Your past relationships have not worked out, and you are done with one night stands and hookups. Now, you have found a person who you really like and you may even think that they are the one for you.
However, as you both continue to get to know each other through discussing certain topics, and are learning more from deep conversations some topics are bound to come up which may cause some waves in the smooth waters.
You should be ready to answer these questions the right way which will make your relationship even stronger but will also allow you both to discuss freely and openly.
Talking about past relationships with your current partner in your new relationship can be either very easy or very difficult. Ultimately, before you do this it is important to look at an array of things to help you decide if it is even worth delving into your romantic past.
Before opening this can of worms read on to learn if you should be talking about past relationships with your partner, and what is the best way to talk about this as well.
Why you should talk about past relationships
If you chose to take the route of talking about past relationships you should be aware of the risks (which are discussed below). However, there are also many benefits to this.
By talking about your past relationships with your current partner you are opening up communication channels. By doing this you are creating a connection, bond, and place of honesty and possibly vulnerability.
This is all good, even though it might be scary, alarming, stressful, worrisome, or nerve wracking, it is actually good.
When you tell your partner about your past relationships it is important to be honest, open, and neutral about it. However, as much as you need to be honest, you also need to keep in mind that you should not go into every detail of every aspect of your previous relationship.
Even though your partner and you have agreed to discuss your past relationships, it doesn’t mean they want to hear about your sex life and every single thing that had happened.
What you should do is just to give a summary of the pros and cons of the relationship. Mention how it was good at times, but also then add what ruined the relationship and go into detail about that too.
There is a fine line for this, you must be honest and open, but you also must keep some stuff more reserved and tucked away for simplicity.
Additionally, another benefit to talking about past relationships is the fact that you get to discuss what you didn’t like which will hint to your new partner about things to not do.
People may view this as a bad idea because it means you are suggesting your partner should change, or hide parts of them. However, it really isn’t bad because you are just mentioning what went wrong in the past, how it made you feel, and what happened as a result of it.
Your partner won’t change because of this, it just means they will have some guidelines of things that drive you nuts and have ruined previous relationships.
This will be a guide for them as it will aid the both of you in your new relationship and it will hopefully have a better end result than the past.
Why you should not talk about past relationships
Despite talking about past relationships can be benefitial, there are some issues with it which can be quite bad.
Before even talking about this with your partner, consider their personality. If they are very sensitive, judgmental, critical, possessive, or jealous, then you may want to consider not telling them.
After all, if they have these traits, your relationship may fall apart before it even really starts.
If your partner has any of those traits, he can become jealous, insecure, angry, sad, or just criticize because of what you have told them.
Additionally, they may be bothered by the fact that you have been with others, and that you have done certain things with other people.
No matter of it being sex, working out together, hiking, mini golf, travel, concerts, or anything, they will have a wave of emotions about it and it will bother them.
This can be troublesome, so it is up to you to decide if talking about past relationships is an actually right thing for your relationship.
What is your number?
Lastly, when talking about your past relationships you should not be ashamed of what your number is. However, keep in mind, there are different numbers people have.
When your partner asks what your number is, they could be referring to the number of people you have had sex with, the number of people you have dated, or the number of people you have married.
Either way, make sure you answer honestly as it is nothing to be ashamed of.
Despite there being a common stigma that the more numbers a man has, the more desirable he is, or that the more numbers a woman has, the less desirable she is, you should not be ashamed by your number no matter how high or low it is.
These ideas about people’s numbers are not true. It is something that has happened in the past, and sex is a natural and normal part of life.
Meaning you should tell your partner your honest number, and if they react poorly to it, then they are someone who you should not be with.
After all, if they do not like your number and create a big issue about it, it means they are too immature, unrealistic, and too possessive.
This could create problems down the road because knowing your number would bother them.
How to discuss this
The best way to talk about past relationships is to both agree that you should be open, honest, realistic, and not judgmental. You should also both discuss how it is a thing of the past and does not change anything in your current relationship.
Additionally, you should both remind yourselves that it is the past, you have both changed and you are who you are now. You should not be offended or hurt by any of what you discuss.
Additionally, you should both agree that although you want an honest answer, you also don’t need to hear every detail about previous relationships.
Talking about past relationships with your partner can be great, but it can also create a sour perspective for your partner. In the end, it is up to you to choose if telling them about your past relationships or not talking about it at all is the best route for you.
Either way, it should not stand between you and your partner’s relationship as it should not hold such a massive influence over it.
If you can think of any other benefits, or disadvantages to talking about your past relationships with your partner, or any methods on how to do so, feel free to share!