You’ve come to the point where all of your failed relationships are looking the same, and you want to know why you keep falling for the guys that end up hurting you. What is so attractive about the Bad Boy? Is it possible to break the habit?

Let’s face it, evil is sexy! Evil is depicted as the heart-throb of every sexy bad boy Film and TV Serial we love. The bad boy is the hot tormented soul that we all want the heroine to hook up with in the end, but not because we want the girl to suffer; the reason we want them to get together is because she will be his saviour.

If you keep falling for the bad boy there is probably a part of you that wants to save him from himself. It’s not only this that attracts you to guys that are no good though.

Here is a round-up of the top 5 reasons you keep falling for bad boys, and much needed solutions to change your psychological mindset, and snap you out of your bad habit…

1. The Thrill Factor

portrait couple poses

Every bad boy comes with the thrill factor. There’s the chase and the challenge, the excitement and risk, the spontaneous high-speed romance… Bad boys naturally ooze that mysterious quality, it’s like you never can get quite close enough to touch them.

They’re also experts at seduction and manipulation. They know how to use all of their attractive traits to get exactly what they want out of a woman. He will make you feel amazing for the time that you are in his line of vision, but due to his high-speed tendencies and lack of focus, he won’t stick around for long. Suddenly you’re the one chasing him!

Fix it… You have to get it into your head that it is the thrill factor that attracts them, as well as you. As soon as you become a sure thing, you’re not a challenge anymore. They don’t want predictable, safe, or boring. They want to be on the go.

Can you deal with this? Are you willing to constantly be reinventing yourself to fit into the needs of a man who needs the constant thrill of the chase? Or can you accept that as a long-term plan it would be exhausting, unsatisfying and unrealistic? You want more than this. You deserve more. Re-evaluate your needs and find a man that fits them.

2. Confidence and Power

A man who is sure of himself may come across as arrogant, but if he has the looks, attitude and everything else to pull it off, he becomes a heart-throb. Every woman innately wants a man who can handle himself in situations, and who has the confidence and ability to be a success, because this is the kind of man who can provide a stable future.

Confident men are looked up to which gives them status and power, and is sexy. It’s exactly the same the other way round if you think about it. Men are attracted to confident women. If you are seeing one of these guys and he has lost interest in you, it is probably because you were easy to manipulate, and once his quest has been achieved and you have been devoured he’s ready to move on to the next.

Fix it… The thing is, while confidence and power are certainly attractive qualities to begin with, they are not enough to form a man who can fill all of a woman’s needs.

A woman naturally seeks security on a mental and emotional level too. Bad boys are seriously lacking in this area which is why you will never, ever be one hundred per cent fulfilled with him. If you want to find true happiness then you need a fully-rounded man. Bad boys are not fully developed men – hence the name bad ‘boys’.

3. Your Friends & Family Don’t Approve

young people on meeting

It’s amazing how appealing going against the grain is, even when you know it isn’t necessarily good for you. If your friends and family don’t approve of your bad boy lover, then your reflex is probably to rebel against their beliefs. It’s a common defense mechanism.

You may even devise in your head that they are jealous in some way, or feel an overwhelming nurturing urge to defend your lover by opposing or ignoring the views of your friends or family. This comes from a desire to be on the side of your lover and share a special connection with them, by choosing them over the people who are meant to be important to you, and essentially submitting yourself to them.

There is a hint of dominant and submissive personality present; really what you want is his acceptance, approval and love.

Fix it… What you have to realise is that your rebellion is only important to you. It doesn’t make much of a difference to your bad boy, at least not in the long term. He may feel an initial urge to accept the challenge of winning your affections over the disapproval of your peers, but once he has it, that’s it, mission accomplished.

You need to decide whose love is real. Who genuinely cares about your best interests. Because these are the opinions you should trust and take notice of. And these are the people who will be there for you when your bad boy moves onto greener pastures, every single time! One day you will have to start listening to them, before you lose their support altogether.

4. The Emotional Roller Coaster Is Addictive

Heightened emotions can become dangerously addictive, whether they are good or bad, you will get to a point where even the lows feel good because they are so intense that nothing compares. Some women feed off feelings of intense anger, jealousy and insecurity.

Why? Well it’s certainly not boring! Once you have become accustomed to feeling a constant imbalance of intense emotions to each extreme, any ordinary feeling is dull and doesn’t have quite the same kick. Women like this mistake these emotions for ‘love’.

Fix it… Firstly it’s not exactly healthy to be feeling so high and then so low with such intense frequency. Think about the effect it could be having on all of your other relationships, which should be just as important. Is it affecting your work life? Your productivity at home? Your social scene?

Are these not just as important as being in a relationship? You have to understand that a happy and healthy life is about finding a good balance. If your relationship is taking up so much of your energy, then it is only your own life that is being robbed, not his.

5. You Want to Change Him

man and woman

Coming back to what was mentioned in the introduction paragraph, you may think that you can bring out the better person in your bad boy and that he will love you more for it, but the thing you must ask yourself is – does he want to change himself?

What if your bad boy loves his life and all the exciting opportunities and freedom his personality presents himself with? If you think you are going to change him, then he will only see you as a woman who wants to restrict him. If he’s a wild animal, which bad boys tend to be, then he’s not going to take kindly to that, is he?

Fix it… Rather than try to change him, focus on changing yourself, and your attitude. The only person in life you will ever be able to change is yourself. You have two choices;

  1. You can adapt to the person and the situation, and deal with how it makes you feel.
  2. You can be true to yourself and your needs,  and look for something better.