How To Stop Thinking About Him For Good In 10 Easy Steps

It's not easy to stop thinking of someone you've given your heart to but hey, it's not impossible either. Read on to learn how to stop thinking about him.

It could have been just a date or two, or a long relationship you believed was meant to last forever. Whichever it is, you just can’t seem to get over the fact that “magic” you shared together has ended and maybe you two will never get back together again.

Now you are in pain because of the breakup and the fact that you can’t get him out of your mind (no matter how hard you try to) is driving you insane.

The good and bad times you’ve shared as a couple play in your head over and over again and your brain is stuck thinking of what you could have done to prevent the fallout.

If you’re going through this agonizing moment at this time, we’ve got good news for you: You’re not the only one.

More importantly, there’s a way to get out of such an unfortunate (but totally not hopeless) situation and we’ve rounded them up in today’s list.

Here’s how to stop thinking about him for good!

1) Be rational

Beautiful young brunette woman reading book wearing knitted poncho sitting home by the window

So easy to say but so hard to do, right? When you’re hurt, chances are your mind is full of irrational thoughts. It may be striving for an acceptable explanation of why things happened the way they did and trust us, it can easily go out of control once this starts.

So when your mind starts to drift off somewhere you know can encourage irrational thoughts, stop. Close your eyes and breathe. Focus on the fact that some things happen for a reason and sometimes, you’re better off not knowing whatever that is.

When you do this, you’ll eventually learn to stop thinking about him. We’ve been there and we know you can get through it like the strong woman you are.

2) Cut off all kinds of communication with him

You may have decided to part ways amicably and if so, chances are there will still be one form of contact or another. While this is totally okay, it’s not something that can help you with what you’re trying to achieve right now – to stop thinking about him.

So don’t call or return his calls. Don’t text. Stop responding to his private messages. Do this while you’re positive that you’re not over him yet. If you start getting friendly sooner than later, you may not be able to really recover.

3) Remove everything that will remind you of him

You obviously can’t just delete all the photos you have of him and the good times you’ve shared together on your phone.

If you’re not yet ready to do that, what you can do is store them somewhere else where you can’t easily view them when you’re feeling down and missing him terribly.

Remove any of his things from your apartment and if it will help you forget about him easily, store everything he gave you in a box and put it someplace else. Doing so will help you stop thinking of him and what memories you’ve shared when you were still a couple.

4) Don’t spy on his social media accounts

woman in front of big screen computer

Yes, we know you did and you probably are scrolling through his Facebook timeline right now looking at what he’s been up to lately (and wishing his life has been miserable since you two went your separate ways).

Doing this won’t help you to move on. You’d just feel worse, especially if he’s having a blast in his newly found single life. Log out and in case you can’t do it, don’t type his name in the search box. You’ll thank us later!

5) Find a distraction then stay distracted

Go to the gym and work out like a beast. If you don’t fancy letting some steam off by getting all sweaty, find another thing you enjoy doing. It can be yoga or painting. It can also be something extreme like skydiving or wakeboarding.

Whichever it is, do it. Don’t lock yourself up in your room. Get out of the house and do anything that can help your silly mind focus on anything but him. Replace those old memories by creating new ones. You can do this!

6) Pamper yourself

There’s no better time to treat yourself to anything you want than when you’re single.

So if you want to buy a new pair of shoes or that elegant bag that you’ve been eyeing for months, let nothing and no one stop you.

Go on a vacation so you can spend more time to yourself and possibly meet new people who can help take your mind off him.

7) Reinvent yourself

woman holding a black mirror and looking at it

Don’t just sit in front of the TV and watch romcoms that don’t make you feel any better at all. Take a shower, get dressed to kill, and take a trip to the salon.

Get a new haircut and walk out like you’re a totally different person, someone who has not gotten her heart smashed to pieces before.

Trust us when we say that when you transform yourself into something you’ve always wanted to be, your stubborn mind will follow.

8) Go out on a casual date

Seeing new people will surely help when you can’t stop thinking of him. It will give that brain of yours new people to think about and focus on.

So call up your girlfriends and let them know you’re single and ready to mingle. Just be sure not to obsess over every guy you go out on a date with because if you do, it defeats the purpose of trying to stop thinking him.

9) See your friends and family

When your mind is all stressed and obsessed, you’d get a breather if you allow yourself to talk about your thoughts and every baggage your heart carries. Who will you call when you’re ready to spill all the beans?

Of course, it would be trusted friends and family. Nobody knows you better than them. More importantly, nobody can listen better to your sordid and painful tales than them. So give your BFF or your mom a call then hit the road. It’s always worth the trip.

10) Forgive


We’ve put this last on this list because we know this is the hardest part. Forgiveness doesn’t come easily and it’s an agonizing process to have to go through.

But you know what? This is one of the quickest ways to stop thinking of him. When you genuinely forgive him even if he’s not sorry, you’re freeing yourself from anything negative that happened between you and him.

And when you do, your heart and mind would be free of any thoughts related to him, too.

*When you can’t stop thinking about him: Live in the present

Let’s face it: you can’t get him off your mind post-break up because your mind is still living in the past. When you’re obsessed with what happened in the past, it takes control of your present.

Your present then becomes nothing but a painful fruit of your past, of things you no longer have control over, and things you can’t change anymore. How do you get out of this vicious phase?

First, you’ve got to realize that you’re not living in the moment. When that has sunk in, accept the fact that the past has passed and you need to pull yourself back to the present so you can start reclaiming what you’ve lost during the process: your precious and irreplaceable self.

It’s not always an easy thing to do so if you struggle with getting it done, never think twice of seeking help from people who truly care and love you: your friends and family.
Good luck!

Have you ever been with someone whom you can’t stop thinking about after your breakup? Tell us about it in the comments.


About the author

Maine Belonio

Maine Belonio is a twenty-something mom and writer who has a penchant for coffee, long distance running, Tolkien, Switchfoot, and Jesus.


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  • I think this may help me to recover from a break up.

    He break up with me because he is tired of saying sorry all the times and there is no point of continue to our relationship if we are apart.

    He cheated me with his ex and some of his friends (friends with benefit) but i gave him chances to change he constantly reminding me that cheating is okay and all men does.

    He dont trust me at all and he thinks all the times i cheat on him like he did to me.

    Its hard to let go of everything. Even though i did not realize it was over, i beg him to stay. But Since i am tired of trying to get his attention and affection. I admit i accepted the break up and now i am trying to get him out of the system.

    He is a loving guy i ever met. Too bad he consistently hurts me by cheating on me so many times and our relationship was based on a lie since day 1 because he still sees his ex and have sex with him.

    I admit i had my shortcomings as a girlfriend because this relationship was a long distance.

    I am hoping to forget him totally despite of all memories we have.

  • 2+ year relationship ended. I feel like it was all a lie. He told me we were going to get married. He loved me and accepted me for my mental problems. He has some himself. There was a lot of empty threats of breaking up, but this time, is real to me. He went from being in love to falling out in a matter of days. But yet he tells me he still loves me and wants me, but he can’t. He “wants to fix his life alone and can’t have a relationship.” (More bs) He keeps saying right now. He hints at rekindling later, but I don’t believe him. I just want him out of my head and heart.

    • Omg s EssJay! You are mirroring my life right now! He told me the same things it was a little over a year that we were together but he was my first love way back when and I got back with him 30 years later. MISTAKE MISTAKE MISTAKE. I dumbed down my life for what empty promises? I just want his sorry a$$ out of my head. I know I will never get back with him because my life is so much better now. I just want him out of my head!

  • We were together just one month. Well, he broke up with me 2 days before it was a month
    sooo?he made up a lie, why he broke up with me and told the truth to all of our friends, but not me. I was really sad, that he can’t even tell me the truth, so i decided to stop thinking about him and all this stuff. But i am really emotional person, so i can’t stop and it has been already 2 months. I want to forget him so bad, but i just can’t.??

  • HI,

    I cannot stop thinking about my ex. We tried long distance since September. He lived in Japan then moved back to Amsterdam. I live in Canada. We spent the entire summer together in Greece and Italy ( he is Italian). Iv never loved anybody so much. It was a cliche romance. I met him last year on exchange and we spent so much time together in Amsterdam. We decided to do long distance, and it made me very depressed. I was needy, calling and messaging him constantly. I bought a ticket to Amsterdam and visited him for two weeks at the end of February. He seemed distant for sometime before I left, and I had many doubts. But I pushed them away, fearful that Id lose him. I still had hope. The moment I arrived in Amsterdam, he told me he wanted our relationship to end. That he had lost feelings for me. And then, that he had already slept with someone else in Japan. Even if he hadnt cheated, my heart was broken. Id held onto the idea of being with him for 6 months. Then, for him to not tell me his feelings had changed, that was so dishonest and selfish. For me to fly across the world ( that is not cheap!) to see him , to know that we had the same love, but only for him to tell me it was over.. I spent time with him while I was there, what else could I do? I suppressed my anger, and we tried to have a good time. I know I was still in love and being with him again made it more difficult to let him go. Iv never felt real heart ache until now. Now I am back in Canada, incredibly angry at him for wasting my time, energy and money. But I still think about him, and still feel love, still want him back even though this proved that we had poor communication and that he was only thinking of himself, he was not looking out for my best interests. Now I am broke, angry and heartbroken. I thought Id be able to let him go, but I want him back. At the same time, im finding it very hard to forgive him for this hurt. I feel like im in a really bad dream. Like there is still a chance I will wake up and he will message me. That i will hear his voice. I don’t want to believe its over. WHat do you suggest? I am trying to finish university ( these are my last 6 weeks) and feel so distracted and depressed. He didnt think of me, only of his thrill. Then he said, the thrill is gone… iv tried distractions, writing out my regret for not seeing his change of heart, Iv cried much, I want to call other friends and family, but I feel I am being annoying. – Lost in the void

  • We’ve been together for 4 months, and it was amazing the first three months and then he started changing. He left me without even giving me a reason. Without an explanation. This is what really hurts me. And here i am always thinking about him

  • I have cried for 10 years for him. But thanks to you. I try to forget anything about him.

  • I don’t see any recent replies. Anyway, it was just a month, and there was instant chemistry between us . We had such good times together, our dates lasted all day, we talked for hours on the phone. He talked of future things we’d do. Then he dropped a couple bombs on me. He was separated, but still legally married. She was actually in another country and had left him. Now, she has cancer and wants him back. He said he “likes” me more, but because of her situation, he couldn’t say no to her.
    This is killin me inside. I think of him 24/7. Waiting for him to come back to me. I want to call him, text him. This is so hard. Never been through anything like this before.