How To Control Jealousy In A Relationship

Lack of trust and lack of communication can be damaging and could lead to a breakup. Here is how to control your jealousy and save the relationship.

At some point, you will experience jealousy in your relationship. In moderation, it shouldn’t cause a problem. But if it persists, your relationship will break down very quickly.

It’s not about erasing jealousy from your relationship – it’s about controlling it. You’re a couple in love, of course, you are going to feel jealous. As long as you are both willing to work on your problems and make compromises there’s no reason why you should break up.

It’s important to not let your jealousy build up. Read on to find out how you can control it and work on making your relationship healthier.

Don’t compare previous relationships

Young couple arguing in a cafe. Relationship problems

Being lied to or betrayed in a previous relationship can cause you to have a negative view on love. Maybe your boyfriend cheated on you or lied to you about something important, so you find it difficult trusting your current partner in case they replicate these actions. It’s unfair to compare your relationship to past ones and this can be very damaging.

You will probably be on your guard in your current relationship to protect yourself from being hurt again. You can’t move on if you keep looking back at the past. Don’t let your fears and doubts take over, as it could push away the one person you want to keep close.

Try to let go of any negative feelings attached to your past relationships. There’s a reason why your other relationships never worked out. It’s time to move on and learn to trust someone new.

Stop checking their social media

Don’t stalk your boyfriend online. Just don’t do it. In most cases, you want to put a stop to your doubts by hopefully finding nothing incriminating, but this will have the opposite effect. It can easily turn into an unhealthy obsession where you feel the need to check up on your boyfriend daily.

You start looking at everything. You read his tweets, check his Instagram likes and go through his phone, but what are you looking for? Confirmation? A reason to start an argument? It’s not healthy and it needs to stop.

You may think you can hide your stalking habits, but sooner or later your boyfriend is going to find out what you’ve been doing. He will know that you don’t trust him and that will put a clear strain on your relationship.

Not many people will stay with someone who obsesses over every tweet and every like – it’s just not right. You’re creating problems out of nothing. If you have suspicions talk to your partner and hopefully you will find that you have nothing to worry about.

Change your attitude

If you continue the relationship with the same attitude, you will only be pushing him away. He needs to know that you are trying to control your jealousy. Healthy couples talk about their problems, so if there’s something bothering you, explain this to him without it leading to an argument.

Two people can love each other but have completely different interests and that is OK. Your boyfriend might decide to spend a day with his friends instead of you and although this might make you feel like you are second place, you have to understand that he needs to socialize with other people.

And so should you. Instead of feeling upset, make plans with a friend. It’s good to have space from each other and enjoy someone else’s company.

Stop playing games

Flirting woman at party with jealous partner

If you are serious about your relationship, don’t risk losing them by playing games. It’s not worth it. Flirting with another guy in front of your boyfriend is extremely immature and it could have the reverse effect. Instead of getting jealous it might push him further away.

If the only way to get attention from your boyfriend is to try and make him jealous, then that’s a red flag right there. You should consider why you feel insecure and whether it is a reflection of your relationship. Is your lack of trust connected with your lack of self-esteem? You can’t blame your partner for your own insecurities, that’s something you have to work on.

Also, communication is key. Maybe he takes a few hours to reply to your texts and that upsets you – talk to him about it. Not everyone has their phone attached to their hand. Or it could be that he simply has no idea it’s even a problem. If you’re not honest with each other, the relationship cannot progress.

Don’t bring up the past

Steer clear from bringing up the past, especially when it comes to ‘keeping score’ of mistakes in your relationship. These things are usually mentioned in arguments as a way of blaming your partner for the issues in your relationship.

It can quickly turn into a competition where both parties are continuingly trying to compete with one another, which is very unhealthy. You are supposed to be on the same side, not fighting on opposite sides.

Bringing up past mistakes will inevitably cause further arguments. It’s hard to move on when someone is always reminding you of things that you did in the past.

Your boyfriend may feel like you are attacking him. The truth is you’re not angry with him you are jealous, and this is your way of communicating that. You need to put it behind you and start tackling the issues in your relationship.

Take responsibility

No one else is responsible for your jealous feelings. You are the only person standing in the way of a healthier relationship. Don’t shift the blame on to your partner or anyone else. Own up to your own insecurities and work on getting them under control.

Talk about your feelings

Portrait of an attractive woman seriously listening to her boyfriend while on a date

It’s obvious when someone is jealous. Admitting it isn’t the easiest thing to do but it shows maturity and an ability to own up to your own flaws. Be open about your jealous feelings and try to make your boyfriend understand why you feel the way you do.

Maybe you can compromise on a few things. If your partner is staying out late, a quick text to let you know where he is will be enough to put your mind to rest.

You shouldn’t expect constant reassurance, but reaching out to your boyfriend will allow him to see things from your point of view. Together, you can work on your insecurities and the other problems in your relationship. It may take a while to let go, but some reassurance can definitely help.

Work on your insecurities

If you see your boyfriend talking to another girl, don’t assume that it’s anything more than him being polite. It’s easy to let your imagination run wild and start assuming the worst but if your boyfriend tells you he loves you, believe him.

Start thinking about why you feel like this. Has your boyfriend given you a reason to be suspicious or are you doubting yourself?

You see another girl and instantly start comparing yourself to her. She’s pretty, which makes you assume that your boyfriend wants her instead of you. Don’t do this to yourself. You need to start believing that you are worthy of someone loving you.

Our own insecurities can make us feel like we deserve less than what we have, but it’s not true. You deserve to be loved, with all of your flaws and insecurities, just as you are.


About the author

Coralle Panrucker

Coralle is a freelance writer and blogger who talks about various topics from relationships, love, health and freelance writing. She's currently writing a book.

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