How To Start Having Realistic Relationship Expectations

If your expectations are too high, it makes it much harder to find ‘the one’. Read on to find out how to start having realistic relationship expectations.

Managing your expectations is the key to being happy in a relationship. It’s important to set realistic expectations to avoid disappointment.

You might feel like you’re in control in other aspects of your life but when you’re in a relationship, you have to consider the other person at all times.

Remember that they also have certain expectations, and when neither of you meets these expectations, it can cause problems.

However, if you want a relationship to last, you have to let go of these unrealistic expectations and learn to be happy with what you do have.

It starts with you changing your perspective and knowing exactly what it is that you want out of a relationship and a potential boyfriend.

If you’re unsure of what you want, then you need to figure it out first.

Here’s how to have more realistic relationship expectations in the future.

Accept his flaws if you really care about him

couple in love

When you’re in love with someone, accepting all of their flaws comes naturally. You need to shake off this idea of ‘perfection’ and recognize that as humans we have irritating tendencies.

Sure, there will be times when those annoying habits really start to drive you crazy. And the more time you spend together, the more their flaws will stand out.

But you shouldn’t let that scare you away. The deeper you fall in love with him, the more you will grow to love their flaws, and maybe it will be something that pulls you in instead of drives you away.

Stop comparing him to others

When you start comparing your new guy to people you’ve dated in the past, it’s going to create unrealistic expectations that won’t be met. In your head, you have this ideal man with certain qualities and a certain image – but it’s not reality.

If you look for your ex in every potential boyfriend, you will never be satisfied in a relationship. They can’t live up to that expectation, and you certainly shouldn’t expect them to be someone they’re not.

With every new boyfriend, there is potential there. Don’t jeopardize something special for a man who isn’t even in your life anymore. You need to let go of people from the past, and start giving new potential boyfriends a chance. That’s how you move forward.

You must have more realistic relationship expectations

beautiful couple in love

At the start of the relationship, your boyfriend will probably be doing things to impress you. He’ll buy you flowers, take you out for dinner, and make romantic gestures to let you know that he’s interested.

When you become comfortable with each other, he’ll stop doing these things as often. Not everyone is romantic, and you have to consider that there are other ways for him to show you that he cares.

Maybe he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t always know what to say and when to say it. But you can’t expect him to be a mind reader either, so if there’s something that’s bothering you, just be open about it. If he loves you it shouldn’t be a huge problem.

Take things slow and don’t pressure him

You really don’t want to rush into a relationship and end up feeling unhappy and unsatisfied. Ask yourself, do you really like him or do you just want to be in a relationship?

If it’s the latter, then you’re settling. Don’t wait for a spark to grow, cause if it’s not there, in the beginning, it’s not likely to develop.

However, if you do realize that you do really like this guy, then it’s best to take things slow. Don’t feel like you have to do anything you’re not ready for. Saying “I love you” too soon can potentially ruin the relationship before it has even started.

For some people, those words don’t come easy and it can be a few months before they have the courage to say it. It’s important to be patient at this stage. You don’t want them saying something they don’t truly believe. If you don’t rush into anything, it takes the pressure off a new relationship.

Shorten your list of requirements

There are certain qualities that you need in a potential boyfriend. You look for someone who is caring, consideration and communicative – these are all important traits.

But when your list of ‘must-haves’ is far too long, then you need to reevaluate.

Playing it too safe will stop you from getting hurt, but it also stops you from experiencing what could be a great relationship.

Are you willing to overlook a few things or are they deal-breakers for you?

Recognizing what is essential and what isn’t necessary will help make things clearer for you when discovering potential boyfriends.

Accept that you have differences

couple holding hands

Do opposites attract or will your differences cause problems for your relationship? That’s something only you can find out.

Maybe your boyfriend likes a lot of space, but you want more of his attention. Or maybe you just have different interests. The only way you can both be happy is if you’re willing to compromise.

By expecting him to spend all of his time with you is an unrealistic expectation that could damage your relationship.

He has other important people in his life, and he can’t always drop everything just to be with you, even if he really wants to.

You need to be able to respect this and give him some space when he feels like it’s necessary.

Having time apart and spending time with other people can only strengthen your relationship. You don’t need to see each other all the time to know that they are there.

Spend less time on social media

It’s so easy to get caught up in other relationships on social media and compare it to your own. Couples can portray themselves in whatever way they want to through social media.

Even if they are experiencing problems, you won’t necessarily see that part of their relationship.

Many couples cover up their issues by posting pictures of date nights or engagements. You only see the good side to the relationship, not the fighting or the disagreements.

Social media can be unrealistic and untruthful at times, so don’t start worrying that your relationship isn’t as good as somebody else’s.

Let go of these high expectations and put your time and effort into your own relationship. Sure, it’s not perfect, but no relationship is.

Accept that it won’t be easy

couple hugging each other

No matter how much you love each other, it’s never going to be easy. Maybe you’ve been watching too many romantic comedies with happy endings – that’s not real life.

There will always be problems, but it matters more how you deal with them. And if you’re willing to accept your partner for who he is.

The truth is there will be times when you will consider whether this guy is right for you and it will make you question whether the relationship is really going anywhere.

It’s important to be honest in your relationship and make your intentions clear from the beginning.

Knowing whether you or your potential boyfriend is looking for something casual or serious can save you a lot of heartbreak.

Losing these unrealistic expectations you have in your head will ensure that your relationships will be healthier and stronger in the long run.

About the author

Coralle Panrucker

Coralle is a freelance writer and blogger who talks about various topics from relationships, love, health and freelance writing. She's currently writing a book.

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