One night stand advice can be tricky to ask for. Especially if you slept with someone your friends happen to know.
Telling them could be awkward and not only that – they might act awkward around him once they know! Give you meaningful looks or check how you’re behaving when you’re near him.
So to help you out we share some tips about one night stands – whether you’re thinking about having one, have had one, or are trying to help a friend who just had one and is asking for your advice.
Before having a one night stand
One night stands can be awesome. You meet someone, you’re attracted to them, you have sex and it’s brilliant. The next day you go back to your lives and that’s that. It was some fun.
He'll give his heart to the first woman who does this...
There are risks associated with one night stands too, however. Below are some things to bear in mind and questions to ask yourself before you go ahead with it (if you haven’t done so already!).
Are you safe?
The best people to have one night stands with are friends of friends, or the bartender you see every other week at that one bar, because it’s someone who’re slightly less likely to be…bonkers!
Is the place where you’re having sex safe?
Bringing him with you home is always preferable to going to an unknown destination.
It’s even better if you’re sharing a house with some friends, or ask your best friend to stay in the guest room at yours for the night.
Carrying some pepper spray is also a good idea. ALWAYS let some friends know what you’re up to and where you’re going.
Are you sober and is he sober?
To judge if you want to go home with a man, you should be sober. Also, perfectly nice men can behave like morons when they are drunk or high, or simply be too lost to understand what’s going on.
If you feel uncomfortable and he’s high, he might not take no for an answer. Not because he’s an asshole, but because mentally he’s not there.
And if you’re too drunk to know what you’re doing, the condom might not end up where it’s supposed to. Besides, sex is best when you’re sober.
Do you have a good quality condom with you?
Be sure to protect yourself from STDs as much as possible. Certain things you can’t protect yourself from though, like HPV.
According to one study, if you have at least one different partner per year in college during four years, your chances of getting HPV are 85% (if you aren’t vaccinated, but vaccines aren’t foolproof in this case).
In fact, most sexually active people have it at some time in their lives and in most cases it’s harmless as the infection is taken care of by your body (it’s believed that 90% of suffers will be cleared of the virus, or it will be dormant, within two years).
It’s important that you are aware of the risks though (you can read about HPV here) and that you keep your immune system happy by eating and sleeping well, spending time outdoors and exercising, as it will help prevent infections in general.
Do you have any moral or religious beliefs which would leave you feeling bad afterward?
If you do, think over your actions beforehand.
Do you know the person?
If you are to see your one-night stand again, will you be OK with it? From finding out they’re terrible in bed, to ending up with a crush on them, it can put you in a compromising position.
If you do know them, make sure they’re the kind of person who will respect you, so that not everyone on campus, or at work, the next morning will find out what you’re like in bed.
Are you OK with saying no if you feel uncomfortable?
Agreeing to having sex with someone isn’t the same as agreeing to doing anything they want and you have to be able to stand up for yourself.
Have you checked yourself for STDs after last having sex with someone?
You need to take responsibility by ensuring you don’t accidentally give someone an STD – remember, you won’t necessarily know you have one, as symptoms can take years to develop, or never develop at all, even if you’re infected with certain diseases.
Right, that just about sums up all the not-so-fun things to think about before having a one night stand! Let’s move on to the fun part!
Perks of one night stands
When it comes to one night stand advice it’s not just about making sure you’re safe, but also making sure you’re having a good time!
To be honest, one night stands are perfect if you feel self-conscious in bed, because you’re having sex with a guy you don’t care about. You aren’t trying to impress Mr Perfect here, you’re just looking to have some fun.
You’re looking to have your needs met and in the process you might pick up a thing or two about pleasing a man. You can also do some experimentation that you haven’t done with other men.
Of course, nothing beats being with a man you love and trust. And sex, just like life, is all about exploration. There are no guidelines. No rulebooks. We weren’t born with a “how to guide to life and sex.” However, one night stands often allow us to practice being in the moment and exploring without fear.
Another perk is having rebound sex. If you’ve just had a break-up sex can be a good way to clear your mind and see there are other men out there before you’re ready for emotional commitment to someone else.
When he wants what you don’t
Whilst most men won’t come on too strong with their kinky fantasies during one night stands – usually they ease their way in if they want to experiment to feel if you’re on the same page – some men might still want to do things you feel uncomfortable with, be it oral sex, or having you tie him up.
Turning him down delicately is a key in those situations. “Whoa, you’re on kinky man, I like it, but I don’t feel up to it today.” “I don’t feel like playing right now, I’m so turned on and I just want good old, fantastic, sex.” “No oral sex today baby, I just want you inside of me.”
However, being nice doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be firm. If he doesn’t get the hint, make him get it. It comes a point where being polite isn’t the most important part.
And remember, your job isn’t just to please him – he should be pleasing you too – so if you find yourself unsatisfied with a sexual position you’re in, or if he’s grabbing you too hard, just tell him what you want. Again, it’s easier telling him what you want in a sexy manner than telling him that the way he’s thrusting from behind feels like an elephant trampling your ovaries.
Dealing with the day after
When people ask for one night stand advice it often has to do with the morning after. How do you deal with waking up next to someone you don’t intend to keep seeing? It depends on who they are.
If you know someone and you ended up in bed with them, don’t run away before they wake up in the morning – it’s rude.
Instead, greet them with a smile, tell them it was fun and then say it’s time for you to get going (because you have a breakfast meeting, you’re going to the library to study, you’re dying for a coffee and have to make a phone call…even better if the night before you already mentioned you have something to do in the morning and shouldn’t stay out late).
No need to linger, just greet them and head out, but keep the banter going whilst you’re both getting ready so it doesn’t feel like you’re being some sort of ice queen, or regret what you did the night before.
Basically, leaving straight away makes it clear it was a one night stand, but staying long enough to chat for a little bit means it won’t be awkward when you bump into each other again.
Of course, if you’re really good friends with the guy you slept with and you’re both cool with what happened then staying around for a coffee is perfectly fine.
If you ended up in bed with one of your best friends it could be a bit more complicated than that though. You need to know they aren’t hoping for a date the next night.
Tell them that it was fun, flatter them a bit by saying something like “turns out I’m friends with a guy who’s good in bed, fancy that!” (say it with a twinkle in your eye, teasing them, or it won’t work – you might find a phrase that better for you, but you get the drift – make them feel good!).
Then add something like “it can be really good to have friends with benefits, sometimes can’t it? You totally made my Saturday night. Thank you. Just don’t tell your grandkids about that one time…”
The important bit here is to keep the tone light and say something which makes it clear this was a one night stand. I.e. you don’t want a date and he shouldn’t ask for one.
Dealing with seeing them again
If you slept with someone you know, then you’ll invariably see them again. Some people suggest you ignore what happened, but chances are you’ll get nervous trying to force yourself to forget your memories.
The best way to deal with it? Acknowledge how you feel and then let that feeling ease away. Trying to suppress it will make you act like a weirdo.
If you just sit with the feeling for a while chances are it will disappear of its own accord. Just be present to it and to the person in front of you instead of trying to “cover up” how you’re feeling.
What people might mean by ignoring it, is that you probably don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing to discuss.
A mental attitude of happiness
As mentioned previously, one night stands aren’t great if you think you might fall for the person you’re also falling in bed with. If you think you might fall for them, when they ask you to go home with them you say “No, but I’ll grab a drink with you next week if you like.”
You can also crack a joke about not being so easy to get into a parallel position and tease him a bit. If he wants to date you, then he’ll ask you out at that point.
However, it’s not always about having a crush on the person BEFORE you go home with them. Giving one night stand advice is also about warning people about the feelings they didn’t know they had.
Like that empty feeling in the pit of their stomach they will have the day after because they feel like they need more. They want hugs. They want cuddles.
They want someone to ask how they’re feeling by the end of the day. And now that they’ve had sex they crave those things even more than before.
Even if they realize, on some level, the person they had sex for isn’t right for them, they might still try to have them, or end up feeling super lonely the next day.
Be sure to know that you aren’t looking for more than a one night stand, before you decide to have one. If you happen to realize that when it’s too late, distract yourself.
You shouldn’t try to fill the void by having another one night stand or getting a date with the guy you just slept with whom you aren’t in love with.
Instead fill your life with friends, work and exercise. And, lastly, dare to be lonely. Accept that you feel lonely, but also realize it’s not gonna last forever.
Face it and work to make the other areas of your life as best they can be and sooner rather than later you’ll find the right guy for you.