Has he suddenly stopped calling you? It’s happened to me. It’s happened to my roommate. It’s happened to my little sisters. And, it has probably happened to you, too. Ghosting is something that has been around for as long as people have been dating. It wasn’t until recently, though, that there was actually a word attached to the action.
Although the term ‘ghosting’ has yet to hit the Oxford Dictionary, Urban Dictionary coins the term as such:
Ghosting: The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave them alone/move on.
In other words, ghosting is basically just the halting of communication when someone doesn’t have to date the other person anymore but wants to avoid that awkward breakup discussion. In other words, they’re too cowardly and immature to deal with a confrontation of any kind.
Ghosting is for spineless and slimy people who have no regards for anyone else’s feelings and only care about their own well-being. As you can tell, ghosting is not a good thing.
He'll give his heart to the first woman who does this...
While both genders are guilty of committing this (figurative) crime, men seem to be the leaders of the offense. Now, not everybody cuts off communication all at once.
In fact, there are different ways you can be ghosted, and people generally stick to the same routine. Here are the different types of ghosters, and how you can avoid them altogether.
1. The cold turkey
This one is exactly as it sounds. They stop communication with you cold turkey. They ignore every phone call, text, Facebook message, Instagram comment and more. In fact, those who cold-turkey ghost you probably delete you from all social media platforms altogether, and may even block you so you can’t talk to them at all.
These types of ghosters have a tendency to do this without any warning signs, making it the hardest kind to avoid. They’re the ones who seem to be perfect until suddenly you never hear from them again. This type also hurts the most.
2. The fade-away
This particular style of ghosting is probably the most common, and easier to catch than the rest. These people will slowly try to ease out of your life. They will respond less and less to your texts and miss more of your calls.
Although it’s easier to spot, it’s much harder to accept. We may think that they’re just busy or stressed or really any other excuse that we can makeup—anything to avoid admitting that they just might be a fade-away ghoster.
3. The booty-caller
Ah, yes. The most annoying of the types of ghosters you should be avoiding. This kind is a ghost all day, and only texts you late at night or on the weekends when they need somebody to hang out with when they’re bored.
The booty-callers rarely keep tabs on you during the day and even during the week, but the second Friday even comes around, they’ll be hitting up your phone for the weekend, only to disappear the minute Monday is there. This type is really easy to spot and not so hard to leave.
4. The convenience-driven
This ghoster gets its name because they only talk to you when they find it convenient. They have no desire to respond to your texts or pick up the phone unless they need something from you.
Are you a bartender who only hears from them when they want free drinks? Do you get a great discount at work and they’re only talking to you to get them these discounts too?
If they’re never there when you need them but have a tendency to pop up if they need something from you, they are definitely a convenience-driven ghoster.
5. The excuse-maker
Someone who is an excuse-making ghoster only talks to you when you call them out for being absent. They don’t really have the desire to talk to you but respond when you start questioning their behavior.
Instead of admitting that they’re trying to ghost you, they make excuses as to why they’ve been flaky lately: working a lot, stress, busy, etc. They do this in order to keep the line of communication open in case they want to date you, but they don’t really care about you.
He suddenly stopped calling? Avoiding ghosting altogether
Although each of these types of ghosters has their own way of successfully easing their way out of someone’s life, you don’t have to let them do this to you. Here’s how to avoid the dreaded ghosting.
1. Watch for warning signs
Most of the types of ghosters have warning signs before they ghost you. If they’re acting a little weird, not being as flirtatious anymore or even picking arguments with you, those are all signs they might be about to ghost you. The only type that shows little to no signs is the cold-turkey ghoster.
2. Call them out when they’re distant
If you notice that they’ve been particularly distant, standoffish or have been behaving strangely, call them out on it. Even if you’re not technically in a relationship and you don’t want to be ‘that person,’ but in order to avoid being ghosted, just ask them if something is wrong.
It could start an argument, or it could prompt them to be honest with you. Either way, you’ll find out what’s going on.
3. Set standards from the start
Just straight up tell them, from the first date, that you prefer honesty over everything else. Use the example that if someone wasn’t into you, you’d prefer that they just said so instead of pretending or completely cutting off all communication. You can even use the word ‘ghosting’ if you really want to drive the point home.
Ghosting is a childish act that many people do in order to avoid awkwardness. Little do they know that they’re probably doing more harm to themselves than the person being ghosted. Keep an eye out for these types of ghosters, and avoid them at all costs.