A little bit of arguing here and there is normal for a healthy relationship. Having verbal disagreements or dealing with grumpiness once in a while is totally fine, but if you’re in a relationship that has vicious, loud arguments and you want to put a stop to it, then you’ve come to the right place.
Here I’ll run through some great methods for cooling things down before they get too heated and properly extinguishing them if they do. You may think you’ve tried everything already, but there are some approaches you haven’t stuck to that can work to gradually calm things down over time.
So don’t despair, you may find a way to settle your turbulent relationship down right here in this article.
What is the problem you keep fighting about?
Before you can figure out how to stop fighting in a relationship, you need to identify where all the arguments are coming from. How do they start? Are the arguments based on jealousy or personal disagreements?
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Once you identify the cause of the majority of your arguing, you can then make an effort to avoid conflicts before they have a chance to start.
Try to see your behavior objectively
You may not think you’re causing the arguments in any way and that it’s always your partner’s fault, or on the contrary, you may have a temper problem and you know it.
Whatever your situation may be, you should always consider both sides of the argument. Did you do something to exacerbate the situation?
Whatever it may be that you might have done to escalate things, you need to take responsibility for it. That means owning up to it to your partner and apologizing wholeheartedly.
No matter what they did to make you angry, if you did something back or had some kind of a negative reaction to it, you’re still accountable for that.
It’s so easy to forget that the way you react to a situation has an impact that your partner may see as equally bad. That’s why it’s imperative to keep in mind that you’re always responsible for the way you act toward your partner.
If you really love them, you ought to curb those knee-jerk reactions and try to talk it out like an adult, every time. Both of you deserve nothing short of that.
How to stop fighting in a relationship by understanding jealousy
If your arguments are based on jealousy and paranoia, you may be lacking a very important element in your relationship: trust. Do you really, really trust your partner? Do they seriously trust you too?
If either of you has ever given the other any reason not to trust them, then your problem could prove to be very persistent in the future. If the trust is wavering in your relationship, then you have to find a way to reestablish that bond.
The best way to do that is through your actions. The same goes for them. You each need to demonstrate your loyalty to each other time and time again until eventually the breach is repaired.
If you haven’t already tried it, a long, deep conversation about how serious and committed you are about each other is also in order.
Are you the possessive one? If you are then there is something you should consider. You don’t own your partner. They are still a person on their own, and they don’t have to do every single thing that you expect of them.
A little bit of breathing room is always important, and if they have none at all due to a debilitating jealousy issue in the relationship, they aren’t going to be happy about it.
You should try to get your jealousy under control within yourself as best you can. When jealous thoughts arise, you should make an earnest effort to quell the fire with reason before exploding on your partner.
Part of learning how to stop fighting in a relationship with your partner is accepting the fact that they are going to be attracted to other people no matter what, and not only is there nothing you can do to change that, there’s nothing wrong with it.
It’s perfectly normal for them to still be attracted to other people no matter how deeply in love with you they are. That is, as long as they don’t cross the line or breach your trust.
Establishing some kind of limitations might be beneficial to both of you as long as your partner is willing to participate. Coming down on them with a bunch of rules might cause a big problem in itself, so you need to be careful when trying to establish what you both can and can’t do.
If social media seems to be the cause of your jealousy, work something out with your partner that you both can agree to. If it’s a particular person, try to figure out a compromise that you’re both okay with.
Whatever the situation may be, it’s vital that your partner cooperates with you and understands how the relationship can benefit from these changes.
Open communication is essential
Keeping things inside and letting them fester is never the best way to handle a situation. No matter how sick your partner may be of hearing about how whatever they did makes you uncomfortable if you can’t brush it off on your own, you ought to let them know.
Being able to shrug off minor incidences is great if you can actually do it. If you can’t, put it to your partner gently, very gently. As in, don’t come out accusing them and saying you know they did whatever it is you think you did.
Ask them if they did it in a non-confrontational tone. They will appreciate your calm, respectful demeanor. They will get the message loud and clear that it made you feel uncomfortable and it will be noted.
You may be thinking to yourself that you wish it were that easy. The truth is, it takes a lot of effort to get along in a relationship. Some couples are a perfect match and never step on each other’s toes.
Obviously, that’s not the situation you’re in, so you have a pretty big challenge of discovering how to stop fighting in a relationship and get along with your partner. It isn’t easy, but if you really commit yourself to working it out, it is most likely doable.
The ‘talk it out calmly’ approach described above is not a one-time fix by any means. This respectful, considerate method needs to be your bread and butter from now on. Anytime you feel a fight coming on, you need to swallow your pride for a minute, chill out, and talk it through.
Making major changes in your attitude
Becoming a person who calmly talks through your problems might not be a natural transition for you. You are going to have to make some behavioral changes.
If your partner is really the one with the temper problem and you’ve been using this approach for months, then they really need to get on the same page as you somehow.
Either you completely avoid pushing their buttons, or you both make an apparent effort to get along.
Making your intention to end conflicts peacefully plainly obvious shows your partner in the moment that you don’t really want a negative result from the situation.
They will recognize that, and the fact that you’re making an effort in itself will help your partner to cooperate in resolving the problem.
Your partner needs to know that you’re really trying to end the fighting. Once they recognize that you’re doing everything you can, they will inevitably realize that they are the ones continuing to provoke arguments.
They may need your patience and help to follow the same path.