I think I can speak for a majority of women when I say that not all friends are going to be good friends. There will always be people who we think we will get along with, but ultimately realize that we do not get along as well as we had hoped. Sometimes we merely drift apart, but, more often some sort of drama happens.
No matter how old you are or how long you’ve been out of high school, there are going to be people who make their entire lives as dramatic as it was in high school. Just because you have matured doesn’t mean that everyone around you has. It’s something everyone gets tired of pretty quickly. Here is how to deal with people who try to tear you down.
1. Remember that it’s not about you
People feel the need to tear others down when they feel threatened. They aren’t happy about where they are in life, so they feel like they need to drag other people down with them. It doesn’t say anything bad about you.
You can go months or even years without speaking to them or thinking of them, yet they will still try to find a way to come back and place whatever blame they can think of on you. Whatever they have to say about you, they will say it.
They will say whatever they can to ensure their self-worth and, of course, it will be your fault in their eyes. That will never change. They’re the ones who feel the need to bring you down and find reasons to attack you, not the other way around. What you say about others says more about you than the people you are talking about.
2. Don’t give in to it
The goal of people coming back into your lives is to have a negative impact and to get a rise out of you. They don’t have anything better to do, so it makes sense why they would lash out. What you need to remember is that you cannot give into it. If people text you unnecessarily with information that has expired or is not true, you cannot reply—no good that can come from it.
The reason people send text messages is to get a reply. If you choose to take the time out to write a nasty message to someone who hasn’t been in your life for a while, then there is an underlying issue.
These people will go out of their way to use information to hurt you. They will say anything and go to any lengths. If ex-friends are trying to tear you down, then they will use whatever information they have on you that is most relevant to them—even if that information is months or years old. They will use words to manipulate you and make you try to rethink your life. Don’t let it get to you.
3. Brush it off your shoulder
At the end of the day, these people aren’t in your life for a reason. You made a conscious decision to create space between you and them. Don’t forget that. Something had to have happened to make you realize that they are not the kind of people you want to have in your life.
You did the right thing by moving on with your life and making progress with whatever it is you have been doing. These people know they can’t control you, so they are going to do whatever they can to try to control how others see you. Is it right? No, but there’s nothing you can do about it.
Like my mom always says, “You can’t argue with crazy.” It doesn’t work. They’re going to try to paint you in a bad light to anyone who will listen. Odds are, these people are going to see what you saw in that person at some point. Those who try to tear you down are already below you.
I am, in no way, trying to tell people who have gone out of their way to treat a person badly that they are not at fault. I am the first to admit that I have been a bad friend before, and I have ended friendships because I knew I couldn’t be a good friend. With that said, all those friends who I haven’t been the best friends to were not the best of friends to me either. You cannot complain about people talking about you behind your back when those people have been talking about you just as much.
I no longer have people in my life whom I don’t enjoy being around. It’s come with a good amount of maturity and knowledge I’ve gained along the way to be able to put an end to toxic relationships. I know I am not a bad person, and no one will ever try to make me out to be one. It’s simply not possible because it’s not the truth. No one’s opinion of me will change the way I look at myself. That’s not being naïve. It’s being an adult and coming to terms with who I am as a human being.
What I have done and said is in the past, much like those toxic people. The past is where they will both stay.
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