Are you the jealous type? Are you worried about his ex? Before you turn green, here are 7 reasons not to be.
I can tell you that up until about five years ago, I don’t think I’d ever met an ex-girlfriend I actually liked. The truth is, I’m extremely territorial when it comes to boyfriends and to me an ex has always been a threat.
However, my ex-boyfriend Joe (you remember…the one who devastated me?) and I went to a pub one night and we happened to run into his ex-girlfriend. Keep in mind, he dated this woman for ten years. I was instantly on guard.
Much to my surprise, however, she gave him a quick, friendly hug, shared a quick laugh and a hello, then looked at me, winked conspiratorially and said, “You should come sit with me and let me buy you a drink. I could tell you some stories!” Joe groaned, held my arm and walked us both away.
I immediately liked the woman. First of all, she was quite beautiful but very friendly and not at all interested in him. Second, I realized those were pretty close to the same words I said to my ex-husband’s new wife. All of my views on exes suddenly changed, which is why I’m here to set your mind at ease and give you 7 reasons not to worry about his ex.
#1 She’s an Ex for a Reason
The most important reason not to worry about your boyfriend’s ex is because she’s an ex for a reason. It doesn’t matter who ended the relationship, the relationship is over. If he ended it, then you know he doesn’t want her back. Men rarely go back to a woman they’ve dumped. If she ended it, then you know she no longer wants him. Again, she’s an ex for a reason whatever reason that might be.
#2 He’s Not Getting Her Back
If she broke the relationship off with him and you’re concerned that he might still want her, don’t worry. The truth is he will never be able to get her back. Honestly. Think about it, have you ever dumped a guy and then thought, “You know, maybe I should have stayed with that jerk anyway?” Okay, maybe once, but only in special circumstances.
As a general rule, once a woman’s ended the relationship she tends to just move forward and move on with her life, which doesn’t include him. So even if you’re worried your guy might be longing for his ex every now and again (as jaded men sometimes do), don’t worry. She’s not coming back.
#3 She Doesn’t Compare to You
It’s not very often that a man downgrades after a love affair. Most of my exes date women more awesome than me after we break up (which, let’s face it ladies, is really annoying of them). So if you look at it from her perspective, YOU’RE the awesome one this time and she doesn’t even begin to compare to you. That should make you feel better.
#4 There’s Too Much Drama
Another reason you really do not have to be worried about your guy’s ex is because there’s often a lot of drama involved in old relationships. Yes, there were fond memories and good times, but seriously, there was drama as well.
He might not talk about the relationship much, he might not ever mention the drama or the crazy, but you know if they’re no longer an item that something happened (and it wasn’t something good).
#5 He Doesn’t Talk About Her As If She’s Still Around
One of the worst situations to be in is when a guy constantly talks about his ex. It’s kind of like you’re not his girlfriend anymore, now you’re his therapist. I once dated a guy who talked about his ex so much that I looked at the guy and said, “Hey, do you mind if it’s just the two of us tonight? I’m kind of tired of your ex always being with us.” He took the hint.
If a man acknowledges her as his ex, has fond memories and realistic outlooks, then you don’t have to worry. If he’s always talking about her and how she hurt him or did him wrong, then you might have a problem (but the problem is him, not her).
#6 You’ve Met Her
Just like the story I told you of Joe, if you’ve met his ex, then you already know you have nothing to worry about, especially if she was cool to you and friendly, but not overly affectionate, to him. Meeting his ex is usually the best way to get over the fear of her.
Trust me, once you see that she has moved on and has no interest in being with him anymore, you’ll understand exactly what I mean.
#7 You’ve Met His Friends And His Family
One of the most important reasons why you have nothing to fear about his ex is that he’s introduced you to the people who matter most in his life, his friends and family. Guys who are in it for a fling will not bother to let his friends get to know you, and they especially won’t bother letting you meet the parents.
If he thinks highly enough of you to introduce you to his family (and we all know how crazy families are), then you know he either really likes you or he wants to scare you off. I’m guessing he really likes you.
Whatever the case may be, unless you’re man is secretly calling his ex in the middle of the night or planning hot sex dates with her while you’re at work, you don’t have anything to worry about. We all have exes, and just like ours, your man’s exes are an ex for a reason.
Tell us, have you ever met your man’s ex and are you still worried about her?
So, is He Over His Ex?
So let’s be real. Never assume that your boyfriend’s heart beats only for you. When you start to put more of yourself into your relationship with someone, it’s natural to worry if he still has something set aside for his ex-girlfriend
It’s quite painful to spend and invest your time, resources, and love in a guy who’s not over his ex-girlfriend yet.
If your boyfriend shows any of these signs, talk to him to figure out what’s going on. If he genuinely loved you, he would be honest and willing to resolve issues for the betterment of your relationship. Let him go if he doesn’t and stop being worried about his ex.
Thank you for this article. Some strong points which will hopefully help me get over the ex.
I went out with a guy and we split up for 8 months…we still loved eachother but he has never been married or had children, i have 2 children….i was also brain ashed by my sister that i was too good for him because i have a business and have worked so hard for what i have alone. He is a carpenter. That never bothered me and i dont care what they do or where they live or how much money they have……anyway…I stupidly fell for the pressure from my sister and ended it 8 months a go. I dated a few men who were rich, did great jobs but were idiots….The carpenter often messaged me and then in November he messaged me almost everyday asking how my sick brother in law was. It was lovely and then he asked me out and i just said yes. We met and everything that was so positive in our relationship came flooding back…hes a good man, kind and loves my kids. Sister wasnt amused but i dont care……..I wouldnt want her stressful life to keep her kids in private education and have big houses. Anyway a few weeks in getting back together I found messages on his phone from a women….he had finished with her the day we got together again. He hadnt told me about her….but she was a chiropractor he went to visit for muscle pain and she said it was because of our breakup. She sent messages saying what a great kisser he was and how maybe it was the lack of sex that he ended it. He replied by saying there isnt the love there and he wants them to remain great friends. I went mad….why? he hadnt told me about her….she also has a business in the same town…..Its a small place. He said he didnt tell me to protect me….so why am i allowing her to take over my life. When we kiss i think about her kissing him…..her touching him supposedly making him better and being intimate. He loves me but i cant get her out of my head and have already seen her twice this week when i would never of noticed her before. When ive had a drink i tend to allow the insecurities come out…..i have no reason…hes with me not her…but now ive made a commitment to him and want him 100% i dont want to loose him. I will if i cant get this bloody women out of head. How can i be confident and trust him?
I was jealous of my ex’s girlfriend. It turns out she is insanely jealous of me! She flipped out when she found out about me. I’ve never had anyone be jealous of me before.
These points were exactly what I needed to hear. I let my fear control me sometimes and that makes our relationship difficult. I’m at fault for that, not him. Thank you again!