15 Funny New Year’s Resolutions: A Happy New Year

This year, don’t make New Year’s resolutions you might not be able to accomplish; instead, try to have fun and mix things up. You may have the best year of your life to look forward to.

Last year, our family thought it would be fun to do something different for the whole New Year’s resolutions tradition. Because we’re a pretty large, and totally crazy bunch, we decided to come up with one resolution each, write them down and put them all in a hat (okay, it was actually a metal mixing bowl my mom had).

Then, one at a time, every relative reached into the bowl and pulled out a slip of paper with funny New Year’s resolutions written on them. Whatever we got, we had to do in the next twelve months.

We even ate the papers we pulled out to swear ourselves to the task. That’s why I wound up posting a pic on Facebook of me singing karaoke.

Now, I wouldn’t ever suggest that you do something like our family did, mainly because it was perhaps a bit too weird and paper doesn’t taste good. But I do think that the world needs more of funny New Year’s resolutions and fewer of the kind that make you want to cry because they seem so hard to accomplish.

Therefore, my personal hope is for you to try out at least three of the following New Year’s resolutions… for no other reason than I think you will probably find yourself needing a good laugh at several points throughout the year.

1. Grab a puppet

Hand Puppets Of Snowman And Santa

Wear a hand puppet when you go shopping. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Just go about your errands as usual. Watch how other people stare.

2. Try new accessories

Make crazy duct tape jewelry and use it to accessorize your outfit.

3. Change up your ringtone

Change your ringtone to something totally inappropriate for your age, like the “Sesame Street” theme song. When others look at you like you’re nuts, don’t make a big deal out of it. Oh, and turn the volume up.

4. Act like a foreigner

Pretend you’re a foreigner at a retail store. Just talk gibberish for a while to the clerks and see how they try to communicate.

5. Play twister


Play at least one round of Twister with some friends. If you haven’t played this age-old game as an adult, you don’t know what you’re missing. Word to the wise: Stretch first or you’ll feel some discomfort in the morning.

6. Hit up the arcade

Go to an arcade and spend an hour there playing some of the craziest games you can find. Just splurge and let your inner kid go wild. Hoot and holler. Oh, and don’t bring any kids with you. Extra points if you wear heels and a cocktail dress.

7. Have a pants-free skype session

Skype with someone at least once without wearing any pants (Don’t tell the other person, of course.) This will make you feel like laughing hysterically, especially if you do the Skype session with your boss. Hint: Don’t forget you have no pants on and stand up. You’ll be horribly embarrassed and the resolution will quickly turn sour.

8. Do something just for kicks

Wear a “Kick Me” sign on your back for an hour when you’re out and about. See if anyone notices or actually tries to kick you. (Yes, this could be a bit harmful to your health, but this is all about having fun, so suck it up and try it out.)

9. Dress inappropriately for the gym

Wear a T-shirt to the gym that is obviously meant for a little kid. Pick Elmo or Barney or something. Make sure it’s completely outrageous, but doesn’t fit too snugly (these are funny New Year’s resolutions, not X-rated ones, after all.) If anyone asks about it, tell them you LOVE the character. Be sincere.

10. Pose with someone else’s car

woman in ferrari

Why wait to buy your dream car when you can find one, take pictures with it, and totally make everyone jealous on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat…(Hello, 2015 Mustang!)

11. Have a silly date night

Go on a date night to a kid’s movie. Dress up like you’re heading to the Ritz, and make sure your date is in on the joke.

12. Scandalize the mailman

Leave a pair of (new) panties hanging on the knob of your front door in a very conspicuous way. Peek out the window and see what the paper carrier and mail delivery person do. See if you can get at least one double-take out of them.

13. Submit to People of Walmart

Surreptitiously take pics of people at big-box retailers who are wearing really strange outfits, and then send them to People of Walmart. Sadly, you probably won’t have to look for very long before you find submissions.

14. Honk at everyone

Wave and honk at random people who are walking along the street. Guaranteed some of them will wave back … even though they have no clue who you are.

15. Make a librarian uncomfortable


Find the dirtiest books you can at the library, and try to get the librarian to talk about them. Pick someone you think wouldn’t be into dirty books.
Remember that resolutions don’t have to be dull, and your next 365 days should be filled with some giggles. Have a blast, and happy New Year to all!

About the author

Ali Lawrence

More ambitious than Julius Caesar and less predictable than a game of poker, Ali Lawrence is a globetrotter that writes for a living. When not on the road, she enjoys cooking healthy meals, playing tennis and painting.

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