt he in insults me and im fed up with it i love him we were meant to get married nest year but i have called that off what should i do

  • my boyfriend had cheated on me middle of august this year. i was out for lunch with him when suddenly a girl called him and he grabbed his mobile phone from me. i suspected something and grabbed back from him. i saw a girl’s name calling him. i was so furious that time and i called the number. the girl calmly answered. i lost my temper and asked her who she was. my boyfriend looked so pressured as i caught him cheating on me. she told me she was an ex classmate. i got so angry and asked her what the reason she called. my boyfriend said she was only sharing where to buy medicine. i angrily screamed at her that all the years he is the one who brought me to doctor or pharmacy for medicine. my boyfriend and i fought that day. i left him and drove off. i called the girl’s number and asked her and she told me everything. i was so upset, disappointed, angry, hurt etc. my boyfriend tried to calm me down. i ran away from him. i don’t know how to explain my feelings that time. it felt like it’s the end of my own world, i can’t feel anything, my heart was so empty.
    but i kept on checking on him. he started to hate me after he tried to win me back. but my trust was gone. i tried very hard to build the trust for him which i had for years. now after one month, i still can’t fully trust him and i really don’t know why. after reading the above, i feel like my heart opened..i feel calm and i decided to try again to trust him. i always started the fight because i go and stalk the girl’s number. then i assumed when my boyfriend online and she’s online too, they were still contacting with each other. i started to have bad feelings and ruined his day..day by day. i really don’t know how to handle myself again, my boyfriend said it is my fault to go and check on the girl’s and later fight with him. i tried very hard not to do this again and again, but every time i still kept doing the same mistake. it is all because i have lost my trust on him. i hope by the guidelines of the How to trust your boyfriend afte a lie can help me to build myself again and trust my boyfriend again like before.

  • Hey, about a year and a half ago I read a message on my bf phone. I had a suspicion that he wasn’t being very faithful to me. The message was him flirting with another girl and asking her to come round for a ‘cuddel’…. I was so angry and hurt that I broke up with him. In the months that followed he worked hard to pull us back together and prove himself. Eventually I took him back, but still found that I didn’t trust him…. Until I realised that actually I loved my bf and I had made the decision to get back in the relationship. Now I was either going to live that relationship out not trusting him and checking up on him or I was going to start enjoying the relationship again and living it to the full…. Because at the end of the day the relationship might not work… But it most definitely will fail if I hold back. Stupid thing is if I found out he cheated again…. I’d be okay, because my life would carry on, time would pass and I’d be stronger. But I wouldn’t have any regreta because I gave it a real go…… Boys and girls… Relationships can survive anything, but you both have to fight for it and know that the bad times will pass…. Hope this helps someone xxxx

  • Hello.
    It was about two months ago. My bf of two years told me he’s starting to have feelings for another girl and its my fault. Because i didnt trust him fully yet cause of situations before. I told him to stop talking to her and he said ok. But then i found out that they were going out all the while i thought they stop talking. I dont trust him now n i got serious anger problem i want this to work n he want it to work too but i dont think i could do it. Im trying but i keep getting angry for stupid things n it’s terrible. What should i do?

  • It’s a complex situation. I’m 18 and he’s 19. I met him when I was a freshman and he was a junior (my mom held me back in 2nd grade). I have always loved him since the day I met him, but he liked my bestfriend. Once she got herself a boyfriend he started to like me and for a long time I thought I was second choice because that’s how I felt. It turns out the reason why he stopped liking her is because she’s immature and that I’m more mature than she is. But I still get the feeling that I’m second choice. I always think “If she was single would he be with her instead of me?” I don’t know. He swears that he loves me and not her. I have only been with him for 2 months but have been friends with him for 3 years and I want to have a healthy relationship and to trust him now that he’s a military police officer. He’s based in Washington.

  • My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a few days ago, I found out that he had started talking to another female. He thought he was sneaky by saving her contact info in his phone as some guy that used to be in the Army with him but I had my suspicions because this “guy” just out of the blue started contacting him a couple of months ago. The first time I noticed was when he would get a text from this “guy” he would wait til I wasn’t around for him to check it. After I had questioned him about the texts, he would get mad at me and eventually I just told him that I didnt believe it was a guy and that he was disguising the contact info. I thought that the “guy” had just stopped texting but…a few days ago I saw that he had a new messaging app and had a new notification. I asked him what that app was and he told me that “guy” messages him on there (red flag) so I asked to see it. He opened the app to where just the name showed and I clicked the name and began to read the messages. They were just normal messages but what caught my eye was when he said “no ma’am”. I asked again who it was and he still said it was that guy and that he just says “no ma’am” to be funny (I wasn’t stupid). I found the name in his contacts and called it and let it ring until the voicemail answered and it was who in had suspected all along…the same female that we had had bouts with before and that he told me that he wouldn’t talk to her again (I believed him). I was more hurt that after all this time, he had been lying to me and now lying to my face! He texted her and told her that he lives me and for her not to contact me again and he deleted and blocked her and deleted the apps and removed his lock screen from his phone. Might I add that she is married to a lawyer here in the same town and I have had a talk with him before about her and nothing was done because I found out that he cheats on her so he didnt care. The day after I found out, my boyfriend left to go for a month long training rotation (He is in the Army) and I still can’t help but wonder of he is telling me the truth and wonder if he is texting her while he is gone. I wish I could turn off my thoughts but I can’t. I was devastated. I just wonder if she was single, if he would even be with me. I just wanna trust him again.

  • My bf has lied to me many times and hurt me. We dated before years ago and now we are dating again and even in this relationship, the first few months he was extremely selfish. His actions have shown for almost a year now that he is trying and everyone around me says he has changed but I am scared to open up my heart again. I know I love him but I just don’t know how to begin forgiving and trusting him again. Some days, I am not sure if I even want to trust him.

  • Me and my boyfriend have been together for nine months, he was my first love. A few months back he cheated on me and promised to never do it again. I got into his phone and found messages from when he cheated on me, he told the girl she was more prettier than me and she was better. This hurts me, he hasn’t cheated on me cents and I make sure of that but it still hurts that he even said that in the first place, I talk to him about it and we fixed everything but I’m still hurting what should I do

  • I found a phone that my bf was secretly talking to people behind my back. He was talking sexual to men who dress as women. (This is prolly the 7th time I have found this) am I really wrong for not wanting anything to do with him anymore?

  • My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. We recently just broke up over bad communication and when we tried to talk things out he tells me that he cheated on me with some random girl at his school in St. Louis because he felt like I was neglecting him because I wasn’t able to go to St. Louis to visit him. I have sacrificed school time twice to go on vacations with him and his family but that wasn’t good enough for him. My trust for him is completely GONE!! You don’t cheat on someone that has had your back and was always there for you.

  • My fiance’s ex gf played me a recording where he promises her the world and time to see that he wants to be with her in due time, broke me and still does because when i asked him with obvious tears and anger he said he just told her what she wanted to hear so she can leave him alone,and his just using her to get things done because he doesn’t expect it from me…so now i just can’t help to wonder if he ain’t telling her the same thing about me and if his not only promising me all he does just to get rid of me aswell,maybe he can’t let go of either and wants his bread buttered both sides, i have to kids none with him neither does he have with her but why is he still hanging on to a past he left because she cheated on him with his best friend which he hates with a passion now…im confused and still very broken but also love him with everything in me and forgave him but will i ever trust him and believe what he says…anyone with advise,plz help

  • I recently moved in with my boyfriend and I recently found out he had been talking to an old friend , they never talked before other than once but she texted him for “advice on how to get a guy” I found out after she called him inviting him to go out and he wouldn’t tell me who it was and tried to brush it off by saying he forgot his friends name never stating female or male and until he finally budged and told me I asked him to show me the messages and he had deleted them. He’s never been the lying or cheating but for some reason it feels like he cheated. If it wasn’t anyone to worry about why lie or hide it or delete the messages, I asked him and he said bc he thought I would be mad which Isnt understandable if she really was an old friend

  • My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 2 years.About 6 months ago he hid some important information from me(which he conviniently said he just did nt feel like sharing)It was something work relaed as we both are in the same profession.He handed over an imp.work project to another colleague(without my knowledge) which I was supposed to take over.it left me devastated and traumatized,so much so that I had to seek medical help as I lost a lot of weight

    After confronting him and even today he stil does nt feel that he should apologize and he has no guilt fot what he made me go through.

    We are still together but we fight a lot.He has changed a lot from the first time I met him.There is no expression of love at all.Although we meet every weekend n we mostly have a very good time,I am still hurt by what he did and fear that I may not have the courage to face the same thing again.I dnt know what should I do.I do love him but somewhere I fear that he might do it again.

  • My boyfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for almost 4 months. I know that’s not too long but we’re really each other’s best friends. Since I lost access to social media and he’s a bit against phones because he thinks they control your life, he decided to get rid of his social media, too. One night when I was with him in his room, I asked him to use his phone to translate a word, and my curiosity led me to try to get a social media app on his phone since I couldn’t do so on my own phone. Since he had gotten rid of his social media apps, I didn’t expect them to be there, but they were, especially Instagram and Snapchat. I asked him to his face, I told him I’d thought that he’d gotten rid of them and he played dumb and asked to see his phone because he didn’t THINK he had downloaded them back. But I had already seen he did. He freaked out, took his phone from me, put it in his pocket and refused to let me see it again. When I asked him why, I had thought it was because of something worse, maybe he was cheating. But I know he’s not a cheating type and he said he didn’t want me to be mad or feel left out because he had social media and I didn’t, and that he had just gotten them back a week ago. We’re somewhat OK now, but I still feel paranoid over everything. I trust him slightly because I know the kind of person he is and he has shown remorse and sincerity over the situation, but I already had trust issues to begin with and now I’m not sure how to trust him completely again..

  • I have been with my boy friend for over 4 years and he lied to me about going somewhere and he didn’t tell me the truth. Someone else did. They told me they saw him At his family party and he had said he was going to be working that day. He didn’t tell me he went and now I feel so angry and upset. And I remember that weekend so clearly because he had texted me he was going to get home late. And couple weeks later here we are. Him lying to me and not telling me exactly where he was.

  • I dont know, reading this post, all it does is just make me feel like crying. Yeah, I guess the advice is pretty much straight-forward, but honestly? I dont think I can do all that. I love him very much, but I CANT trust him.

  • There is NEVER EVER any reason to lie to your partner if your in a loving relationship. When two hearts are joined by love, trust bonds them together. On in a LDR (long distance relationship) so trust is even more imperative. A few days ago, he lied to me and I already knew what had happened and I asked him so nicely as to why he didn’t share the truth about an event he attended but told me he was home resting…his chance to set things right, yet he continued to lie, proclaiming he has never lied to me……I cannot talk to him presently as my heart is breaking. The night of the event was also my Birthday….I just cannot comprehend how a man who wants to take me as his wife could openly be so untruthful. Trying to rebuild the trust from a distance feels impossible and as much as I want to try, the distance makes it so very very hard. I have cried until my tears have run dry, I have talked things over briefly with him but the hurt is immense and more so because the lie was unnecessary…..I am taking some space to allow me to settle a little but its agonizing. I guess our future is in hands of destiny guiding the path….if there is even one left….such such heartache