In fact, jealousy in a marriage can be even more intense compared to just a long-term relationship, as there is usually more at stake. Vows were taken, families were merged, a promise of forever had been carefully mapped out—maybe even kids are involved.
All things that, if someone were to try and wreck what we have, we would essentially lose everything. Everything we worked so hard for. And that’s why jealousy can eat away at a person and more importantly, at a marriage.
At first, we think that our jealousy will somehow guard us from trouble before it happens, but in most cases, it’s the opposite and it no longer becomes another person ruining things, it’s you.
So, to avoid all that and continue living on in marital bliss, follow these five must-know tips for overcoming jealousy in marriage.
1) Allow yourself to feel secure in your relationship
One of the reasons why jealousy is so common in relationships is due to a lack of security. Think about it, without a rock on our finger or the promise of commitment, we assume that someone else could sweep in easily and destroy what we have.
Thoughts like: What if he finds someone better; Does he flirt with that pretty girl at work?; Would he ever cheat on me? come to mind. But, if your married, you need to take advantage of the extra security you have by allowing yourself to actually feel secure in your relationship.
Your husband picked you, out of everyone else; he made vows to you. Worrying about that cute, new twenty-something secretary or that barista at Starbucks who flirted with him, probably just to get tips, is just a waste of your time.
Sure, you may feel a little bit jealous, but when you allow it to eat away at you and your relationship, that’s when you have a problem. So allow yourself to feel secure in the fact that you’re married and should trust your partner or husband who made vows to stick by your side ‘til death do you part.
2) Don’t play games
Straight up, games are immature. And immature people usually aren’t the ones who are married—they’re usually the ones who are waiting five hours to text their boyfriend back because they’re mad at him, or they’re the f*ckboys who have at least seven different side chicks for every day of the week.
If you’re married, then it essentially means that you were mature enough to commit yourself to one person for the rest of your life, and this is where the games should end.
It won’t make you look great if you’re taking hours to reply to your husband’s text, especially when it could be about something important, or if you get a little too drunk and flirt with his boss at the office Christmas party, and all because you didn’t like the way that co-worker was looking at him, and you wanted to make your husband jealous.
Leave the games for the kids and cut the drama already. If you’re having issues, take the mature approach and be open and honest about how you feel. Don’t skirt around your feelings. You may be surprised to find that he had no idea you were feeling this way. And, if he’s mature also, he’ll do whatever it takes to remedy the situation.
3) Pinpoint where the jealousy is coming from
Jealousy doesn’t just come from nowhere. Maybe you were cheated on in the past or just have an insecure nature that causes you to question everything—whatever it is, you need to pinpoint the root because it’s not fair to blame your husband for other people’s past mistakes. Why ruin a relationship happening now, based on what happened in the past?
Sit down and explain to him what has caused you to feel this way. If he’s the loving, understanding man you married, then he’ll be there for you and work through it. It could be something as simple as checking in with you more when he has to work late or giving you a little more attention if you had become insecure after seeing all the pretty girls at his work.
Keep in mind, though, you probably can’t have him keep this up forever. Eventually, you will just have to trust him fully. In the meantime, consider talking to a friend or a therapist about how you feel. If the jealousy is coming from places bigger than you, then it helps to have someone there to sort it all out and keep that green-eyed monster at bay.
4) Recognize that your husband is not your past relationships
As we said, it’s not fair to ruin a relationship happening now because of a relationship in the past. Your husband isn’t all the other jerk men who have hurt you or caused insecurity.
When we get married, we start anew. We’re moving towards a new stage in life—he’s not saying “I do” to you and your ten bags of emotional baggage. So, cut him some slack.
Don’t give into the temptation to check his phone when he’s in the shower or spend hours scrolling through his emails. You may rationalize that you’ve done it with other boyfriends, but he isn’t your other boyfriends; he’s your husband, and he isn’t going to like coming out of the shower to find you frantically reading his texts.
That’s not a healthy relationship, so don’t put yourself in a position where doing things like that is a normal part of your relationship. It’s not normal, so when you get the urge to pry, ask yourself: would an adult in a healthy relationship do this? In most cases, the answer is no.
It also helps to put yourself in his shoes. See things from his perspective. How would you feel if he questioned you about everything or secretly logged onto your Facebook, and then blamed it on how that was the norm for him and a previous girlfriend?
5) Finally, rely on trust
When it comes to marriage, we don’t get into it all willy-nilly. We do it because the relationship has escalated to a stage where there is a solid foundation of love, commitment, laughter, fun and trust that is bound to last forever.
Trust. Remember that?
If you really want to overcome jealousy in your relationship, you have to rely on it fully and with everything you have. You didn’t marry someone you can’t trust, so use it to ease your mind when situations arise in the future.
Is he going out for drinks with his friends? Instead of listening to your insecurities that cause you to question who he’s talking to or how much he’s drinking, etc, remind yourself that you trust him. Even repeat it out loud: “I trust him; he wouldn’t hurt me.” After all, why be in a relationship if there is no trust?
Do you have any other tips? Leave them in the comments below!