7 Signs You’re Dating A Narcissist

Not sure if you are dating a narcissist? Is your new guy charming to the point that he seems more into himself than you? Here’re the signs to look out for.

Living in an ever-evolving, narcissistic world, especially with today’s social media hype, can make finding a reasonable suitor extremely difficult. As society becomes more narcissistic, so do the people, but the implications of dating someone who is considered vain or narcissistic are completely different.

What is narcissism?

The word ‘narcissist’ is thrown around all over the shop today, and it’s easy to use the term without fully understanding what it means. The concept stems from Greek mythology where a beautiful man named Narcissus falls in love with his own reflection in a pond, not realizing it is merely an image of himself.

Every time he attempts to pursue the object of his desire, he displaces the water, causing the image to disappear. Realizing that he cannot touch his beloved, he spends the rest of his days staring at his reflection (like we do) until he fades away and dies from starvation. A little heavy, I know, but this really does highlight the severity of self-worship that occurs in narcissists, such as the one and only Kanye West.

Narcissists possess numerous defining characteristics, some of which are: an exaggerated sense of self-importance, the constant need for admiration, the belief that they are superior to others and an inability to acknowledge the feelings of others.

It should be noted, however, that like all personality traits, they are only a problem if they negatively impact on different aspects of your life such as relationships or work. When this occurs and a person starts to behave, think and feel in a worrying or abnormal way, this is referred to as a personality disorder, or, in this case, narcissistic personality order (NPD).

Just from the few characteristics listed above, you can already see why being in a relationship with someone suffering from NPD may be problematic, with emotional abuse within such a relationship being frequently reported. So, if any of the following signs sound a little too familiar then please do proceed with caution. Here are seven signs that you’re dating a narcissist.

A midsection of a romantic couple with flowers and heart

1. What a charmer!

Dating a narcissist? Then you know all about this.

When narcissists fall for someone, they fall hard. They become excessively affectionate and attentive, showering their target with praise, compliments and gifts. Narcissists become infatuated with you and lure you in with their infamous charm; sadly, this is probably the closest they will ever come to being in love. At this point, a narcissist will be whomever you want them to be. Unfortunately, this doesn’t last forever.

2. You’re the best thing since sliced bread?

Narcissists only want to engage with people they believe are of the same status or equally as fantastic as they are, whether that be in terms of intelligence, wealth or attractiveness (ideally all three). They will initially idealize you and believe that they have finally found someone who is worthy of their time and effort. At this point in the relationship, a narcissist will constantly have you on their mind, arguably to the point of obsession. However, like anything in a narcissist’s life, it can only be an obsession for so long.

3. Oh, cry me a river!

Portrait of young woman and man outdoor on street having relationship problems

This is the most unfortunate part about being a narcissist and the one that will lead to the most problems, mainly yours. Narcissists cannot empathize! They lack the ability to view a situation from somebody else’s perspective and, even if they could, they probably wouldn’t bother.

Due to their inability to empathize, when they do something that upsets you, they show a lack of remorse. This makes resolving issues difficult and leaves you with the agonizing feeling that maybe he never cared about you at all.

4. All his exes are crazy

Now, we all come with a history, but this one should be a massive alarm bell if present with some of the other warning signs—particularly if he comes with a severe history of infidelity!

If, whenever the subject of his past relationships is broached, his classic response is, “All my exes were crazy,” then grab your coat and run. This could only mean one of two things: his exes weren’t all crazy, but he did something that made them all crazy, or he’s into psycho girls and loves the drama. Either way, it is definitely a problem and one you should not concern yourself with.

5. Sorry I’ve said enough. Do want to talk about me?

Narcissists love to talk—mainly about themselves. They have a grandiose view of themselves so listening to them talk about their achievements, possessions, admirable experiences and greatest accomplishments are likely to be frequent conversational topics.

Narcissists will dominate all interactions and, if you are lucky enough to get a word in edge ways, then it is likely he will only let you continue if the topic at hand remains on him. Narcissists use other people to feed their own ego and boost their self-esteem. Therefore, if the subject you are talking about doesn’t facilitate this need, he is likely to shut you down and divert the conversation back to him.

6. Why should he get it? I want it!

Dating A Narcissist

Pathological narcissists have a sense of entitlement that consumes every aspect of their life. Their expectations are highly unreasonable and they insist on favorable treatment regardless of their efforts or whether they actually deserve it.

The more frustrating part of being in a relationship with someone like this is that they expect you to automatically comply with their expectations, in spite of whether you actually agree or not. There is a disregard for the fact you are an autonomous being and it makes you question whether your other half would be more content being in a relationship with a robot.

7. Hot and Cold

Personally, the fluctuating interest is the worst element of being in a relationship with a narcissist. The fact that he can be worshipping you one minute and making you feel invisible the next is not an experience I would wish upon anyone.

This emotional torment controlled solely by his hands is enough to strip anyone of their self-esteem and identity. The constant state of ambivalence and swapping between seeing the charming man you chose to be with and a cold, distant stranger leaves you permanently confused. Unfortunately, ladies—and I hate to be the bearer of bad news—this will NEVER change.

So, there you have it: all the signs and symptoms of dating a narcissist. If this has sounded all too familiar, then I have one last word of advice: Bolt!

Love him or leave him

Whether you’re trying to make it work, or to get rid of him, here’s all you’ll ever need to know about how to deal with a narcissist.

These are the only tips you’ll ever need to try. What are you going to do with your man, keep him or get him to go?

Dating a narcissist? What’s your story?

About the author

Emma Sweeney

A small time girl playing adult in the city. She has a masters in Psychology and still dresses like its the 90's. Emma likes cheese and going on adventures. Emma dislikes boring people and kitten heels. Winging it since 1991!

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