No one goes into a new relationship thinking that breaking up is even a remote possibility. You’re super excited to have this great new person in your life. They’re funny, fun, cute, smart, and oh yeah, a pretty amazing kisser.
You and your hormones are on fire pretty much 24/7 and you just want to spend every single waking moment with them. Life is pretty perfect and it doesn’t seem like anything can interrupt the happiness and romance. Finally, you think, you’ve found love.
And then something happens. It’s a tiny crack in the surface of your relationship. You ignore it, thinking it’s going to go away, but it keeps coming back… and it keeps getting bigger. Soon you can’t believe what’s happened to you and your boyfriend. How did you get here?
Relationship problems are truly a normal part of any union. You may not think so, but it’s true. But you don’t have to let things fall apart entirely. You really can change things for the better.
Read on to find out how to solve relationship problems without breaking up.
1) Think about the big picture
Yes, you’re angry at your significant other because they cheated on you, or they thought about cheating, or they’ve been shutting you out emotionally for way too long. Or you’ve done the same thing and it’s your boyfriend who’s having the rough time.
Whatever your issue, you have to think about the big picture. You absolutely have to. If you focus on what’s right in front of you, you might miss out on having a long-term relationship, and if you two truly care about each other, that would be a real shame.
What’s more important: being right and being super stubborn, or staying together?
Exactly.
2) Blame both of you
Sure, people always say that you should never play the blame game when it comes to relationship problems. They claim that if you blame the other person, you’re just going to piss them off and hurt them even more than they already are.
But you should actually blame yourself… and your boyfriend, too.
If you can blame both of you for the position that you now find yourselves in, that’s going to help you work things out. That’s because you will be on an equal playing field. The truth is that if something has gone wrong, you both caused it.
If you were tempted to date someone else because your boyfriend’s not giving you enough attention or having enough serious and emotional conversations with you, you know that you should have talked to him about what was going on a long time ago. But he’s also to blame because he wasn’t there for you enough in the first place.
3) Have a new normal
Obviously, you want things to change so the two of you can continue to be in each other’s lives without going your separate ways. But in order to do that and solve your relationship problems without breaking up, you have to have a new normal.
Things won’t be the way that they were before, for better and for worse. There’s no way that they could be. You’ve both gone through something and your problems will change you, like any other experience in life.
If your new normal means committing to each other even more – moving in together, or moving apartments if you already live together, or making it a point to try new things as a couple – then that’s awesome news.
4) Talk to a professional if necessary
There’s honestly nothing wrong with seeking out some professional help. After all, it’s your relationship that’s on the line here. If you truly believe that you and your boyfriend are meant to be together and that this is just a small misstep on the journey toward happily ever after, then why not?
Talk to a therapist and figure out what went wrong in your relationship and how to make things better. Chances are, you will only be really glad that you did this, and you will get some tools and advice that are super useful. It will be totally worth the investment of your money and time.
5) Figure out the root cause
You can’t just kiss and make up when you’ve got a relationship problem. You can’t put a band-aid on the issue and promise to never do that ever again. And you can’t expect to just move on and pretend that nothing ever even happened.
Okay, you can technically do that… but you’ll end up in the exact same place that you are now. And that’s probably (no, that’s definitely) not what you want.
If you can figure out the root cause of your relationship problem, you will absolutely be able to solve it. Whether this is something that you or your boyfriend have to work on, you have to be both be willing to be better from now on and try harder.
6) Get some closure
You might want to move on as fast as you possibly can, but even though you and your BF are going to make things work, you still need some closure.
That might mean talking your problem over to death until the two of you are completely comfortable with moving forward. It might mean checking in more and really proving to each other that you’re working on solving the problem, even if all this talking seems like overkill.
If the problem is really deep and awful, you might even want to go on a beach vacation together so you can spend some quality time with each other and come back to a new phase of your life and relationship.
7) Recommit to each other
Chances are you’re both feeling pretty insecure right about now. Sure, you’ve both agreed to stay together and you know that your relationship is stronger for all the suffering that you’ve been through. But do you really feel confident that you can make it?
In order to solve your relationship problems without breaking up, you definitely need to recommit to each other. Whether this means a date night that is super romantic (and much more special than your usual hang out) or a promise that you are engaged to be engaged, you should recommit to each other in a way that feels right for you. This will make you feel much closer to each other and hopefully quiet any worries that you still have.
The thing is that the more the two of you act like a couple who is in love, the truer that will be. You just have to remember what you love about each other and how good you are together. It won’t be easy or fast but it will definitely be worth it.
8) Be more compassionate
When you first meet someone, you’re super compassionate toward them because that’s just the way that you’ve been raised. You know that everyone is fighting a hard battle, as they always say, and that you shouldn’t judge before you know the full story.
Unfortunately, the longer you date someone, the more you take them for granted. You forget how special they are, you don’t celebrate the little things that make your relationship great, and you get annoyed with them.
When you’re trying your very best to let love win and solve your relationship problems, then you need to be more compassionate toward your partner.
Give them some time and space to breathe and stop with the nagging and whining and complaining already. Who cares if they’re a bit slower at loading the dishwasher than you? Or if they’re super indecisive about what you should watch on Netflix after a long day at work? These things won’t matter in a year’s or even a month’s time.
9) Stop expecting things to be perfect
The final key to solving your relationship problems without breaking up? That would be stop expecting things to be perfect.
You already know that life and love aren’t perfect at all. That’s obvious enough by the fact that you and your boyfriend have gone through something difficult.
Allow him to be who he is, allow yourself some slack, and things should be better than ever before because your expectations will be more in line with actual reality.
No couple wants to go any difficult times, but unfortunately, they’re a part of life and they’re going to happen. But that’s really no reason to break up.
As long as you can truly commit to making it work, you can absolutely stay together. After all, love is what makes the world go round, and you don’t have to give that up just because things aren’t 100 perfect all the time.
Have you and your boyfriend ever struggled and yet stayed together in the end? Do you think problems can really be solved? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!
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