The moment that you and your new guy make things official is one of the most exciting ever. You are so over the moon nuts about this new person in your life that you can’t even handle all of the emotions coursing through you. You can’t wait to show him off and introduce him to everyone that you know, including your closest friends and family.
The moment that your new boyfriend meets your parents is also exciting, but it also brings with a whole host of emotions. It can be nerve-wracking for both of you and for your mom and dad, too. But… what happens when it doesn’t go well, when your parents don’t love him as much as you thought that they would, and when they actually tell you that they don’t like him at all?
If your parents hate your boyfriend, here are five things that you can do. Don’t worry – it might seem like a super frustrating and difficult situation, but you can totally get through this.
1.) Ask them to be honest about why
When you find out that your parents hate your boyfriend, your first instinct is, most likely, to get really annoyed, upset, and mad at them. You want to ask how they can possibly say this stuff to you and you might even want to stop talking to them for a few days (or even a few weeks). Even though that’s how you really want to act, it’s not the best idea right now.
Instead, go ahead and ask your parents to be honest about why they’re telling you that they’re not a big fan (or even a fan at all) of your boyfriend.
They probably have a good reason for saying this to you. Maybe they think that he reminds them of someone that you used to date and that guy wasn’t good for you, so they’re worried that a similar situation (and a bad break-up) is going to happen again. Maybe they’re not sure that he has a good work ethic or that he’s close with his family, and those are values that are really important to them.
The best thing that you can do in this situation is to listen carefully to what your mom and dad have to say. You have to be open to their opinions and not get angry or refuse to hear them. At the very least, they’ll be happy and impressed that you’re willing to talk to them about this and be such a good listener. You’ll show a level of maturity that they might not be expecting in this type of situation.
2.) Think about whether they have any good points
Just because your parents say that they hate your boyfriend doesn’t mean that they’re right about him… and it doesn’t mean that they’re wrong, either.
What if what they say has some merit to it? What if he really doesn’t have a great work ethic or he’s fighting with his parents over something silly and insignificant that shouldn’t really be messing up their relationship?
It can be tough to remember, but you can think that a new relationship is super great and all rainbows and butterflies and the people close to you can see the real story of what is actually going on. It’s always hard for you to see what is right in front of you. This is definitely why you wonder why your friends or relatives can’t figure out a problem that they’re having when it seems so clear to you what decision they should be making.
It’s totally possible that your parents are wrong and he’s a great partner for you, so you don’t have to think that just because your mom and dad hate your boyfriend, that means that they’re automatically right. But going through this mental exercise is still a good idea.
3.) Tell them that they have to accept him if they love you
If you’re super sure about this guy and know that he’s an amazing boyfriend (or at least he will be once you two become more serious and spend more time together), then it’s time to be honest with your parents.
When your parents hate your boyfriend, this is one thing that you can do: tell them that they have to accept him if they love you.
No parent wants to lose touch with their child and have a huge fight going on that ruins the family. Chances are, your parents aren’t going to want to stop speaking to you just because they have some reservations or feelings about your new boyfriend.
If you’re honest that they’re upsetting you and that you really like him and you think that everyone should just try to get along, it’s very possible that they’ll listen and agree.
4.) Plan some small gatherings so they can get to know him better
It’s definitely time to let your new boyfriend and parents get to know each other so they can have a good, positive relationship. It’s also a good idea to remember that this most likely isn’t going to happen overnight.
Plan some smaller gatherings so they can get to know each other better but make sure that your motto is totally “slow and steady wins the race.”
Have some dinner plans and weekend brunches and eventually, it’s more likely than not that they will all start getting along really well. The more time that your parents spend with your boyfriend, the more they will like him and understand why you’re dating him. Remember that after the first few times that you all hang out and they tell you that they’re still not super sure about him.
5.) Give them the benefit of the doubt (and some time)
It’s tempting to think that your parents are being totally unfair and unreasonable if they tell you that they hate your boyfriend. Sure, you’re going to feel that way for a little while, but you know that’s not the best way to proceed.
Give your parents the benefit of the doubt and also give them some time.
Remember that they love you and they want the best for you. That’s the only reason why they’re worried about you and your new boyfriend. Maybe they just need to get used to you being in a relationship again. Maybe you were so heartbroken over your last relationship ending that they just want to make sure that doesn’t happen again (and can you really blame them if that’s the case?).
It might take a little bit of time, but if you and your boyfriend are truly good together and meant to be together, then your parents will absolutely realize that. And then you can all put that behind you and look toward happier times.
It won’t be fun to hear that your parents hate your boyfriend. There’s no reason to worry, though: with these five things to do, you’ll be able to figure out whether they’ve got good instincts or they’re just worried about you and will eventually be okay with your new relationship.
After all, your parents will always love you and want the best for you. This might be a tough spot in your relationship with them (and your relationship with your new guy, too) but it’s totally possible that you will all get through this.