How To Pick Yourself Up After A Breakup (Yet Again)

It’s common to feel disappointed in a relationship, especially when you set high expectations. Here's how to pick yourself up after a breakup and move on.

When you experience disappointment after disappointment in your relationship, it can be tempting to shut yourself away and give up on love.

You should know that not every relationship will work out. But these are still experiences that you can learn from, so you shouldn’t always see it as a bad thing.

You put in so much effort into your relationships and it feels like you’re not getting anything back. It makes you question everything you thought about love.

Is it all giving and taking? No – relationships are a two-way street. If you are constantly feeling disappointed, then take it as a sign that the relationship probably isn’t right for you.

However, a few bad experiences shouldn’t stop you from wanting to find love. There’s someone out there who will meet your expectations, instead of always letting you down.

Here’s how to pick yourself up after a breakup and another relationship disappointment.

Recognize what you want

how to pick yourself up after a breakup

Before you enter a relationship, make sure you know what you want out of it. Are you looking for a casual relationship or something serious? Identifying what you want now will prevent future disappointment.

If you’re unclear about what you’re looking for, then perhaps you need to go on a few dates. As you begin to socialize with all kinds of people, you will start to recognize the qualities you look for in a person and the specific things to avoid.

Also, by meeting more people, you won’t feel as if you are settling when you do meet someone who stands out above the rest.

It’s unlikely that you will meet the love of your life on a first date, so don’t expect instant sparks and fireworks as this will only lead to disappointment.

However, the more people you meet, the more likely you will have a better understanding of what you look for in a partner.

Don’t blame yourself

It’s so easy to blame yourself for things that are out of your control, but you can’t change the way you are feeling. When you’re feeling down after another relationship disappointment, do something kind for yourself.

Treat yourself to something that you’ve always wanted. Take a long, relaxing bath and clear your head of all your worries. Release all those feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, fear – let it all go instead of bottling it up.

Be willing to compromise in the future

how to pick yourself up after a breakup

Although you shouldn’t lower your standards, you should consider shortening your list of expectations. Some traits and qualities are essential, but others you can certainly let go of.

Relationships are all about giving and take, which means that sometimes you have to compromise. However, that doesn’t include changing who you are to benefit someone else.

Somebody who loves you would never expect you to change for them, and you shouldn’t expect them to change either. You have to accept them for who they are – including their flaws.

If that’s something you can’t see the past, then be prepared for a huge disappointment.

You should never stay in a relationship just to try and make things work. No matter how much you think you can change someone and adapt them to the type of partner you’re looking for, it’s not realistic and you’re only hurting yourself in the process. There’s never a good reason to stay in an unhappy relationship.

Communicate your needs

If you struggle with communicating your needs to others, then that’s something that you really need to work on. Your partner can’t always read your mind, so don’t expect them to know everything.

When you have needs that go unfulfilled, disappointment settles in your stomach and you start feeling resentful. Bottling up feelings is the worst thing you can do. Instead of blaming your partner for not realizing what you want, start opening up to them.

Ultimately, you want more from them. And they aren’t giving you what you need. If you want a healthy relationship, then you have to make your needs known. Be specific about how you are feeling and what you expect from the relationship, as this is the only way you can expect things to progress.

Of course, communicating your needs doesn’t mean they will be met. However, if it’s a healthy relationship, your partner will be willing to compromise if it means making you happy.

If he’s not willing to meet your needs, that’s a red flag. You should never sacrifice your happiness for someone who isn’t giving you anything in return.

How to pick yourself up after a breakup? Do not settle

how to pick yourself up after a breakup

If the only reason you’re staying in the relationship is because you hate the idea of finding someone new and starting again, then you are settling. You’ve grown comfortable with this person, so instead of ending the relationship, you decide to keep trying to make it work.

You will never truly be happy in your relationship if you don’t have strong feelings for them. There has to be a spark or some kind of initial attraction, and if it’s not there, it’s not likely to grow over time.

Questioning your happiness is a sign that you don’t want to continue the relationship. And if things don’t feel right, you know that it’s best to walk away sooner than later.

Walk away for good

Don’t blame yourself for the relationship not working out. If you’re constantly feeling let down or disappointed, that’s a good enough reason to leave. So instead of thinking of reasons to stay, consider the reasons why you should walk away.

You know in your heart if it’s going to work out or if it’s a relationship that’s going nowhere. If something feels off, don’t ever ignore it. Listen to that voice – it’s guiding you in the right direction.

Keep your friends close

how to pick yourself up after a breakup

When a relationship is making you feel unappreciated and disappointed, you turn to your friends for support.

It’s important that you don’t push your friends away to focus on a relationship that might not even work out. Breakups are difficult as it is but when you also lose your close friends as a result of this, it’s going to be that much harder to deal with.

If you still have good friends in your life, make sure that they aren’t going anywhere. They are the ones who are always there to pick you up and make you feel loved, no matter what.

They are the ones who keep your spirits up when you’re going through hard times. You are always going to need them – especially when your other relationships are struggling.

Look ahead to the future

Make the decision to look forward instead of looking back at everything that went wrong. Sure, things might not be going well for you right now, but that doesn’t mean your future isn’t full of amazing opportunities.

Relationship disappointments can leave you feeling discouraged, but it shouldn’t stop you from feeling hopeful about your future.

About the author

Coralle Panrucker

Coralle is a freelance writer and blogger who talks about various topics from relationships, love, health and freelance writing. She's currently writing a book.

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