First comes love… then comes falling in love with someone else? That may not be how the story goes, but sometimes, you end up caring about two guys at the exact same time.
While this may seem super awkward – and it definitely falls into that category – all hope is not lost.
You can still work out your feelings and take action. This doesn’t have to mean that your life is totally and completely ruined, even though it might feel that way.
If you’re in a relationship but in love with someone else, don’t worry. We’ve got you covered. Read on to find out how to deal.
1) Picture the break-up
The first thing that you have to do when you’re in a relationship but in love with someone else is picture yourself breaking up with your current boyfriend.
Close your eyes if that helps the exercise. How would you feel? Would you be devastated? Miserable? Relieved?
If you feel relief at the thought of ending things, then you definitely aren’t in the right relationship for you and you have to dump this guy for real.
It’s basically like the guy that you have a crush on outside of your actual relationship is a catalyst for realizing what is wrong with your situation. You may not see that right now but that’s exactly what is going on.
On the other hand, if you start crying at the very thought of losing this guy that has been a huge part of your life for so long, then realize that the crush might be a momentary blimp on the horizon of your epic love story.
Sometimes a crush is just that: a crush. You’re human, after all. You’re not immune to thinking a guy is hot and attractive just because you’re already taken.
2) Work out your feelings
The truth is that you might be in love with someone else… but that might not mean that you’re destined to be with that guy.
Maybe the fact that you have feelings outside of your current relationship only means one thing: that you’ve fallen out of love with your boyfriend.
You should use that information to your advantage and be glad that you’ve figured that out.
You can save yourself a lot of time and heartbreak if you end things as soon as you possibly can. Life is way too short to stay in a relationship that’s not working anymore.
If you think that you’ve fallen in love with someone else for a reason – that you’re supposed to be with him instead – then you definitely need to tell him.
But only after you’ve already made a clean break from your BF, of course.
3) Don’t be a cheater
You already know that cheating is pretty much the worst thing you could do in a serious relationship, but if you’re wondering what to do when you’re in a relationship but in love with someone, here’s the deal: don’t cheat. Just don’t do it.
You’re not going to feel better after – in fact, you’re going to feel a whole lot worse.
And that’s not going to give you any clarity or help you choose between the two guys. It’s just going to confuse you even more.
Keep your head held high and your dignity as well. Don’t let your boyfriend ever say that you cheated and that you need to be blamed. You don’t need that.
4) Be realistic
Think about whether you could really see yourself with the person that you are in love with.
Is he even single? If he is on his own, is he looking for a girlfriend? What if he’s also part of a couple?
Be realistic about whether you two could ever really be together. It’s possible that your feelings are just that – feelings – and that you don’t really need to act on them.
Maybe this guy is your work BFF and that’s why you feel so totally emotionally attached to him. It could just be an emotional affair.
While that’s not great and not fair to your boyfriend, it’s not the end of the world and it’s not as bad as physically cheating.
If you know that this guy would make a great boyfriend and that he wants to be with you for real, well, then that’s a totally different story. That just might be the best thing for you.
5) Consider staying
When you’re in a relationship but in love with someone else, the next thing that you can do is consider staying right where you are. Sure, you might not want to do that… but think about it. Really think about it.
Why do you have feelings for someone else? Is it because your relationship has become super boring and you and your BF have become complacent?
Anyone would think about leaving their partner for a shiny new person if they were spending every single night eating take-out and watching television. That’s just not exciting.
Think about saying and what you could do to make your relationship work once again.
After all, you’re most likely with him for a reason, right? There was something that drew you to each other and there must be a reason that you are still together today.
6) Talk to your boyfriend
This may sound crazy – and okay, it is kind of nuts – but you might want to talk to your boyfriend.
That’s because at the end of the day, a relationship pretty much survives or dies out based on how well each person communicates.
You have probably heard that proper communication is the key to having a proper, healthy relationship… and in this case, that’s a popular saying for good reason.
Tell your BF what’s going on. Say that you don’t feel like you two are really in the best possible position these days and that you have started having romantic feelings for someone else.
Honestly, the best thing you can do is be honest and see how he reacts.
He might be totally miserable at hearing the news – and you won’t be able to blame him – or he might be glad because it proves that something has been wrong between you for a while.
He might say that he really wants to make things work and he might re-commit to you all over again. That would be the best case scenario, right?
7) Cut yourself some slack
You might want to hide under the covers forever and you might hate yourself for crushing on another guy when you already have a boyfriend.
Don’t do that, no matter how tempted you might be. Remember this: you’re not a bad person. You don’t need to feel guilty.
Cut yourself some slack because the honest truth is that if you’re in a relationship but in love with someone else, this situation could happen to literally anyone.
You can’t help who you’re attracted to and sometimes your feelings and heart and hormones get the best of you.
That honestly might be all that’s happening here. It’s just a fantasy and it’s not something that you can control.
8) Be prepared
The sad thing is that you might not end up with either one of these guys. That can sometimes be what happens in a love triangle and that’s kind of what you are a part of right now.
If you end up single once again, don’t be depressed. Seriously, put down the mint chocolate chip ice cream, forget the red wine and turn off the chick flicks.
Stop sobbing and texting your BFF that it’s a state of emergency in your heart right about now.
This might be the best thing that could happen. If you don’t end up with either your BF or the other object of your affection, guess what? You weren’t meant to be with either of them. Really and truly.
Be glad that you know the truth and that this crazy confusing time in your life is over. Focus on living your life, being you, and being ready the next time that love comes your way. And this time, it will be for real.
If you’re in a relationship but in love with someone else, this should help you figure out your true feelings and what action you should take next.
You definitely want to act sooner rather than later to avoid a super sticky mess. As long as you can handle this like the mature woman that you are, you should be totally fine.
Have you ever been in love with another guy while you were still with your boyfriend? Do you think that a relationship can ever be saved when that happens? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!
Yes i have this problem, my current boyfriend love me soo much, he is more and more trustworthy to me. But i feel guilty now because of the crush i have on another guy. He is from another religion, he is already in a relationship with other girl. But i can’t stop staring at him when i see him, sometimes i feel like tell my love to him. Once i think about my boyfriend i totally confused. I have already told this to my boyfriend once, he was very sad, about to leave me but not because he love me that much. I can understand i’m in a real love with my boyfriend. But why i am falling in love with that stupid? I have list my whole happiness
My condition is not that way! The guy I love doesn’t love me and the guy that loves me is my love’s best friend. When I told the guy I loved about my feelings, he told I cannot betray my friendship and I know that he doesn’t love me back too. But I love him a lot. I cannot even picture leaving him. He is not with me anywhere but he’s always with me in my imagination and hopes.
Definitely, we want our feelings to be understood by the guy we love. But what is happening is that, love doesn’t care but his best friend (who loves me) cares about me. I feel good when someone cares about me and I like him for what he does for me that expect the guy I love to do. It’s a love triangle. I know I’ll be happy with the guy I like but I can’t let the guy I love go. I’m ready to wait for him.
Yes this happened to me now I endup with no one. Now what should I do when I enter in to new relationship should u tell him all this story or not I’m confused about it
It is happening to me right now… I have a great bf whom I love, but there is a guy who I liked since before I was in my relationship. In the past year something resparked my interest for that other one again, & I have not been able to stop thinking about him for one day in over a year. We talk pretty frequently & I have shared my feelings with him so he knows how I feel. But he does not feel the same so I know that leaving the good guy who loves me for this complicated guy who does not even love me would be a mistake… but I can’t help but always wishing that somehow maybe in the distant future i could have the other guy because he feels like he is my soul mate even though we are very different. There is something about him besides the physical attraction we have shared for many years that I really like about him & my heart can’t shake it. It’s not fair to my bf & it’s not fair to myself either that I keep thinking about an other person. I wish it would just stop.
hello, how are you right now ? is anything changed? you sill think about him.. the other?
I’m going through this right now. Me and my bf have been dating for 10 months. 3 months in person and the rest have been through long distance. I’ve seen him once more in person after the 3 months for a week and that was it. A month later, after I moved, I had class with another guy who I initially thought was attractive. Didn’t think anything of him after that though. One day we actually talked to each other and became associates after that. I thought of him in a very friendly way until one day one of my friends told me that they think he likes me. More people started saying it and then things became weird. Now everything he did, I’m thinking it’s because he likes me. I couldn’t look at him the same anymore. Since I thought he was attractive; the thought of him liking me didn’t seem so bad. I entertained it. Knowing that he may like me, I still talked to him. It was always friendly, never inappropriate but my feelings were the ones that were. The thought of starting anew with someone else was so exhilarating, that it led me to fantasize about what it would be like if me and him were dating. I came to the realization that he is not half the man my current boyfriend is. My current boyfriend knows and seen me in my darkest hour and walked with me every step of the way. He isn’t too soft nor too harsh. I feel that he is perfect, but I just can’t understand why I started getting feelings for another guy? My current bf wants to get married and it’s scary because I had feelings for another man so I feel I am in no shape to be a wife. Though, I don’t want to loose him and it feels that marriage is the only true way we could be together. I don’t know if I should just save him the pain of dealing with me and break up with him or staying strong and trying to work through this tough time with him, in hopes that we could get married???
I ended things between me and the other guy 2 weeks later before things became even more messy. I also confessed and told my bf about it some time later. It’s a hard pill to swallow and tbh Idk how to even handle it myself. This was a good reading but I’m still left so conflicted.
This is exactly the situation i am in… I broke things off with my boyfriend after i told him about it and he went ahead to have sex with a girl he knew i didn’t like.. I feel happy everytime am with the other guy and it really seems like he loves me too but now my boyfriend wants me back, i feel guilty
I’m a guy. And I’ve been in an online relationship for 3 months now. I feel really bad but I’ve grown close feelings to my best friend who I’ve know since forever. I don’t know what to do. If I should act upon it or leave everything the way it is. I don’t want to hurt my current partner but I am worrisome about being in this relationship… Maybe some advice from someone??
I am going through this right now and its worse than you could imagine. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years our relationship started off very rocky but we powered through it. Here we are 7 years later with a house, joint bank accounts, and do our taxes as common-law and two dogs. People see us as the “omg i wish i was them couple”. And truthfully i love him our relationship is very perfect we do eveything together we meet eye to eye on everything . Never a single argument worth remembering and we motivate eachother to excel in our careers. My problem i love someone i have been in love with since 2008. This guy i met in highschool he has always had gfs and cheated on them with me …every single girlfriend. We are completly different meaning hes the joc with the perfect parents and im the messed up girl from a messed up home so bad that i could never tell him my past growing up like how i can tell my boyfriend. Anyways i never cheated on any boyfriends in highschool or college when this guy and i would meet up we would do everything except have sex ( in highschool) . I moved on my own in 12th grade and i kept a distance from him because i didnt want him to know how bad my living siutation was . Thats when i met my current boyfriend who never judged me and accepted me right away. We moved in together i got back on my feet and we purchased a house together. Sorry rewind back to 2013 when mr. Highscbool boy jumped back into my life .. when i was enjoying it the most. I must say i kept texting him back promising i would see him soon he had a gf at this time which he broke up with because i assume . She wasnt me… i think. One day i was having a tough time trusting my current bf because he broke my trust once before. So i did what i shouldnt have done … yes i slept with the guy i think im in love with. Was it amazing?? F**K YES YES YES. And i have done it more than 9 times now in the last 4 years . :( this is horrible and people will say i should leave my current bf and be with who i think im in love with but truthfully he doesnt want me. I mean he wants me for sex, hes cheated on numerous gfs with me and tells me he can picture us doing this when we are in our 40’s and married ?????!! But he doesnt want a relationship with ME! He tells me im smart and beautiful and motivated all via text sometimes a random heart or kissy face, invites me to his house during MY hours not his and replies back to my texts within minutes. I have him on all social media and he tells me when and when hes not dating anyone…. he also went half way across the globe with his gf and sent me a message saying he missed me….. im so confusedddd???????????????? And i know im hurting my boyfriend i trutly am. But i feel deeply i will end up single and i know thats selfish. my boyfriend doesnt deserve this and this guy i think i love which is probably just lust told me to choose my boyfriend, but when i asked him if he then could delete me out his life he didnt answer me … but hes liked now 2 of my most recent pictures on social media . And has not deleted me off facebook insta or snap… he wants to be with me yet doesnt want to date me? Or is he waiting for me???? The difference between the two. My current bf mommas boy to the MAX its almost yuckk… not ambitions only wants what i want doesnt talk to friends nor has any unless i call them for him to hangout.. he never wants to go anywhere because he cant be away from his mother .. im not kidding… .
The guy i think im in love with. Perfect oldschool prim and proper family , completelty opposite from mine highly educated money makers. Plays every sport you can imagine and music. Tall ans strong.. he can pick me up during sex with one hand. The sex is emotional for the both of us and we cuddle after every time. I stay there for hours after and he never asks me to leave. He travels i mean he has seen the world and has 5 things to do everyday.. volunteer, working, working out, spending time with extended family, more traveling, seeing me. Yes we hangout without ever having sex just strictly kissing. And omg the kissing . I remember our first kiss and he does to. And the loook he gives me melts my heartttttttt his eyes alone make me fall deeper and its been that was since 2009. He could be lying but he has said hes never done this with anyone else and he doesnt know why me why he cant stop talking to me why he cheats on his gfs for me.. his exes are like perfect girls!! Beautiful well educated perfect family girls.. so why leave them for me?
I feel like im in a romeo and juliet/ great gatsby situation… helppppppp!!! Please comment idc what the advice says just tell me . You may see this post else where because im getting answers from all blogs. Thank you!
This is my current problem. I am in a year-long relationship with a guy that doesn´t really have a good reputation and isn´t exactly the perfect, nice guy that you would imagine. The whole situation is very awkward since we have a lot of issues but since november I feel like I´ve been in love with this other guy. I just can´t stop thinking about him, I can´t sleep, he keeps popping up in my mind all day long, and all I keep imagining is our life together.
Although this relationship that I am currently in at times feels dysfunctional and not very happy, I still feel very latched to my boyfriend and I don´t want him to get hurt or anything. I can´t talk about this with him, since he is generally not a very good character and also very depressed. How do I know the border between being in love with someone but caring for another?
i am suffering with the same problem which mentioned above.. i am in a relationship wid a guy since last year.. though we were frnds for 1st..recently i hv chnged my city for some work purpose.. and shifted somwhr else whr i met that guy.. my relationship was going smoothly be4 i met wid this guy.. and now is d day whr am totally confused wid two boys at d same time.. few weeks before my bf did something bad to me.. i was really heartbroken.. alone.. and frustrated.. i wanted a frnd whom i can trust or feel happy.. bt somehow i was wrong.. i didn’t expect from me that i can fall for anybody else in this way.. i
hv lost my interest abt a
Thank you so much, recently I’ve come into a predicament like this and i wasn’t sure what to do. The only thing i had thought of was to hate my self for my feelings but this article gave me a new look on things. i think i have an idea of what to do now and i feel a wave of relief now that i know that im not the only one who has gone through this. I hope you have a great life
OMG. Help.My friend that i’ve been liked for a long time confessed to me..BUT its too late.. After my gf confessed to me we created a relationship and after a couple of days the news spread all around the school. and my friend knew.. she was so sad i could read her face.. i know..i’ve been knew she liked me too.. but im so stupid..and now idk what to do.i love my friend..but i alr in a relationship.and my gf is really precious too precious to be hurt.omg im only 17 but why am i need to go through things like this!!!
It really confusing falling in love with another guy while in a relationship, am in that situation right now and damn it, am so confused, have been with my guy for 3 years and now am in love with another guy, am at a cross road and it driving me naught
I am in the same situation right now after 2 years 1/2 being with my bf…
Wow this helped a lot thank you so much your a blessing
Ok so the guy that I like likes me too but a girl asked him out and he said yes, one of my friends who happens to be my ex asked me out so I said yes but, I found out the guy I like still likes me too and he’s willing to break up with her too the reason why I found out it’s cuz one of my friends heard him but I don’t know what to do im so confused at the moment.
I’ve been going through the same thing for over a year…. it’s so hard and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years, but I don’t know if I’m in love with my other guy friend or not. My BF and the other guy have always both liked me, and I was friends with the other guy first, he eventually started dating a mutual friend, and she broke up with him and he was devastated, I helped console him and we were basically like best friends for months. He found out my BF and I started dating and said it was painful and that he couldn’t be around me anymore because it reminded him of his “failures” and of the girl who broke up with him? Idk. Anyways we were still best friends as I’m dating my bf, who is absolutely perfect btw… I genuinely love him so much we spend so much time together, and I would absolutely never cheat on him, I love him more than anything. But me and my friend used to hagn out and people always told me he still liked me even though he denied it, we agreed that we’re just friends, I made that clear a long time ago, and it’s not like we could ever date anyways since it would have to be long distance while im in college (something my BF was completely willing to do this past year, and it didn’t cause us to break up). I just don’t even know if I’m in love with my friend. its so confusing. We connect super well, we always have instantly we got along, and I didn’t even consider dating him before people kept telling me that he liked me. We used to hang out a lot and Skype for hours but to me he was still always a best friend, and we’d go on adventures and he is just so fun, but how can I tell if he is just a friend or if I actually love him? I try to imagine dating him, but its just so hard to grasp what reality would be like. I jsut want this to go away so I can feel secure with my current boyfriend instead of staying up at night trying to figure out if I actually love this other guy, or if I should have gone out with him instead of my boyfriend. I really don’t want to break up with my BF, I love him and I honestly wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him so devastated either, he is a perfect guy, he is genuinely so understanding and caring and puts up with everything I throw at him, and I trust his judgement more than anyone elses, and I’ve talked to him about this and he says that he doesn’t think im in love with my friend. I just want to stop being so confused.
I’m going through the same thing as everyone. I was searching the web, trying to see if I can come across an article that will help with me being so freaking confused about my situation. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years, he’s seen me at my worse and my best and still loves me. he’s truly my bestfriend and I can see my future with him because we want the same thing in life granted I’m 23 and he’s 21, but I feel like I’m teaching him about life rather than he’s teaching me, I wear the pants in the relationship honestly because my character is that strong. however, I met this MAN ( 31 ) he’s amazing, he makes me want to grow up into a woman, he makes me feel sexy and confident & makes me feel safe. He puts me in my place & doesn’t let me walk all over him. He’s ready for marriage & kids & im not ready yet. I have a strict family & with my boyfriend he knows the regulations and restrictions and respects it but a 31 year old isn’t going to put up with a little girls restrictions. I have had sex with the 31 year old for the past 6 months & ive learned a lot from him. I can’t seem to let go of my boyfriend I am terrified that if I let go what I KNOW is good for me for something that I’m unsure it would be promising, is so scary. I don’t feel the connection with my boyfriend anymore, I don’t feel the need to say I love you. I know I don’t feel the same but I’m so secured on how he fits so well in my life right now I’m scared to risk it all for the 31 year old.
This guy I didn’t take notice of him at first. However he started to behave weirdly and I realised that is because he likes me. I wanted to just treat him as a normal Friend n work colleague but he behaved even more weirdly and make things difficult in work for me. I really couldn’t bear such cold treatment and eventually caved in to giving him what he wanted. Slowly, I began to crave for him. The more he withdrew, it had opposite effects on me as I’m a person who doesn’t like conflict. I didn’t know why I didn’t reject him when it was the right thing to do. I was going through a rough but temporarily patch with my bf. He always brought out his sob stories and I didn’t have the heart to reject him anymore(being the third time). The more he looked pitiful(he hasn’t had a proper gf for so many years ) and I thought screw it, I shall just let him experience how it is like to have a proper gf . Little did I know that was a mistake and I developed real feelings for him. Every time he made me sad, my heart felt painful and I was drinking away. It’s not that my bf treat me badly, in contrast he is the nicest and dearest guy to me. However, this guy is not the most normal and I find myself stuck in this messy situation. It’s worse when I started to care for him like how a lover does:(
I am going through the same thing. Can you give me an update on your situation and what I should do?
I am currently dealing with this. It’s a relief to read this so thank you, Aya, for your positive input. I have been with my current boyfriend for three and a half years. I have known him for 8 years. His cousin was one of my best friends in high school and our families were really close and were always together. My current boyfriend and I first noticed each other on a cruise where both of our families attended and nothing ever came out of it because he was shy and I was in another relationship. I thought he liked me because he “planted a seed” (I like to say) but convinced myself that I was crazy and dropped it. Time flies, I go through bad boyfriend’s, and then the summer of 2014, I’m single and it’s just a normal day at his cousin’s house and then he plants that same damn seed I felt all those years ago! A few months fly by and all in one night, he kissed me, told me he loved me and that he wanted to be with me. I was shook to say the least.
I had been single for 9 months before he and I started officially dating. I went out with a bunch of guys and was waiting for the “one” to naturally sweep me off my feet and love me for all of me. That was my current boyfriend. It happened so naturally and kind of fast. But with the support of our families and all of their excitement, of course I felt that it was perfect and that I was totally ready. We moved in together after 7 months and that is where things really started to get interesting.
After two months of dating, I was still hung up on my ex before my current boyfriend and would secretly meet up with him. My boyfriend is VERY aware of his surroundings so he confronted me and immediately then, he developed trust issues with me. He says he trusts me but his actions speak louder than his words. When I was single, to fill in the gaping hole in my heart from that previous relationship, I would fill it with the love and attention of other men. I became “addicted” because; always being the monogamous type, it was new, exciting, and the best distraction from my pain. “If I don’t commit to someone, no one can hurt me anymore. I can be completely selfish and have whoever, whenever I want.” I guess I wasn’t ready to let that go when I started dating my current boyfriend.
Time flies and I develop crushes and find myself secretly kissing other guys. I never slept with anyone. Just a lot of kissing while still in my current relationship. Not right, I know, but it’s what happened. Then I met him…
We went to music college together. In my heartache, I had written some music that expressed my vulnerability. When he heard it for the first time, his reaction gave me chills and we made a connection immediately. In my most sensitive moment, I felt that he was the one person who understood me… even though I barely knew him. We instantly became friends and were inseparable since.
My boyfriend immediately didn’t like this new “random” friendship. He couldn’t “understand” where it came from. I did not have feelings for him like I do now and told him it was nothing, which it was! I have a very natural vivacious personality that comes across as flirty. My boyfriend always had issues with that but I swear my intentions were good! With constant arguing and insecurities, he pushed me to the point where I said, “f**k it. I am going to just do what I want. I am tired of trying to be somebody that I’m not to satisfy him.” I went to see my friend that night and I kissed him… I kissed him hard in the rain. It was one of the most intense moments of my life.
After that moment, our connection and love for one another grew. We tried to stop but we couldn’t help ourselves. He wasn’t just someone I loved… he was my muse, my fire, and my best friend. My boyfriend saw this happening and I tried to deny it because I didn’t want this to become a reality but I couldn’t fight it anymore. I confessed to him yesterday that I had developed very strong feelings for my friend and he was very upset but calm. I have been super stressed, depressed and anxious and needed to get it off my chest.
I don’t know what I want or what I am doing. He said he understands me but that I can’t see my friend anymore. I woke up really depressed and heart broken. I don’t have the heart to tell him I can’t speak with him anymore. I feel weak and it makes me mad. I understand where my boyfriend is coming from but I still don’t think it’s right.
I have a lot of thinking to do.
I have an AMAZING situation going on with me (not really). My fiance and I just moved out to our own place, with his best friend. I’ve known for a while that his best friend had a crush on me. He is always doing nice things for me. Turns out, I’ve had a crush on him too, for like a year and a half. At first it was harmless. I knew this and knew living with both of them would be a bad idea… But the thought of living with the boy I liked (not my fiance) was.. Exciting. Yay! Getting to spend more time with both of them! I never expected boy #2 to actually ADMIT his feelings for me, but he did. He said he was in love with me. A major crush. For FIVE YEARS. (Me and my fiance have been dating just under 4 years)boy #2 actually asked me out in high school, before my current bf did. We never went out. Then, Me and my fiance were going through a rough patch (literally like a week into moving out) and I told boy #2 how I felt as well. We fooled around, for like 3 days. I broke up with my fiance, for like a day. Me and boy #2 decided it wouldn’t work out within that night ( btw he also has a gf) so I called the fiance back to live with us (stupid mistake) and now I’ve been trying to forget boy #2 while still being with my fiance. Well it’s been about two weeks now? And I realize I’ve fallen out of love with my fiance and yet STILL have a crush on boy #2. I Told him over text that bringing back my fiance was a bad idea and I wished I’d given him more of a shot. To which he replied that he loved his current gf and didn’t want to mess up what he had with her. Told him I understood but I felt so played. I still think its a lie and he might still love me. Thinking if I get rid of my fiance we could still work things out. Sooooooooo many emotions to work though. UGH!
I’m dealing with this right now.
But, I’m in love with the other guy AND my boyfriend of 5 years.
Super painful.
Super stressful.
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Good luck Luna, I am in the same situation right now and I just can’t eat dinner and wake up being anxious…
Hi, no one will probably reply to me but I need help?. I am heartbroken, torn apart and more … I have been seeing the comments and it’s mainly the girl’s who have a crush on another man while dating someone. But mine is the opposite. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. He’s my everytbing. We have seen each other grow as teenagers to adults and it was amazing. He recently confessed that he’s been in love with me and another girl the whole 3 years. I had no idea. He used to tell me stories about his guy “friend” and scenarios of his guy issues with this girl. So like saying he likes her but she has a boyfriend and that there’s been a connection ever since he doesn’t know what to do. Even more recently, he confessed this “friend” was actually him so my boyfriend. This happened few days ago it’s very fresh. He says he was depressed and guilty couldn’t tell me didn’t want to break me and ruin me. He says he has never done anything with her never flirted either as she’s with someone else. But they texted behind my back. He says he loves their conversations and that’s something me and him don’t have. I’m not sure what to do. Is this just an emotional affair ? Is he only loving things about her because I lack them or the relationship ? Is there a way for me to forgive him and stay with him or let him go. Because he says he loves me as well … please help.
There is another way of dealing with this situation, too. I have been in an online, long-distance relationship with someone for over 2 years now. She isn’t married, but has been with the same man for over 20 years. In the early months, I hoped she would split with him and give us a chance to pursue what was developing between us, but as time when on, it became evident she’s still very much in love with him and he loves her, too. I still didn’t abandon her or give her any ultimatums, and she held tightly to me, as well. In more recent months, I have decided to simply accept that she is in dual relationships. Obviously, she is capable of being in love with 2 men at the same time, so… I simply let her. I don’t hold anything against her, certainly don’t try to talk her into leaving him, and graciously accept the love she shows to me. It takes a level of maturity not everyone can achieve, but it sure feels a lot better engaging in a dual, as opposed to dueling, relationship!
I am in a relationship with my best friend. I have known him for five years and have lusted after him while he was in another relationship for two of those five years and now I’ve finally got him. We’ve been officially dating for just over two months and I honestly believe he would do anything for me. He loves me so much and I love him too.
About five months ago I was dating this other guy who I fell for hard and fast. We have both confessed to each other that we were in love and although everything happened in such a short amount of time, it felt very real. It ended for multiple reasons, the main one being that he got back together with his ex and I got together with my current boyfriend. I still see this guy everyday and he is one of my close friends, as well as one of my boyfriend’s.
My current relationship is safe, comfortable, open and built off of a strong friendship. I trust him and can tell him anything and know he’ll still love me. My relationship with my ex was passionate, intense and never predictable. I was infatuated by him, but we could never be fully open with each other. Since we broke up, we have had multiple drunk and sober conversations about how we felt about each other and how we wished things had happened differently for us, but us both being in new relationships meant we could never be anything more than friends, even if our feelings were never completely gone.
Last night, I was hanging with my group of friends, which includes both of these guys and I had a chat with my ex about us. One thing led to another and we eventually ended up sleeping together. I cheated on my boyfriend and he cheated on his girlfriend and I feel awful about it. I love my boyfriend and hate the idea of hurting him, but I couldn’t help myself in the moment. The worst thing is that I don’t know who I want to be with more. I feel like I should be cutting off my ex completely and focusing on my relationship and he should be doing the same, but I don’t know if I can. If anyone has any advice, I’d appreciate it. I’ve made a terrible mistake but I don’t know where it outs me now.
im going through this now and i feel its because of our new baby and my bf is a first time dad this is my second and we work opposite shifts there’s no rest or break between the kids and work for the both of us we have not had a moment to just ourselves in 2 years and he is not the positive guy i met he is always so negative and a Grinch sometimes towards the kids when they are just playing and laughing because he doesn’t want to hear noise when he is sleeping in the living room or bed room no matter if we are in a different room than him he complains, we walk on egg shells cause he always tired which i get, but as a mother i guess we just have that undeniable strength to just do what we do tired and all with a smile on our face and no complaints and its just draining me at this point. i try and be positive and uplift him and tell him this time will pass and the baby will eventually fend for himself and not cry as much and be able to attend school mind you the baby just turned 1 but with his negative energy its drained me of the love i have for him in so many ways i dont even look at him the same… and not wanting to do anything as far as outings with the kids since we dont have child care to have personal intimate moments. i love him and i know he loves me but im worn out and ive expressed this to him on how i feel but nothing has changed. Which has caused me to reminisce about the guy i was speaking to before him and i ve spoken to him via text but i refuse to cheat i know its not right even texting him and he is well aware of my situation and wants me just as much as he did prior to us loosing touch but im so confused because i know its hard for my bf to deal with having kids and working not able to do what he wants when he wants like when he had no kids and single plus the lack of rest i love him but i know i fell out of love awhile ago,but i feel compelled to make it work because i know he is trying and he really loves me plus there is kids involved. i dont want to hurt him and nor lead anyone on so ive stopped corresponding with my friend but he hasn’t and now he is texting me waiting for me to decide what im going to do asking me how do i feel about marriage and religion. ive never been so divided in my life , as far as who matters more his feelings the kids feelings my feelings. ive always been the type to care for others more than myself and im not sure when and where do i matter….or is this even going to work or will things jus t continue this way i find myself being depressed and literally miserable