Relationships

6 Tips To Help You Deal With His Controlling Mom

You can choose your boyfriend, but not his mother. Life would be so much easier if you could, but since that's not the case, you should learn the art of dealing with his mom.

When you entered into a relationship with your boyfriend, you also made yourself open to establishing a relationship with his family.

If he has a close relationship with his mom, chances are he's going to introduce you to her as soon as possible. When that happens, you're in for either a treat or a challenge.

If his mom likes you and doesn't see you as a threat to her relationship with her son, you can rejoice. You won't have problems dealing with her.

However, if it's the other way around, you’re in for one of the toughest challenges in your life.

We know that you can handle everything that life throws at you, but in case you need some help and guidance in dealing with his overprotective and overbearing mom, here are six tips to help you win his mom's hard-to-earn trust and affection.

1. Understand where she is coming from

Son Giving Senior Parent Financial Advice In Home Office

As the famous quote says: seek first to understand then to be understood. Before you feel that you're being attacked by his mom, try putting yourself in her shoes.

Ask yourself why she feels the way she does. You obviously did not do anything wrong, yet you still feel like you're stepping into unwelcome territory.

Your boyfriend's mother may see you as a potential threat for her son's affection, which is why she acts the way she does.

Because of her fear, she's blinded by her feelings that cause her to treat you in a way that you don't think you deserve. She tries to get between you and your boyfriend because she doesn't want to lose her role in her son's life.

Once you've learned to look at the bigger picture, you'll be more patient and understanding when dealing with her. More importantly, you can show her how she's irreplaceable in his life even with you beside him.

2. Remember that she loves him just as much as you do

She may even love him more than you. After all, she bore him and endured the pain and challenges of raising him. So, when you feel that his mother is going overboard, know that it's just her motherly instinct coming forth.

Do not judge her or feel that she's doing it intentionally to annoy you or make you feel left out. You will understand this better when you become a mother, too.

3. Take a cue from your boyfriend's reaction

Couple At Home On Sofa In Lounge Using Digital Devices

If your boyfriend seems to love all the attention he's getting and loves being treated as if he's still a baby, you should consider whether or not you can stand such a situation.

If he's a mama's boy, you're in for tougher challenges than you think. If you love your boyfriend so much that you're willing to give your relationship a shot despite the conflicts you may face, go ahead and pursue the relationship.

However, if it seems that he feels awkward and almost ashamed of how his mom acts in front of you, without totally shutting his mom out, it's a sign that you won't have that hard a time dealing with her.

You can be assured that he won't be on his mom's side or he won't take a side at all if disagreements arise. He will understand where you stand, and will shield you from his mom in the event that the situation gets worse.

Just keep in mind to always be respectful to his mother and be patient no matter how bad things get. It may not make sense at this time, but you'll understand it when it happens.

4. Be assertive

You may be tempted to just let your boyfriend's controlling mom have her way, and run your relationship as she wants just to keep the peace, but doing so will only make the situation worse.

If ever you do have a confrontation with her, be sure to assert yourself and let your voice be heard—just don't overdo it to the point of disrespecting her.

5. Establish boundaries

Husband and wife quarrelling indoors

Set your boundaries so that your life won't be hell on earth while your boyfriend's mom tries to get between the two of you. You can do this by setting rules on how to respond to her when she becomes overbearing.

For example, you can excuse yourself from the conversation when she starts muttering offensive or rude comments. It will not be easy, but stooping to her level won't help you win or get your boyfriend's approval.

6. Focus on your relationship with your boyfriend

While your relationship with your boyfriend's mom is also important, you should remember to put your focus on your boyfriend. He's the one you're with and will potentially be with for the rest of your life.

Continue catering to your boyfriend's needs, and be the best girlfriend you possibly can so that he can see how much you're in it for him.

He will appreciate you and everything you do for him, making your bond with one another stronger than ever.

When you've reached such a deep level of intimacy with him, no matter what his controlling mom may say about you and your relationship, he'll know better because you’ve proven yourself to him over time.

He has seen how much you love him and how genuine you are. He can attest to his mom how beautiful a person you are and whether his mom believes and accepts that or not, it won't be your problem anymore.

7. What matters most is that your relationship remains intact

Your boyfriend's mom may or may not change her behavior even if you apply all of these tips. No matter what the outcome is, accept that you can't make people change.

The best you can do is deal with them as lovingly as possible.

If you've sat down with your boyfriend already and asked him to talk to his mom about her controlling behavior, but there's no sign of improvement, be at peace with the fact that you’ve done your best already.

After all, if your boyfriend has stood by your side through it all, that must mean something. Hopefully, in time, his mom will also see what he sees in you that has made him stick with you through thick and thin.

Is your boyfriend's mother controlling? How did you deal with it? Do you have any other suggestions about how to deal with the overbearing mother of your significant other? Share your thoughts in the comments.

About the author

Maine Belonio

Maine Belonio is a twenty-something mom and writer who has a penchant for coffee, long distance running, Tolkien, Switchfoot, and Jesus.

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