Like many people, I fell for someone. And when I say fell, I mean plummeted—hard. I fell so much in love and I fell very quickly. He was my first love, so when things ended, I didn’t take it very well.
I felt as if I had lost the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. Giving up that kind of love and connection took so much more out of me than I ever thought was possible.
It’s been over a year and a half since we dated, and it’s still hard for me to stop thinking about him. All I want is to talk to him one more time. Why? It’s hard to let go. Here are some things I’ve learned along my way on the road to moving forward.
1. Don’t think of it as “moving on”
Moving on actually makes you think about the relationship even more, and it forces you to make life choices with your ex in mind. If you focus more on moving forward with your life after the breakup, it makes you want to change for the sake of yourself.
He'll give his heart to the first woman who does this...
You want to improve yourself or change yourself in whatever way, because you feel like you have the power to do so for yourself. You are not obligated to do it for the sake of anyone else.
2. Don’t constantly go back to your ex
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve wanted to text my ex and just see how he’s doing. I have strong urges to contact him again and talk to him, as if it’s going to make anything even a little bit better.
Why shouldn’t I go back when I feel these things towards him? Because I’m not going to put myself out there to show someone that I still think about him when I probably rarely, if ever, even cross his mind.
No matter how badly I want to go back to him, I know it’s not a good idea to do so because it’s not going to help me move forward from him. It hurts me more than I’ll ever admit to say it, but we ended for a reason.
If he doesn’t want to be with me, then I’m not constantly going to try to be the person he wanted me to be.
3. Focus on yourself
Coming from a person who hates doing things for herself, I know how hard this one can be at times. I feel guilty if I ever do something for myself because I’m used to giving all of myself to the person I’m with. This can be seen as positive, but it can be a severe drawback as well.
If you’re thinking about contacting your ex, then you need to go out and find something to distract yourself. This should probably be something that will be beneficial to your life. You should try to make yourself a better person, if you’re looking for making your life better.
4. Surround yourself with supportive people
After going through a breakup, most people tend to feel like they’ve lost a part of themselves when the relationship ends. The best thing you can do if you feel this way is to surround yourself with people who are going to have a positive effect on your life. You don’t need any negativity around you at a vulnerable time like this.
There are always going to be people in your life who love you. If that isn’t something to be grateful for, then I don’t know what would be. Having someone on your side can be the best feeling you can have. The feeling that your emotions and thoughts are validated is crucial to your well-being.
You need someone in your life whom you can lean on, especially when you feel lonely and miss your ex. It’s terrifying to feel alone and miss someone you know you can never have back. You need someone around you to help you go through that.
It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It just means that you’re going through a rough patch and need some help.
5. Know that what’s meant to be will be
If you are meant to be with your ex, then you will find your way back to your ex. If the two of you are not meant to be together, then that means that you broke up for the right reasons. I truly believe that we have someone in our lives that we’re meant to be with.
I also believe that we’re meant to be with more than one person, in various forms of relationships. I think that some people are meant to be in our lives for a short amount of time to teach us something about ourselves.
It’s never going to be the perfect timing for anything. If you were really supposed to end up with your ex, then you’ll be with your ex again at some point in time.
If you weren’t meant to be with your ex, then imagine how amazing it’s going to feel when you meet the person you’re really meant to be with. Imagine how amazing that love is going to feel. Look forward to having that one day.
Love is always going to be messy and complicated. We can either choose to run after it or run away from it. Both choices will have their own sets of consequences and positives. It’s never going to be the perfect time, and the perfect person doesn’t exist, but that won’t stop us from finding love.
If you have any thoughts about this article, then please post them in the comments section.