Many people believe that arguments are inevitable when you’re in a relationship. Even if you and your boyfriend are crazy in love, you can’t be happy with each other all of the time, right? That seems impossible considering all of the stressors of life, both big and small, that can seep into every day.
The problem with believing that fights are absolutely going to happen in a relationship (and are maybe even necessary) is that you might not even realize that you and your guy are fighting way too much.
After all, there’s a huge difference between wondering why he can’t load the dishwasher the way that you want and not being able to even have a regular conversation anymore.
Read on to find out how much fighting in a relationship is too much. If you can relate to any of these, then it’s totally possible that your love story needs some work and that you two need to figure out if you’re even meant to be together.
1.) Social invites are an invitation for a fight
When you and your boyfriend get invited to your BFF’s Christmas party or a mutual friend’s Halloween bash, you’re excited, right? You’re looking forward to seeing your friends and having fun and you know that it’s going to be a great night.
Except… if you and your boyfriend are fighting too much, then social invites are basically invitations for arguments.
Your boyfriend might say that he doesn’t like the people that you hang out with so he doesn’t want to go. He might claim that he’s tired from the work week when he’s actually upset about something that has to do with your relationship (but he’s not talking to you about it).
On the other hand, you might not want to go to something that he’s invited to, either, because you might know that you’re having some problems but you’re afraid to bring those issues up.
If you want to know how much is too much when it comes to fighting in a relationship, the fact that you two are fighting about party or event invitations is a huge sign. This is absolutely too much arguing and shouldn’t be happening.
2.) You’re scared to talk to each other about anything and everything
Couples need to be able to communicate with each other about the things that they like about each other and their relationship… and they also need to be able to come clean about the things that are becoming bigger problems.
It’s not sustainable to continue seeing each other when you’re scared to talk to each other about anything and everything. Unfortunately, if you have a problem with your boyfriend (maybe you don’t think that he’s committing to you enough or you want him to get his dream job instead of complaining all the time), you need to be able to talk to him about it.
When you’re afraid to bring things up because you don’t think that he’s going to respond well, that’s a sign that you’re fighting with each other too much. You really have to be honest with each other about the good and bad things that are going on. Otherwise, it doesn’t seem like you two are very good for each other.
3.) Your attempts at a serious talk turn into a fight
What happens when you make an attempt to have a real, honest, serious conversation with your boyfriend? Does he freak out and act like you’re being mean or yelling at him? Does he say that you’re always upset with him and that he doesn’t feel loved or appreciated?
The fact that your answers to those questions would be “yes” proves that you two are arguing too much and too often.
In a healthy relationship, both partners can chat about anything that they want or need to, and the other person is happy to hear it (even if it’s tough). Each person wants the best for the other and knows that relationships go through tough times as well as happier ones and that it’s in everyone’s best interest, to be honest.
If you can’t talk without fighting, there’s definitely something wrong with your relationship, and it’s time to look at that.
4.) You fight just as much in public as you do when you’re at home
Most couples would agree that fighting at home is better than fighting in public, at least because it’s not quite as embarrassing. The last thing that you want is for your best friend, brother, or mom to see you and your boyfriend yelling at each other over who was supposed to do the laundry or clean your apartment yesterday (or whatever you two are fighting about).
When you fight just as much around other people as you do when it’s just the two of you, you can be sure that you two are fighting much more often than you should be.
This is perfect proof that you two don’t even care who sees or hears you. You’re so mad and upset with each other that you need to let these super negative emotions out no matter where you are or who you’re around.
5.) You’re not on the same page commitment-wise so you just fight
How to move forward in the relationship can be a sore spot for each person. If you want to get married and your boyfriend doesn’t, that can absolutely lead to many arguments. The same thing is true if one of you is ready to move in together or start a family or any number of milestones that couples reach at various points in their relationship.
Sometimes a couple will start fighting a lot because they’re not on the same page about how they should commit to each other. When one person wants something and the other one doesn’t, there are a lot of negative emotions associated with that.
Another issue is that you two have different expectations. While you’re thinking that the relationship will progress one way, your boyfriend thinks that the status quo is just fine. If you two are fighting all of the time about this one issue, then you can be sure that you’re fighting too much because you should be able to talk it through instead.
6.) You have very similar arguments where there are no solutions to any problems
Do you two keep having a very similar fight where you can’t seem to come to any conclusions?
This can be really frustrating since you do love this person and you want the best for them and for your relationship… and yet you can’t imagine how you two can ever move on from this one fight.
Having the same kind of argument every day is a massive sign that there is something wrong here and that you two need to work hard to get back to where you were before (if that’s what you two want and think is best, of course).
No one likes to fight. It’s the worst to argue with someone who you love and who you want to spend your life with. Unfortunately, if you can relate to these six signs that you and your boyfriend might be fighting too much, then you two are definitely in a pretty bad place.
It can be really tough to admit that your relationship has run its course, but it’s a good idea to remember that fights shouldn’t be happening 24/7. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with a few small disagreements, but beyond that, you two should be more loving than not.
Realizing that your fighting is getting out of control might just be the motivation that you need to sit down and have a real talk about where your relationship is headed.