Why Are We Afraid To Date Guys Who Treat Us Well?

A common stereotype about women is that we love to date the “bad boys” and will always friend zone the good guy. The truth is, we want to date the good guys, but sometimes we’re just too scared to.

You may not be wrong to think that girls always want to date the bad boys, but you may not be wrong for the wrong reasons. In this day and age, it can be incredibly difficult for us to see which guys are the good guys and which ones are actually bad. There are so many guys who tend to act nice in order to get what they want. Maybe we can’t see it at first, but we do see it at some point.

There are so many guys who tend to act nice in order to get what they want. Maybe we can’t see it at first, but we do see it at some point.

It’s not that we are too naïve and will fall for any guy who gives us attention, it’s that the guys have gotten better at making us think they are something they’re not.

It gets to the point where we are convinced that we ARE dating a good guy. Only to get hurt in the end. Here is why girls are afraid to date guys who treat us well.

1. We don’t trust them

heartbroken couple

It can be hard for us to believe that there are genuinely nice men in this world. We have all had our fair share of awful relationships, relationships that tend to leave a lasting effect on us. Guys who are willing to treat us well seem too good to be true, and that’s something that can be terrifying.

We are so used to guys telling us anything they need to just to get into our pants that we assume that’s what every guy is going to do. We have walls around us that we’ve spent years building, so we’re not going to let just anyone try to take it down.

No amount of compliments is going to make us believe that a guy is nice just for the sake of being nice. In this generation, many men are nice to women in order for them to get something they want. Which is something we all do to some aspect, but not as much as we expect men to do it.

We have all dated that one guy we thought was going to be great, but turned out not to be. We feel like we’ve just been tricked. It hurts when a guy acts like he’s one thing to get you interested in him, but then shows his true colors when you’re involved.

2. We don’t know how to react to being treated well

We have become so accustomed to being treated poorly that we expect it now. We brace ourselves for the day that switch changes, so slightly you can miss it, and everything goes downhill. When that doesn’t happen, we don’t know what to do with ourselves.

We’re constantly waiting for the day where he becomes less interested. Most often, we have no idea what we did or why things placed out the way that they did. Ghosting is a thing that has become way too prominent in our generation.

It is something we have become accustomed to happening – good things (or things we thought were going to be good things) ending suddenly. We don’t know what to do when the ghosting doesn’t happen. A guy isn’t going to treat us badly and removed us from his life because he gets tired of us? It’s a new concept to us.

3. We don’t want to mess it up

sad woman and a man hugging her

Since we are used to things going wrong, we are not fazed by the occasional (or frequent, depending on your man-of-choice) blowout fight. We are used to guys making us feel like we’re crazy because they do things to make us upset.

We are used to getting blown off and treated more poorly than we should be. We’re used to having to have talks with guys about how we deserve to be treated better.

More often than not, women will try to find something wrong with a relationship if it seems too “perfect”. While we are finding things that are wrong, we tend to bring up petty things and create fights about them.

We may not actively realize that we are creating these arguments because things seem too good to be true, but we do realize it at some point. Usually when it’s too late. We have all had a good relationship end because we couldn’t believe something could be as good as it was.

We ruin things for ourselves by overthinking about everything. It’s funny how we want to be with good guys so badly, but we don’t know what to do when we have them.

4. We aren’t ready for the good guy

It seems like an awful thing to say, but it’s true. Sometimes we just aren’t ready for the type of relationship we would have with a genuinely nice guy. We know that the type of relationship we’d have with a nice guy would be the type that would last a long while, given that we don’t do something to mess it up.

I believe that everyone needs to have a time where they are in relationships that aren’t necessarily right just so they realize what they do and do not want out of a partner. Of course, there are people who meet “the one” in the beginning of the process of dating, but they are not as common as we’d like them to be. Commonly, we have to kiss a lot of frogs before we meet our prince, as my mother always said to me growing up.

There are also times where nice guys feel like they deserve something from us just because they’re nice. This is equally unattractive as the guy who’s treating you badly.

5. We don’t know who to trust

woman looking at a man

Relationships are never easy. Even the best relationship is going to come with their own kinds of complications. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There never will be, but it doesn’t mean that relationships can’t be perfect for you.

Many women out there are afraid to date good guys mostly just because it’s hard for us to believe that such guys really exist. In our generation, there are always options.

People aren’t happy with what they have because they’re constantly wondering about what else they could have. That’s what we’re afraid of. No one wants to be just an option, but it turns out that way often.

Our generation makes it hard for us to really tell who is going to be worth our time and who isn’t. It’s easy to pretend to be into someone just because you want something from that person. It makes it hard to trust anyone.

Who is going to hurt us? This is something we can never be completely sure of, and that’s the scariest part about love. We don’t know what’s going to happen.

Often times, we want to be with the good guy, but we just don’t know how to be. We think we’re going to be tricked or something bad is going to happen.

Even though it isn’t always going to happen, history does have a tendency to repeat itself. It’s not that we don’t want the nice guy. We do. It’s just that it’s becoming harder and harder to tell who really is one.

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About the author

Myranda Siegert

Hey, I'm Myranda. I'm an absolute hopeless romantic. I've always loved writing about subjects that will hit close to home, and make people really think more deeply about themselves. I show myself through my writing, as well as my photography.

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  • Thank you. Unfortunately I was the guy you described. My female best friends told me ‘they were afraid of being in a relationship with me would be scary, because they would always feel like the bad person in it.’ The one lady who took the chance ‘ended up breaking up with me, not for any problem she could find with our relationship together, but from fear that she couldn’t live up to my standards – even when I never asked for her to be anything but herself.’ She later married the wrong man, and wrote me to tell me she wrecked her life by making those two decisions.’ For the next few years ladies I was close to shared that ‘I was someone a girl would marry, not date’, and ‘that I was not dangerous enough’, ‘that they didn’t know how to handle someone who cared and was attentive to their wants & needs, even as a friend’, ‘dealing with a man who didn’t like to lie, still has never drank alcohol, or taken a drug, doesn’t play video games or watch p*rn, and can still become excited just looking in a lady’s eyes or holding her hand, made a couple feel uncomfortable being around me.’ … I wish I was still that man, but I gave up, allowing others to spread seeds of doubt into my heart… doubts that because I was a generous kind man, I would never find the romance I desperately wanted & needed… Then I finally gave up on finding love. The scars of trying left no virgin flesh un-seared, and the morals I had lived my life by are attacked by todays woman as antiquated church purity and not pragmatic enough – too Pollyanna. Reading your article better explained why I was turned down, when women could not explain it then when I needed it in hopes of recovery. Hopefully it will help another young man who is still able to recover and go on.