After reading this, you may discover that you actually don’t love him and you’re just infatuated with him. If you aren’t subconsciously doing things that show your love, you are actually not even ready to say the “L” word. People put far too much emphasis on this word, when it means nothing without someone showing the person respect, giving emotional support and listening with the intention of helping the other person.
Notice how your communication with the other person is. If you only talk about superficial things like looks and attraction, chances are you aren’t really in love. Often we confuse comfort with love, so before you drop the “L” word, make sure you aren’t tricking yourself. If you really are in love, but find it difficult to say the words, we can show you how to tell someone you love them without saying it.
It really doesn’t matter if they love you back, because you are happy to care about them in whatever capacity they feel comfortable. If they want a relationship, great, if they don’t, it’s still ok to love them and respect their boundaries. Love doesn’t have to only exist in a romantic relationship and it is much more than intimacy.
Love doesn’t ask for anything in return. Just make sure you stay sensitive to his feelings and give him space, if that’s what he wants. We should never impose our love on someone, because then it becomes selfish.
Signs you are actually in love
Love is not something that can be felt at first sight, only lust is. Love comes when you find that you really want that person to be happy and you really support them. When you are deeply connected to them beyond surface level, you are starting to feel what love really is.
People often say “I love you” and they haven’t even developed a genuine friendship with the person. The word is thrown around because people are trying to hold onto the company and comfort of having someone with them.
The problem is they haven’t put in the time to get to know that person, see if they have a deeper connection that will last more than a few weeks and also to know that person can follow through with what they say when times get tough. Love is a loaded concept and you don’t have to say it to make them feel it, they will just know when you do.
When you tell your friend you love them, you feel for them, right? You truly want them to be happy and you’re not afraid of losing them. You need to feel that bond of friendship with your partner, that trust and that total willingness to bear your soul without being insecure.
Friendship is important for keeping love alive
If you want to show someone you love them, work on being a solid friend first. That means you remember what is going on in their life and you back them up fiercely. You will go to bat for them and you won’t think twice about it (of course you want to make sure they are someone that would do the same for you).
This means you will go out of your way for him, help him out when he’s in a bind and not think twice to share your food with him. If you are willing to give him your energy and time, he will feel that you truly do care about him.
Being a good friend means you will ask about his life and really listen to his thoughts and not cut him off to talk about yourself. You will help him discover happiness in any way you can, not because you’re getting something in return.
True love is not manipulative and you will want him to be happy first and foremost, whether it’s with you or without you. That’s often a tough one to swallow. If you can love him without being attached to him, you are on your way to being a really good friend.
Don’t be fooled if he says it quickly
Just as you can be fooled by your insecurities and that tricky thing called lust, he can too. Maybe he’s trying to impress you and blurts out, “I love you” within the first few weeks. This is actually a bit of a red flag, unless he is one of those people that tell everyone they love them, which is actually quite cute.
Even if someone tells you they love you, don’t feel pressured to say it back. You will feel if he “needs” you or if he really loves you by how he treats you. Be an observer, both of your actions, your feelings and his actions.
Love and need are completely different things
Protect yourself from codependent men and make sure you are real with yourself about your own codependency issues. If you’re having a tough time paying your bills or looking to get out of an uncomfortable living situation, your mind may make you think you love him, but really, you’re desperately trying to find a way out of your situation.
The only person that can save you from unhappiness is you, and you won’t have a healthy relationship until you have a healthy life and can provide for yourself. Make sure you’re not using him, or you will only end up in another bad situation.
See him go through change
When you think you love him, wait to tell him, but keep showing him you do. You need to observe him go through some stressful situations to see how he handles it. It’s easy to think we love someone when all we see is glitter and rainbows, but we need to see how they handle rain and road blocks. If he keeps his cool and responds with patience and compassion towards himself and others, you will see his true colors are beautiful.
If he loses his temper and lashes out or can’t treat himself well, looks like he might not be ready to be in a fully committed loving relationship. The same goes for us, they are trying to see if we are strong and want to feel comfortable with us too. Remember, you need to love all aspects and colors of him and you need to make sure you see him when he’s struggling with something to see if you’re still head over heels.
Sometimes people are very excited when they first meet you, and over time, you find they are actually very depressed and inconsistent. Take your time, my dear.
Show you really care about his happiness
Support his dreams and goals. Help him see his strengths and help him get closer to his personal goals. Don’t ever discourage him or laugh at him for what he wants to do. You should be his biggest fan and you should help him stay focused on his dreams instead of distract him. When he feels you’re backing him, he will know you care for him.
Be there when he needs support
You can show someone you love them by just being there when they are sick, when they are grieving or just need someone to talk to. If you aren’t doing this, he won’t feel like you really care about him. If you aren’t willing to be there when times are tough, you might not really love him.
You need to feel a deep longing to keep him happy no matter what, and you can’t fake that. People can tell if you’re genuine by the tone of your voice and by how quickly you step in to help. You don’t have to say the “L” word when you show it.
Don’t judge him when he messes up
We all make poor decisions sometimes, and if you’re really his friend and really do care about him as deeply as you think you do, you will not judge him when he screws up. You will help him find a solution to his problems, but not chastise him harshly.
He may forget something, he may say the wrong thing, he may show his ego, but whatever his failure is, you need to show the same compassion you would want to receive from him when you’re learning a life lesson. We all feel like a fool sometimes, and we have to remind ourselves that we are all human and doing our best.
Complete honesty is the way
When you’re just vulnerable and open with him, he will feel your love. You will feel like you can share your not so proud moments with him as he will be interested to see how you’ve become who you are and what you’ve learned along the way. You will feel like you don’t want to hurt him or lie to him when you love him, so you will be completely honest with him even if you feel slightly embarrassed.
He will feel that you trust him and this will build a bond between you. You don’t have to say “I Love You” to be honest with him and to show him that you are willing to take a risk and bare your soul.
Take off your mask
Be willing to be yourself with him and he will feel that your love is deep. You will be fine without makeup in front of him; you don’t have to look perfect. You will feel naturally beautiful if you love him, because you’re not afraid of his opinion. When you selflessly love someone else, you’re focused on their happiness, not on fulfilling your own ego by searching for compliments.
You know that he will love you for who you are or it’s not meant to be. When you show him you have nothing to hide, he will feel your love and you won’t have to worry about saying anything cheesy.
Be ok with not being perfect
When you show him that you aren’t perfect and admit your fears and flaws, he will know that you are opening up to him because you trust him. When you’re able to show him that you’re not trying to be cool and you want him to see the real you, imperfections and all, he will actually take that as a sign of love.
When we brag about how great we are and all that we have accomplished, it makes him feel insecure because it is actually our own insecurities that make us brag. When we show a man that we are aware of our shortcomings, it lets him know that we are doing everything we can to improve ourselves and be good friends and companions.
Stick up for yourself
If you really love him, you won’t be an enabler all the time. Say when things bother you or when he hurts your feelings. He will feel your pain and respect that you aren’t just trying to please him.
If you really love him, you will do everything you can to keep the relationship healthy, which includes creating healthy boundaries and communication. Men appreciate a woman who is strong and has a fearless unrelenting will.
Engage with his friends
You will also want to get to know his friends and show him that you care about them. If you hate his friends, you might not love him. Often a person’s friends are a reflection of themself, and if you truly love that person, you will also find his friends endearing. He will know you care about him when you show his friends respect and open up to them.
Show interest in his family
Loving a person means loving all aspects of their life, including their family, even though they may have slightly different lifestyles or viewpoints. When you love someone, you realize that those people influence their life in a major way, and you seek to understand your man through his relationships with his family. He will know you love him when you genuinely care about his family.
Hopefully, now you know whether you love him, like him, or are just with him for comfort. Don’t be hard on yourself if you’re experiencing codependency, but make sure you are fair to him and work on yourself before getting into a relationship. The biggest gift you can give someone is working on yourself.
I’d love to hear your experience with showing love to your partner below, in the comments… don’t forget to explore similar useful articles here on YouQueen!
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