Relationships

Complaining: 6 Ways It Destroys Your Relationship

Are you a chronic complainer? Do you find yourself doing more nagging than complimenting? Is your significant other less impressed with your recent attitude? Here are six ways complaining destroys your relationship, and why you should just relax a little.

I’ll admit, I complain… sometimes I complain a little more often than others. In fact, when I think about it, there are times when I’ve been a serious nag in my relationships and have forgotten how to relax.

If you’re like I used to be, then let me tell you a little secret: Complaining will destroy your relationship. That’s right: Your constant complaining will eventually drive him away from you. Relationships are hard enough without the added stress, so here are six reasons why you should stop complaining and start complimenting instead.

#1 It’s Annoying

The first and most obvious reason that you should stop complaining is that it’s annoying. That’s right: You’re not cute when you’re bitching about everything your guy does. Even if it’s not about your guy and you’re just a chronic complainer (work, your BFF, afternoon traffic, etc.), take my word for it, it’s not cute. You’re not going to impress anybody with your attitude.

#2 You Become A Negative Person

aggressive woman scream on man in bedroom

Aside from being annoying, constant complaining actually turns you into a negative person all around. Have you ever heard of the law of attraction? Whenever you complain too much, you actually just bring in more negativity in your life. In return, you complain more. It’s a vicious cycle, really.

But the point is nobody wants to be around a person who brings them down. That kind of negativity is too much for just about anybody to handle. My suggestion instead would be to stop complaining, appreciate what you have, and then watch and see how many good things come your way.

#3 Your Partner Begins To Feel Unworthy

Another problem with constant complaining is that it makes your partner feel unworthy. That’s right, instead of making your man feel good, you’re making him feel broken and depressed. Think about it, if you’re guy was constantly complaining about every little thing, no matter how cheerful you were and how much you tried to cheer him up, wouldn’t you feel a little let down? It would be a blow to the ego not being able to make your lover happy.

If you’re a constant complainer you are dragging your guy down, and he’s going to feel the emotional brunt of it. It’s hard on a person to always hear negativity.

#4 You Miss Out On Other (Good) Things

Constant complaining is the emotional equivalent of negative reinforcement. Instead of seeing all the good things in your life or your love, you’re just focusing on the bad things. First of all, that’s very harmful to your relationship. You can’t expect anyone to feel at ease being around someone who only sees the bad in every situation, or who constantly complains about them as a person or their habits. You’re missing out on all the good things.

If you’re constantly complaining about your guy, for example, then he’s going to think you don’t actually love him and you’re really unhappy with him. Even if he’s the right guy for you and he does make you happy, any woman who constantly complains will have such a negative effect on her partner that he’ll think you no longer see the good in him (or anything else), and that will definitely have a bad impact on your relationship.

#5 It’s Exhausting

Man trying to reconcile with his girlfriend after quarrel

Also, it’s exhausting being around somebody who constantly complains. Have you ever tried to please someone who just refuses to be satisfied? I can tell you, it isn’t easy.

Let me give you an example. As a barista, I had this one customer who always complained about his cappuccino. If I put it in a mug, he wanted a to go cup. If I put it in a to go cup, he wanted a mug. If I asked him and he told me, then no matter what temperature I made it, it was too hot or cold, or too foamy…get my picture? He was never happy with his drink. Eventually, I became a little ruder to him whenever he placed an order, until finally I just stopped smiling and being interactive with him at all.

Did I mention he exhausted me emotionally?

Yeah, if you’re around someone who never has anything nice and pleasant to say, or who constantly complains about everything, then you’re going to be emotionally exhausted.

Now, let’s say that you’re constantly complaining about your lover. Imagine how he feels if you never have anything nice to say about him? Emotionally exhausted is an understatement.

#6 Your Partner Stops Listening To You

Complaining ultimately destroys your relationship because your partner stops listening to you. That’s right, if all you’re going to do is complain, then he’s going to find a way to tune you out and ignore you.

Have you ever heard the story of the boy who cried wolf? Well, the same thing will happen in your relationship. If you’re always complaining about something, your partner will not take you seriously when there is something actually wrong and something that’s worth complaining about.

Complaining has a negative effect on everybody around you. If you’re in an office setting, constant complaining turns your work place into a place of discomfort and people will not want to be around you, which is bad enough in itself.

However, if you’re a constant complainer in your romantic relationship, then you’ll likely soon see that your guy can easily get to the point where he’s fed up and wants to be with someone a little less dramatic and a lot more laid back.

There are things you can do, of course. Instead of complaining to your guy, complain it all out to yourself in the car ride home from work, or, keep a journal that you can write out all these thoughts. Most importantly, change your habit from complaining about the bad things in your life and relationship, to saying positive things about your day. You’ll see the difference! So tell us, are you a chronic complainer?

About the author

Trina

Trina

Just another hard working mom who loves her kid, loves to write, can’t cook, and has a thing for tentacles! When I’m not hanging out with my Spawn, I’m happily sharing my dating experiences and offering advice and trying to control the chaos that comes with being human.

13 Comments

Click here to post a comment

  • Hi Trina, my girlfriend complains a lot, usually about her day at work, but about her weight as well. She’s quite overweight but won’t take any positive steps to overcome it, which makes the complaining worse. I’ve tried to encourage her by eating healthily but she refuses to give up junk food and has made me overweight too. Well, I physically eat the food myself, but she’s always buying me ‘treats’ which I can’t refuse as she then gets upset that she doesn’t have a partner in crime. I end up indulging her to make her happy and meanwhile our arteries are becoming more clogged and we’re both turning into lazy couch potatoes, well I’m becoming one, she was one already. I literally have no energy any more. My whole body feels heavy and I can feel the extra pressure on my ass when I sit down. I’m only 35 and was quite healthy before. It’s a terrible situation, I’m not sure I can handle her negativity and her lifestyle. It’s hard watching her abusing herself with food and her lack of willpower is draining me. I’ve become a boring boyfriend now as I don’t love her any more and don’t do anything to try and make her happy, other than buy her crisps. She never wants to go for a walk even. The fact I’m not trying any more has exasperated the situation of course. She suffers from depression and is on medication but that doesn’t seem to work I have to say. She has upped her dosage so maybe that will help. I honestly want to end it but I don’t know how. I can’t bare to see the look on her face and I feel sorry for her as she’s older than me, not amazingly attractive, physically or mentally and is kind of pathetic. I too have some problems. I’m addicted to weed and use it even more as an escape when I’m not happy. Losing my job recently has made abstaining even harder and I’m in a bad sleep pattern, staying up nights and sleeping in the day, tired a lot. She’s been patient with me but the underlying problems are still there. She’s very stuck in the past, loves to reminisce in a sentimental fashion but with a melancholy undertone, for example she told me today she remembered smelling her mum while her mum was dying and thinking ‘this may be the last time I smell her.’ I have to fake it and show sympathy when I really want to say, get over it, she’s gone, we’re living now. Sometimes my façade does break and I then feel cold and mean, it’s lose – lose. I need to end it and move out but I have nowhere to go and no job – how much does that suck? I could live in my car and actually that prospect is becoming more and more appealing. On the road like Kerouac.

    Don’t feel like you need to reply to this nonsense. I’m just offloading a bit here. Liked the article by the way

  • i was alwas complaining on my man about the time dat i want frm him, ever since we were apart for distance i always complaining dat u dnt hv my time, but we were talkinp almost everyday, so 2day when i started that drama again, he just say u knw what i love you, but jst find some1 who can make you happier, i was like afraid dat i loose him, but i apologise, he forgive me nd i will never do dat again…

    • My future wife says she dosnt care if i stay or leave she says she will never chase man but she does the same thing you were doibg to your man and i told her the same thi g he said to you im just mixed up

  • What kind of woman proudly announces on the internet that she cant cook??? How can you keep a man with such attitude, to think you will live on someone else’s cooking all your life is preposterous!!

  • Once a complainer always a complainer, they’ll never change. I know because I’m married to one for almost 27 years.

  • Oh dear! The responses to this really great blog (thanks Trina!) puts me off the idea of blogging! An excellent article that makes a lot of sense and can help a lot of people make better lives for themselves. But she gets attacked for exposing her flaw of not being able to cook and also becomes an Agony Aunt! Wow… get a life people. Trina, sometimes I get into a little downturn when life seems humdrum and then I can get a little naggy with my husband. So thanks for reminding me of all the important points! Hope you still get replies to this old article.

  • Very realistic article. Yup! Complainers destroynot only their relationship, but their lives. I think serial complainers want no pressure, like to procrastinate, and often are afraid of success. Also,they want lots of negative attention, but it is attention without doing any positive things.

  • On the flip side, my boyfriend seeking constant validation by reporting every little detail of how he proudly handled daily situations at his job after constantly complaining about his job, it just as bad. I work, too. Jobs aren’t perfect. People aren’t perfect. Life isn’t perfect. I deal with my job—the good & bad—like a mature adult individual, & don’t expect a pay on the back for every little (subjectively construed) success, or treat my bf like a diary and negatively dump every imperfect situation on him to absorb like a sponge. If I were to feel constantly negative about anything in my life, I would change it & make it better or at least approach it with a positive attitude. I’m cognizant about prioritizing our relationship with every contact & quality time planner together, not bogging him down with my work stress & I wish he would do the same, but he’s obviously overly sensitive & immature, so not sure how to address this sensitively.

  • Here’s how I solved the constant complaining about ever little thing; esp the exhaling, cursing, and expressions. I told him that his complaining was driving me insane and I couldn’t take it anymore. I emailed him an article and told him what I was going to do. I have purchased a whistle on a necklace and I am going to blow it loudly if he complains about trivial things. I think he felt like I was treating him like a child, however I told him he was acting that way. Not one single complaint since them; tho he is pouting. Note: he is 61 years old.

  • What do you do when it’s the guy who complains everyday? It appears, people don’t think that guys do complain too.