Relationships

6 Reasons Why Guys Disappear And Then Come Back

There is a trend going on among men to disappear and reappear without an explanation. We'll help you understand why guys disappear and how to deal with that

Men are interesting creatures that can be very unpredictable. They exhibit several behaviors that leave us scratching our heads and leave us scowling, but other times they can surprise us as well.

When it comes to relationships, no two men are completely alike. However, there is a modern trend going right now, where a man in a relationship will disappear completely for a period of time and then, in some cases, return when the lady least expects it (although in many cases he doesn’t return at all).

We are talking no calls, no emails, no messages. He just stops communicating with you, although he told you he loves you a few days ago.

Out of all the confounding behaviors exhibited by men, this particular one has us ladies all stymied. Why would a man in a relationship just disappear without a trace like James Bond? What causes a man to decide to pull such a move?

There are some insights into the male disappearing act which have been explored and they seem very plausible:

Sometimes it means he is multi-dating

Man cheating women by mislead chosen one and flirting with another female

Men these days seem to enjoy playing the field and monkey branching. It is not uncommon for a man to date at least two ladies at the same time. In this case, a man thinks the grass is always greener on the other side and he believes that he is getting the best of both worlds with the different women he is stringing along.

While it’s not a crime to date other people, it is definitely the behavior of a jerk. By stringing along women, he is planting false hopes in a girl interested in him and treating her like a commodity instead of a human being. Women are NOT things to be kept around just because. Women are human beings and should be treated as such.

It is true that some women exhibit this behavior as well, but it is a more prevalent among men. A man is more biologically inclined to date more than one woman at the same time because it makes him feel desirable. How very narcissistic.

In reality, he is just causing heartache and pain to others, as well as himself. Everybody deserves to love and be loved and this selfish attitude causes more harm to others than good. This is obviously the work of a man who has issues with self-image.

Sometimes it means he is really busy with work or life and you’re not his highest priority

As blunt as this next reason is, it’s very plausible. Women aren’t the only facets of a man’s life. He has a demanding career, a doting family, and possibly a busy social calendar. While it’s not an excuse to ignore a woman he’s seeing, it’s a fact of life.

The logic, however, should be that a man should avoid relationships if he lacks the time and mental frame to build one with someone special. He should be up front about his hectic lifestyle at the beginning and be honest about it all instead of just disappearing without a trace.

Everyone has a hectic schedule…they just have different ways of managing it. While I can’t say that there’s a right way or a wrong way, however, when you think of the morality of time management, there has to be a humane way to manage it without hurting others.

Because people nowadays are so self-absorbed and entitled, they tend to forget that the others surrounding them have feelings as well. So, in essence, the man is letting his self-absorbedness help him coast by through the expense of the women he’s supposedly too busy to make time for.

Sometimes it means he has attachment issues and is commitment phobic

sad man and woman

It’s not uncommon to encounter a man with commitment issues these days. In fact, a lot more men are commitment phobic because they want to keep their bachelor lifestyle going.

To a lot of men in general, settling down with a special someone means impending doom. No more nights out with friends, no more going out and mingling with people, no more freedom to pursue personal interests…just spending time with one person forever.

This is the myth that has a lot of single men running for the hills when faced with a potential long-term relationship. Men enjoy their space and freedom. Therefore, they see a budding relationship as a potential threat to that freedom, when in truth, they are simply afraid of putting in the work.

Of course, there are men who have been hurt by past relationships and the remnants of these failed relationships stick with them. This gets in the way of any new relationship and is a hard hurdle to overcome. Others have seen friends get hurt and vow never to allow themselves to be put in that position.

No matter their reasoning, being afraid of commitment should not be an excuse to disappear and hurt a potential significant other. Again, the man should be honest and let the woman know right off the bat so that time and patience won’t be wasted on a relationship that has the potential to go nowhere.

Disappearing because of commitment issues is the work of a coward.

Sometimes it means he doesn’t want a relationship so he keeps things on a certain level

Now, there are men out there who are unsure about what they want. They are constantly changing their minds about what direction they want their lives to go.

By a man’s logic, he wants to be the one in control of the relationship. All relationships are a power struggle and most men aren’t willing to share the control. When things start to shift, the man has to make a choice about whether he wants to pursue the relationship or not.

Unfortunately, he usually will not want to pursue the relationship and find ways to stall it and keep it at a certain level. This is where the disappearing act comes in.

He enjoys spending time with the girl but doesn’t want to hurt her feelings by dumping her. It’s basically a case of wanting his cake and eating it too.

Again, the man is stringing this girl along, keeping her wondering and wanting instead of giving her the freedom to find love with another man. It’s the coward’s way out, in reality, no matter what his intentions are.

Sometimes it means he is not sure how he feels about you

young handsome man outside at house balcony alone looking depressed

Men are notorious for having conflicted feelings about certain things. When it comes to relationships, a lot of men aren’t sure about progressing with the woman they are seeing.

One day, he will be all over you and the next, he will be cold as ice. He can’t seem to make up his mind about anything revolving around the relationship. You may be the girl-next-door type who makes him feel great about himself and he will think he wants a bombshell to have on his arm instead.

He could be the guy who wants to take you on a small getaway one day, and then he will suddenly scrap that idea and want to hang out with his friends instead.

Chances are if he keeps second-guessing his decisions, he is second-guessing how he feels about you. Sadly, this is the sign of a weak relationship and you’re best to move on as quickly as you can. He will not be making his mind up anytime soon and it’s not fair for you to invest your heart and time in him. He’s not worth it.

Instead of second-guessing himself, he should really take a good look at everything going on with his life and being honest with himself instead of pulling away and disappearing.

Sometimes it means he is not that into you

Sadly, this is usually the reason why a man disappears. He believes he gave the relationship a shot and that you’re not the one for him. In man’s logic, he pulls away to avoid breaking your heart when in reality, he is hurting you even more.

There’s no crime in not being in love with a potential mate, however, it’s morally wrong to let them think things are going well when they aren’t. It’s more humane to be honest and to end the relationship before it progresses into something more.

There are a lot of jerks out there who take the coward’s way out instead of being honest and setting these ladies free. It’s despicable and hurtful to string a girl along even though the man isn’t interested.

It’s still no excuse to pull away and disappear.

While there are many reasons why guys disappear and reappear, it all boils down to one sign: MOVE ON!

A man who disappears when things are seemingly going well is not a man you want to pursue a relationship with. No matter the reason he has for his unacceptable behavior, it’s best to walk away and find someone who is more worthy of your time, attention and affection.

Keep your head up high and pursue what you want, not what’s standing in front of you. You owe it to yourself.

About the author

Tina C.

Tina C. is a young “Jill of All Trades” who aspires to be a best-selling author someday. A well-educated, well-read, and well-traveled individual, Tina takes pride in all of her work and loves trying something new.

6 Comments

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  • No. No. No. The reasons above are from a woman’s point of view right? There’s alot of scientific information out there on why guys do this and it’s usually none of the above. Men and women are wired completely differently.

    As awful and unfair as it feels for a woman, if she can remain loving and be patient and welcome him back if he comes back, then he is hers forever.

    I’ve been on the receiving end of this strange male behaviour. It pushed me to the brink… so I did the research to understand it.

    P.S. I have been with men who don’t do this but the passion and connection is not there.

  • This comment is in response to Angeline. I too have been with men who don’t do this, and I have to agree with you… the passion and connection is never there! I just wish there was some way to know for sure that a man will come back or get over this behavior. I too have been pushed to the brink. And to me it’s the hardest thing in the world to go through. One minute you’re on cloud 9 and he seems like he’s 100% about you! It’s like all your dreams are coming true because you want this man in your life so badly! And then the next minute you’re realizing you might not hear from him for a length of time and you just have to sit back and let him come to his own conclusion about what he wants. The guy I want I believe has a fear of committment/ isn’t sure of himself a lot of the time. I know he’s been confused about moving the relationship forward but I also feel such a strong connection with him when we’re really getting along and chatting up a storm. I don’t know what the answer is. I guess to pray and try your hardest not to loose yourself

  • Hey, as a guy I will help you out.
    Ill give away some help here for the ladies.
    1: If he was paying you a lot of attention, always had time for you, always made plans for you, always texted back quickly and then dissapears it will usually come down to either 2 things. The first been that you disrespected or the second you said or did something that he took as rejection.
    This may surprise most women out there but guys are actually really really straight forward, most (90%) do not have the time nor patience to play games. My advise is listen to what he said and in a relationship woman really have to learn to just ask straight out.
    I have been reading some “advise” from people on the internet and I must honestly say most “professionals” and most woman in general have just as much understanding about men as men have about woman. NEVER ignore a man, if you love him , do not play the ignoring game because he will just presume that you have someone else or that you lied about your feelings. A man will walk away in the cases of disrespect, cheating and if he is confused.
    Remember guys feel just as much as women albeit differently and if I guy suddenly drops off the radar , confront him face to face and demand an answer (Yes this will click in his head that he actually means something to you)….if he doesn’t answer and reappears, sit him the F**K down (if you want to try again) and get answers. Guys respond to DIRECT .
    Lastly I read so much on the internet about dating and honestly I can say one thing, FORGET all the advise on dating and the so called professionals, be yourself and when you find the right one he will love you for you not because of some idiotic dating advise.
    Peace out.
    PS: I walked away from my ex a week ago who BTW I am head over heels in love with because of disrespect and because I think she lies because she is not direct!.

  • I would go with John, I am a guy and I’m deeply in love with a woman I used to text her everyday, but she disrespected me in a few issues now I’m ignoring her for a few days but still think about her every minute in my day.

    Ignoring doesn’t always mean you’re not his first priority.

  • This is typical male behavior in most cases. I’ve experienced this myself and so have all my friends and family members. The guy is really interested and into the chase, wants to get to know you by dating you and showing you he is a gentleman. Then, he leaves you to simmer down on the stove while you’re hot for him and persues another girl. He does the same thing to her. He’s got 3 or 4 girls on the stove at one time and can’t decided which one he likes best. In my experience, the girl he dates more frequently, is the girl that is fun and likes to do sporty things, doesn’t nag or ask “what are we,” looks good and healthy and keeps a good job and social life. However, even if he gets his dream girl, he will still see other girls at the same time. He always thinks the grass may be greener on the other side. Now a girl can wait 4-5 years if she’s young enough and he is too, but if he doesn’t commit and give you his time and all his devotion, you have just wasted half a decade. Please don’t think that there may be another guy out there who will be the kind of guy you want, because chances are you will have to wait your turn in line and battle it out again for him too. The ONLY thing that ever stopped the guys that my cousins and friends have dated in their tracts is the day that the BABY is born. Yes, this day, he suddenly becomes a man and no longer a fuckboy. He now has a family, Christmas memories, summer vacations and just too much energy and finances invested. Then comes another baby. And, unless he is a genetically inclined “player,” he will mellow out just fine and settle into MANHOOD. But, it doesn’t stop there because once the kids become teenagers, he’ll want his freedom and youth back. So, don’t ever become the old, boring housemom. You will loose him once those kids go to college and he doesn’t feel desired. Remake yourself into a spontaneous hot, older, mature woman and he”ll stay devoted and follow your every move. Good luck, you will be forever in the clear as the grandbabies come, you keep a hot dinner ready for him, surprise him with a mini vacation on his Harley to some destination in the mountains. He will feel successful and secure. Besides, all the other women are now 70 years old and he can’t get a young hottie because he is now bald, old, fat and ugly. But, he will always be your dream guy. He will understand what life is really about.

    • What a load of negative rubbish Big Sis, just be present with people in the here and now, encourage that in others too. Take each day as it comes and don’t make up stories in your head, be open. Take care of yourself and others. Be balanced. Let the ego go, be honest and true to yourself and those around you. Don’t feel like you have to conform, love yourself.