Depression is a complicated diagnosis to live with. It is complicated because there are not many people who know exactly how to deal with being around someone who is deeply involved with their depression.
To be completely honest, not even people who struggle with depression know how to deal with their depression sometimes. Living with depression is like being hit by a wave just as you get up from being knocked down by another—repeatedly.
As soon as you think everything is going okay, the depression has a way of inching itself in there. It’s one of the most unnerving battles I’ve ever had to go through.
There are certain things that I wish I could tell my friends about when I’m having a bad day with my depression, but I know that I’ll never really tell them.
I’m so afraid that they will not be able to really understand what I’m talking about when I explain how it affects me. Here are the things that I wish people knew about depression.
1. We feel like a burden
When we have a bad day with our depression, we are hard to be around. We know that, and will be the first to say so. We know that our depression comes out at the worst of times, but we don’t always know the best way to cope with it.
I wish my friends could know how bad I feel when I’m having a bad day. I know that they try to make me feel better and happier, but I don’t know if they realize that it’s almost impossible for me to be happy when I’m having one of these days.
I appreciate them so much for trying to help, but it only makes me feel worse because I know it’s not going to work as well as they hope it will.
When I’m out with my friends and not having a good day with my depression, I feel incredibly guilty. All I want is to be my funny and confident self.
I don’t want people to see me being a person who is incredibly sad and unable to even laugh at a joke.
I don’t want people being around that version of myself, but I also don’t want to be left alone. It’s a constant struggle between my normal self and depression.
2. We feel bad when we get pity
It may not seem like pity to the people who surround us and try to help, but it is difficult for us not to perceive it that way. I know that my friends are only trying to help me to be happy again, but their efforts seem to just be pity after multiple efforts, and I understand why.
It must be really hard to deal with a person who is depressed when you’re out doing something fun. The only thing you want is for your friend to have a good time, and I can’t even begin to tell you how badly I want to enjoy myself as well.
It doesn’t mean that I’m not enjoying what’s going on around me, or trying to at least. I am trying my hardest not to let this affect every aspect of my life—especially when it comes to being out with my friends.
It makes me feel worse when people try so hard to make me happy again, and I just can’t find it in me to do it.
3. We don’t want to be alone
The biggest problem with dealing with depression is the feeling of being completely and utterly alone. It is terrifying for us to be in a room with people and still feel like we don’t matter.
I hate how I can be out with my friends and still feel like I can’t be included in any conversation, even though they’re really trying to include me.
There is something about depression that makes it so much harder for people to accept the fact that people still want to talk to them, even though they’re not in a good place.
It may seem like a good idea just to let a person with depression have their own time, but I know I feel worse whenever I’m left alone. When I’m having a bad day, being in my room all day when I know my friends are out having a good time makes me feel even worse.
We want to be included so badly, but we don’t always know exactly how to let ourselves be included and be happy when we feel so terrible.
Ultimately, what I want my friends to know about my depression is that I wish I didn’t have it. I wish I could be my usual self, instead of the person I feel no one wants to be around. The last thing I want to do is feel like I’m bringing other people down with me.
I’m in a constant battle between my normal self and my depression. It’s a battle I’m trying so hard to win, but I want you to know that some days it does take a lot out of me. Sometimes, it does catch up with me. I know I’m never going to give up the fight, and I hope you know that, too.
I’m extremely grateful for everyone I have supporting me, and I want you all to know that. The fact that you all try to help me when I don’t even know how to help myself means more to me than I’ll ever let you know.
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