“How to Get Your Man to Commit,” “What You Can Do to Win Your Man,” “How to Keep Your Man Interested,” “14 Tips for Makeup that Will Drive Your Man Crazy,” etc., etc., etc.
They’re everywhere: daily posts and articles that give women advice on getting and keeping a man. There don’t seem to be many articles with the same titles for men (well, except the makeup one, perhaps). Why is this?
It seems that we are still living with the leftovers from earlier times when it was all about the woman’s job to hold onto her man with strategies and tricks that would keep him in her life longer, maybe permanently.
We really need to get over this. Relationships are mutual, and they need to be based on honesty and equality. There is something just grossly unequal when women have to resort to ‘strategies’ to make a relationship survive, and men need only be there, enjoying the ride.
Men, in fact, have the better perspective on this whole dating thing. So, here are the things that gals need to do to adopt the same perspective that guys have.
1. Dating is about having fun, not strategizing
Gals take dating far more seriously than guys. They agonize over what to wear, what to say and how to avoid gaffs and mishaps. Guys just go with the flow, enjoy themselves and come back for a repeat performance if they had a good time.
The act of dating should not be a serious one—keep it light, and stop ruminating on rejection or no call back. Just move on.
2. You come first
No guy would cancel a night out with his buddies for you. Why are you doing it? This smacks of insecurity, as does waiting for him to call. You had a good time and you hope he did to.
But, you have a lot more on your plate them him. Focus on those things. Never cancel plans you have for a date with him. He wouldn’t do that for you.
3. Stop compromising who you are
Are you a cotton underwear sort of person? If so, why are you going to that lingerie store to find something silky and sexy in anticipation of a date entering more intimate events? Do you think he is shopping right now for sexy underwear to impress you? Hardly.
You have your own values, beliefs, principles, lifestyle, hobbies, and passions. They are what make you who you are. No guy would ever compromise those things for you. You must not either. They take you as you are or they can move on.
4. Learn to be comfortable alone with yourself
Needing a relationship at all times means you need a major adjustment. What do guys do between relationships? They go out with their buddies; they go to the gym; they even stay at home with Netflix and their dogs, pizza and beer; they don’t pine away, wishing that they had a new relationship or a date.
Read more, paint that piece of furniture and watch movies that are sitting in your “recorded” file. Getting comfortable being alone with yourself is not the same as being lonely. Guys get this; many gals do not.
5. Don’t drop everything else
You had a life before this guy came along—it was a nice life. You got together with friends, took that painting class, volunteered at the community center and built sets for that little theater group.
Do not, under any circumstances, give up those things for the chance that you might have more dates with him. He’s not doing that for you. Stop being so available—he isn’t. And remember: your friends will always be there for you; he may not.
6. Guys don’t have timelines—you shouldn’t either
Your biological clock may be ticking, but that should not determine your dating behavior. It doesn’t determine guys’. They date, keep it light and ultimately (or not) find someone they want to be permanently.
Jumping into a relationship with marriage and children in mind is a potential disaster and a recipe for a failed marriage.
7. Don’t “date down”
So what if you are not the hottest gal in the room? Is there a hot guy who caught your interest? Make the move. What is the worst that could happen?
Rejection? Oh, well. It was worth a try. That is the attitude that guys have, and you should, too. Don’t settle for less than you want.
8. Don’t self-blame
When a guy calls a gal for a second date and she is ‘unavailable,’ he may try one more time. If that fails, he moves on. Obviously, she isn’t interested. He doesn’t ruminate over what may have gone wrong, what mistakes he may have made, and on and on.
Gals tend to lose sleep when a guy doesn’t call for another date, and they want to blame themselves—they must have done something wrong. No, you didn’t.
He could be dating several gals and you are not high on his list; maybe he hooked back up with his ex; maybe there just wasn’t any chemistry. These things have nothing to do with you. Having a ‘guy attitude’ means that you go out with your friends, have a beer or wine and sleep well.
Won’t life be much more pleasant if we focus on ourselves, what we want, our interests and all of the options we have for fun? Won’t it be more pleasant if we don’t have to wear that uncomfortable underwear? Be who you are—they can take you or leave you. That’s dating like a guy!
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