8 Signs YOU Are The Problem In Your Relationship

When something goes wrong in your relationship, it's easy to point fingers and blame your partner. Here's how to know he's not the REAL problem - it's you!

Relationships involve fights. There are the petty ones and the real messy ones where both of you would scream your lungs out at each other.

During these moments, it’s easy to play the blame game and put all the responsibility on your partner, especially when you think you’re not in the wrong.

Yes, he may have made a mistake or two but here’s the thing. Chances are, you’re not completely blameless.

So if you find yourself not taking responsibility over things you know you should be accountable for in your relationship, it will definitely go downhill.

Here are other honest signs that you’re the real problem in your union. We sincerely hope you’d find the courage to admit it right after reading through this list.

You put yourself first all the time

couple arguing

Do you ever recall a time when you’ve let your boyfriend have his way? Or maybe a time when you’ve made a little sacrifice here and there so you can meet his needs? If yes, then great! You’re on the right track.

Sometimes, you have to put his needs first for the relationship to work and he has to do the same thing for you, too. It’s called give and take. On the flip side, if you can’t recall any instance when you’ve let him have his way, then you should know you’re the problem in the relationship.

You should step back and work on changing this bad behavior because no relationship of yours will survive if you’ll continue being a selfish entitled brat.

You let him do all the work

It takes two to tango. You know that by heart but you’re not ready to take it to heart. You don’t give your fair share of efforts in making your relationship survive and thrive.

You want to be the boss (and you think you are) but all you do is sit around and wait for your partner to do everything for you. You don’t work with him like how any good boss would to achieve the goals you’ve set as a couple.

You’ve been so busy asking him to fulfill all the tasks (bills, household chores, etc.) that you’ve failed to notice that he’s the only one doing all the heavy lifting and he’s near his breaking point.

If these things ring true for you, know that it’s not the end yet. You can take baby steps in making your SO feel that he’s not inferior to you but that you are equals in the relationship.

You resort to stonewalling

couple ignoring each other

After heated arguments, are you the type who gives the silent treatment? Cold wars aren’t cool and if you’re playing them in your relationship whenever you get into a fight with your man, you’ll both blow up soon.

It would even be messier and you’d surely not like how it would look when it finally happens. So before it does, be humble enough to approach him after you both had your chance to calm down.

Talk about the problem as I’s so much better than resorting to the cold treatment because as you’ve probably noticed by now, it doesn’t fix anything.

Work together in finding a solution to it after. We assure you, you’ll feel better afterwards.

You don’t compromise

All healthy and successful relationships involve compromise. So if you’re the “My way or the highway” kind of person, you can be sure that your relationships will be doomed no matter how much effort and love is put into it by your partner.

It won’t go anywhere but south. Yes, there are things that you shouldn’t sacrifice for your SO, like your need for personal space and your professional life but come on.

If you truly love him, you’d be able to find a way to meet him halfway. It’s what compromise is all about and you should start learning its art if you want to stay with you SO. You can’t and don’t have to have everything your way all the time.

You want to change your partner

You may not have noticed it but your boyfriend is not some science project that you need to work on! Yes, he’s not perfect. Yes he’s got some issues but you sure does, too.

Respect him for who he is and don’t try to turn him into somebody you want him to be. Of course, he should at least work on being a better version of himself but that’s for him to decide.

Your part as his girlfriend is to support him and guide him all the way through – not to change him because you want him to be someone you’ve imagined him to be.

You focus on his flaws

woman thinking in a caffee

We don’t know why on earth would you hurt someone you love by focusing on their imperfections but if you do, then you’re definitely the problem in your relationship.

To fix this huge mistake and win your partner’s heart back, you have to be humble enough to say “I’m sorry”. Then be sure to validate his feelings and affirm and appreciate the good things he has done in the relationship, too. It will boost his morale and may help bring his affection back to you.

You have high and unrealistic expectations

To have expectations from each other is totally fine and normal. However, if the expectations you’ve set are unattainable and bordering to absurd, then you shouldn’t be surprised if your boyfriend will fail in reaching them.

You should expect to be disappointed because how can he accomplish them to make you a happy girlfriend if they’re unrealistic in the first place?

So sit down and talk about your expectations from each other and when you do, make sure they’re all realistic and attainable.

You don’t notice it when you’re wrong

Admitting you’re wrong is totally another thing but before you get to that point, you’ll first have to recognize that you did make a mistake. If you don’t, then that’s a huge problem right there.

Chances are, you’ve committed a mistake in your relationship more than one time and your failure to notice that can actually cause your partner to harbor a secret resentment against you.

So pause and consider the times you’ve had fights and think about whether you said or did anything that could have hurt him but didn’t apologize for it.

After doing so, be courageous enough to admit it and ask for his forgiveness. That’s one step to rebuild his trust on you and strengthen your relationship once again.

You’re the real problem in the relationship

sad woman looking through the window

Until you realize and admit that you’re the problem in the relationship you’re in, nothing will ever get fixed.

You’ll remain the selfish and immature woman you are now and your relationship may end up being destroyed because of your absurd selfishness.

Your man may soon give up on you and leave you for someone else. Don’t let that happen. Take baby steps in the right direction and change for the better.

It’s never too late if you start working on it today. Seek professional help if you feel you need to and don’t forget that you have friends and family who’d surely support you and be there for you when you need them aside from your man. Good luck!

Have you ever been the problem in your relationship? What made you see yourself that way and how did you get it all straightened out? Share your thoughts in the comments!

About the author

Maine Belonio

Maine Belonio is a twenty-something mom and writer who has a penchant for coffee, long distance running, Tolkien, Switchfoot, and Jesus.

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