4 Tips on How to Slow Down a Relationship

A new romance is always thrilling and exciting and most of the times it can develop into a beautiful relationship. However, it often happens that for some reason or another, we feel that we are moving way too fast – we are either not ready for a long term commitment, or our relationship has become too demanding. At that moment we desperately need to step back, catch our breath, and start a slower dating pace. Read further to discover some important tips on slowing down a relationship, without losing or hurting your partner.

#1 Analyze Your Feelings and Determine Why You Want to Slow Down

The first step to having a satisfying relationship is being mature, honest and capable of understanding yourself and your feelings. Only then, you will be able to lead a life you desire, without hurting people around you.

Don’t be frightened to be honest, and don’t let too much time pass before starting to change what you don’t like. Determine immediately why you want to slow down your relationship. Perhaps you don’t feel attracted to him as much as before, or you’ve discovered that you are not compatible at all. Or perhaps you think that he is too clingy and that he doesn’t respect you as much as he should! Or is it you? Are you too scared of letting yourself go?

Whatever the reason may be, don’t prolong your decision to take a slower approach – find strength to do it and do not think about sparing his feelings. Be as honest as you can. That’s respect. And besides, there’s absolutely nothing wrong in slowing down a relationship.

#2 Set a Few Clear and Healthy Boundaries

Don’t spend all of your time with him. This is not important just for slowing down a relationship, but also for maintaining your integrity. Even if you live with someone, you should never forget to maintain your privacy, see your friends and lead your own life, besides the one that you have with your partner.

Never forget to always respect your personal needs and desires.

Following the above mentioned advices and establishing a few relationship boundaries, can be of great help in slowing down your dating routine.

Here are a few suggestions on how to do it:

  • Slow down your dating pace
    Determine how many times a week you want to see him and establish a few date nights. You can always make up a good reason for not seeing him everyday, which may involve work, studying, or other. It won’t be rude and he should find it normal that you need to dedicate yourself to certain tasks.
    Make your dates shorter. Once in a while, think of an excuse to leave earlier, and start seeing him more during daytime, rather than in the evening. Daytime hours are usually very busy and you can easily say that you don’t have much time and that you can’t stay with him too long.
    All this will give you a lot more space and time to think over your relationship and decide what you want to do.
  • Avoid staying alone with him
    Spend your date nights going out in public places and meeting with other couples and friends. This will create a much lighter atmosphere around you and make your relationship seem less serious and involving.
    Whenever it’s possible don’t allow him to pick you up, and make sure to meet up somewhere outside.
  • Stop calling him as much as before
    Tell him that you are too busy working or studying, or dealing with other important and urgent tasks. Do it by gradually limiting your calls and text messages to a few a day, or even a few a week! This will help a lot in slowing down the relationship.

#3 Don’t Hurt Him, but Stick to Your Decision

young couple having a serious talk

Once you’ve determined that you want to slow down your relationship, don’t let ambiguity stand in your way and don’t second guess yourself. Stick with your decision. If you don’t do so, you will only hurt him.

Sending mixed signals would not be fair at all, as it could make the situation just more confusing and hurt his feelings. Playing with someone’s emotions is dangerous, disrespectful and extremely selfish.

#4 Talk to Him

young man and woman standing and talking in working environment

If your partner notices changes in your attitude and understands that you are trying to slow down the relationship, allow discussion and talk to him.

  • Be gentle and thoughtful and consider that he might be afraid to lose you and remain hurt.
  • Reassure him that you like him and that you still care about your relationship, but try also to speak clearly and honestly. Emphasize that you want to continue seeing him, but you need some space for yourself.
  • Be honest and tell him that you don’t want to see other men, but you feel that everything is going just too fast for you. Explain that you would like your relationship to take its course slowly and naturally, without forcing anything. If he loves you and respects you, he will understand.
  • Be prepared to face negative emotions and perhaps even despair, but stay strong and stick to your decision. You must love yourself first, in order to love another.

About the author


Jessica is a translator who has lived for many years in Asia and South America. She now lives and works in Europe, while preparing her new journeys. She enjoys traveling, meeting new people, exploring different cultures and foods, and being in love.


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  • Hi,

    My girlfriend has suggest that we take things slowly as she finds that our relationship is going to fast but she is away at the moment and wants to discuss it when she returns. We are together two and a half months, we have a lot in common, she has a baby girl and likes the fact on how I look after her even though the baby is not mine.

    How should I preside with this? Should I jot a few things on paper so I can mention them to her when she returns or wait till we meet up and talk about it to face to face rather than talking from a hymn sheet?

    Thanks in advance,