When it comes to bigger things, how do you know whether or not a guy is lying? Here are some tell-tale signs that you shouldn’t ignore.
Liar, liar pants on fire!
Wouldn’t it be nice if you could strap a guy to a lie detector every time you thought he was making something up? While that isn’t really a possibility (unless you want to go all “Meet the Parents” on him), you can use the following tactics to figure out whether or not a guy is lying to you.
1. The long pause
A straightforward question usually has a straightforward answer.
- Who was that on the phone?
- A work colleague. We had to discuss tomorrow’s big presentation.
- Where were you last night?
- Out with the boys at X bar. I thought I told you already.
If he takes a second or two too long to answer and fumbles when he eventually does, maybe he’s buying time to cook up a lie.
- Why didn’t you answer my call yesterday?
- Umm… Errrr… I didn’t know that my phone was on silent.
You get the drift.
2. Eye contact
They say that your eyes are the window to the soul and boy is that true in this case. Amateur liars are usually nervous and will avoid looking into your eyes when lying. But veteran liars know that not maintaining eye contact is suspicious so they do the opposite and maintain too much eye contact.
When a person lies, generally he or she blinks more often. Now, this isn’t a telltale sign as some people naturally blink a lot, but if it occurs with other signs of deception, you may want to consider it a red flag.
Also, if a right handed person tells the truth, they tend to look up and to the left when they’re trying to recall details. However, if they are making up a story, they will look up and to the right.
3. Body language signs
Did you know that 93% of communication is actually non-verbal? Amazing, right? His mouth may say one thing but what really matters is what his body is doing. If you think he’s lying, watch him closely. Does he start perspiring? Or does he cross his legs or fold his hands?
Maybe he constantly touches his nose or blocks parts of his face with his hands? Does he use his hands excessively and make nervous gestures? Or blinks a lot? Does he seem fidgety, or talks a lot faster than usual? If you answered yes to most or all of these, chances are your intuition is right. He probably is lying to you.
Imagine if you ask me a question and I answer “yes” but shake my head “no”. You’d be confused right? Which one is true? Well, when you’re verbally told one thing but someone’s body language says something else, always go with the body because that can’t lie like the mouth can.
4. Too many or too little details
Some people tend to overcompensate for a lie by giving away more details than they usually would. Other people would rather not answer too many questions related to the lie and therefore give as little information as possible.
Either way if you have your doubts, pry a little more. Ask questions about the details that he’s mentioned and see if he slips up. Chances are if it is all made up, he will fumble somewhere.
5. He’s been a different person lately
This applies especially if he’s hiding something big from you. Remember Walter White from Breaking Bad and his personality change? If he’s not his usual cheerful self, if he seems grumpy, and gets annoyed or picks a fight when you ask him what’s going on, chances are there’s more than meets the eye.
A drastic personality change can also be attributed to a phase or a traumatic event but if it’s sudden and has no possible explanation, consider it a huge red signal!
6. He gets defensive
This one is a bit tricky because it’s natural for people to get ticked off when you accuse them of lying, irrespective of whether or not they are guilty. But if his defensiveness is over the top and he tries really hard to prove his innocence (and fails), you may want to navigate with caution.
7. He suddenly acts secretive
We all like our personal space but nothing says “I’ve got something to hide” like sudden secretive behaviour. If he snaps his laptop shut when you walk into the room, deletes his browser history, keeps his phone with him ALL THE TIME (including the shower), doesn’t answer the phone when you’re around and deletes all his texts, he’s obviously hiding something.
8. History of lying
Now I’m not talking about silly white lies like “I’ll be there in 10 minutes” when he really means 30. I’m talking about serious, relationship-affecting lies.
Of course people deserve a second chance, but some people just don’t get how lucky they are and sooner or later, they falter again. If you have caught him red-handed in the past and see the same signs recurring again, you may want to confront him right away.
9. Change the subject and watch his reaction
The next time you think a guy is lying to you, just nod along and change the subject casually. Then watch his reaction closely. Does he seem confused or relieved? Think about it, if you’re in the midst of making up a story and the person you’re lying to suddenly changes the topic, wouldn’t you be relieved?
Wouldn’t you think “Yes, I think I just got away with all those lies”? That’s exactly what he’s thinking. If however he seems confused about the sudden change of topic, maybe he’s telling the truth afterall.
10. Trust your gut
When in doubt, follow your gut. It may be picking up on things so small that your mind hasn’t recognized them.
The truth is, you know him better than any of us. If you think something is off, something probably is. If you think he hasn’t been himself lately, or if you just don’t believe what he says, it’s time to stop and think. A lot of us choose to ignore our gut and the obvious signs just to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.
Sometimes, it comes down to your personal trust issues but if it’s not that, it’s time for confrontation. Granted, confrontation isn’t easy but isn’t that better than losing your mind and playing guessing games.
How to trust him after a lie?
Are you sure that your boyfriend lied to you, and you feel like you can no longer trust anything he says? Are you having a hard time forgiving him? Here’s how to trust your boyfriend after a lie.