How to Use Seduction in Your Everyday Life

Seduction has long been considered a tactic that was more appropriate for the bedroom than it was for the office. But is that the case? Is there room for seduction in everyday life? I say there is!

More importantly, consultant and seduction expert Chen Lizra swears that seduction can play an important role in our everyday lives. She tells us in her recent TedTalk that seduction is a valuable life skill that we all need to master in order to get everything we want out of life.

I was intrigued by this. The idea that seduction could be used in a non sexual way to convince others to do what I wanted sounded like a great idea… as I’m sure it does to you.  I’m going to share Lizra’s four elements of seduction so that you can start using them in your daily life to get what you want and be more successful.

Master desire, confidence, body language, and arousal and you will be well on your way to being a successful seductress.

What is our perception of seduction?


Seduction has been completely sexualized by American culture. Because showing your sexuality and sensual nature is often seen as a negative thing, seduction has been put into an unfortunate group of skills that are only perceived to be useful in certain situations.

But the fact of the matter is that seduction is a type of influence… and not necessarily a bad one. It can be a fun, playful skill that doesn’t necessarily have to have anything to do with sex. Lizra says that “seduction is about your untapped power that you’re not using, that you want to unleash.”

Want to know more about unleashing that untapped power? Seduction is a skill that can lead to success in many areas of your life.

What is the formula for seduction?

Lizra tells us that there are 4 important elements to mastering the art of seduction. They are desire, confidence, body language, and arousal.

1. Desire

Desire is another term that has been highly sexualized, but it doesn’t necessarily have to refer to desire of a sexual nature. When it comes to seduction, your desire for what you want and the other person’s desire is equally important.

Awakening the desire in others in a key part of seduction. Desire is about knowing what you want and being willing to go after it. This is often a problem for many of us. We all know what we want out of life, but fear of failure often keeps us from going after it. You have to be able to overcome that fear if you want to be successful.

In seduction, part of desire is the idea of keeping the possibility alive. This means that an answer is never just a straight no, but a maybe. You have to make it clear that there is a possibility of something more. When an answer is maybe, the other person knows that there is a possibility for a yes. When the answer is no, desire is cut off because there is no possibility of moving forward.

In order to master seduction, you have to learn what a person’s emotional buttons are and then trigger them. Even if it seems that there is no desire, it is probably hidden beneath the surface. It’s possible to get to the person’s desire, but you need to figure out what that person is missing and then give it to them.

2. Confidence

portrait of a serious lady with smoky eye makeup

Lizra tells us that “strong self confidence is essential to seduction.” Without it, seduction simply doesn’t exist.

Our self image is formed when we are children. It is formed first by our parents who tell us things when we are young about how smart, how good and how beautiful we are. Later we are affected by the outside world when we start socializing with other children, often when we begin school.

Then we start to hear the messages that others tell us about beauty and about what that should look like. Beyond that we have the incredibly strong influence of the media, which constantly tells us what we should look like if we want to be considered beautiful, or sexy, or worthy. All of these things can affect our self image and confidence, for better or for worse.

But that’s not to say that we can’t gain confidence later in life, if we didn’t have it from when we were younger. One important part of self confidence is accepting and loving yourself for who you are. The most confident people aren’t the absolute best-looking and most intelligent, they are the ones who are really happy with who they are and it shows. There is nothing more attractive than a confident person because they believe in themselves. And confident people get what they want.

If you lack confidence, try faking it for a while. It’s surprising how effective this can be. When other people view you as being confident (whether it’s genuine or not), you actually start to feel more confident.

3. Body Language

So much can be spoken without saying a word. Body language is a key part of our everyday communication. Even if you don’t realize it you are constantly reading the body language of others and interpreting it’s meaning.

Likewise, the outside world is reading your body language and drawing it’s own conclusions. If you have a sour look on your face and you’re slumped over in your seat, the world will conclude that you’re not having a good day. Maybe you look tired or mad or sad. It will all show in your facial expressions and your body.

Seduction, therefore, also exists in your body language. If you are able to transmit messages to others through the tone of your voice, the look on your face, and the way your body moves and positions itself, then you are able to use your body language to make it clear what you want. And a big part of seduction is using your body language to tell the other person what you want.

Body language also shows your confidence. Do you look someone in the eye? Do you stand and sit with your shoulders held back, instead of slouched over? Do you use a confident tone of voice? Do you seem at ease in your own body? These are important rules of good, positive, and seductive body language.

4. Arousal

Portrait of young elegant couple

In order to seduce someone effectively, you must awaken their arousal in some way. You have to awaken the desire in that person to give you what you want. In order to successfully do that, you have to truly connect with the other person and give them your total, undivided attention.

There is nothing more exciting than when a person seem completely engrossed in you. It’s very flattering and most people respond really well when they feel that someone is giving them their full, undivided attention. This is also where the other elements play their role. The other three elements will help you to be able to awaken the person’s arousal.

The last thing Lizra talks about as an important aspect of seduction is a fearlessness of failure. I personally think this is an important life skill whether it is for the purposes of seduction, or not. However, “fearlessness” may not be the right word. It’s perfectly normal and acceptable to be afraid of failure, but the problem is when that fear of failure keeps you from acting on your desires.

The fear of failure keeps us from trying all kinds of things in life, many of which would probably turn out really well if we just had the self confidence to give it a shot. Besides that, let’s consider failure for a moment. Without failure there would be no success. If you take a look at the people in your life that you really admire, I’ll bet they have experienced quite a bit of failure before getting things right.

In order to use seduction in everyday life you have to master and use all of these four elements. Build a connection with someone and you will be able to get what you want in the end. Learning how to master seduction leads to higher self confidence, which leads to being successful in life. Seduction has the power to get you what you want out of life. So go out there and be seductive!


About the author

Marie Trudeau

Marie currently resides in Buenos Aires, Argentina. She has extensively studied relationships and sexuality and loves to write about those topics. Her passions are photography, traveling, music, art and helping people.

1 Comment

Click here to post a comment

  • This is an intriguing concept, particularly in how seduction can be used in non-sexual ways and even toward people of the same sex (assuming you’re straight). I’m going to look for other resources to learn more about this. (I wish Chen Lizra would write a book with a thorough look of this topic, and include examples of how to use it. She seems to understand it well.)

    I’m thinking of ways to use this at work to help attract others to positive changes in our organization. People are often resistant to change because they are afraid of what is unfamiliar. I want to learn ways to use charm and connection to help people be willing to say “yes” to change — even to cultivate the desire in them to change.