If you have to change who you are for your partner, then they are not the person you are meant to be with. If your partner does not love you for you, then move on and find someone else.
You should never wake up and realize that you are losing yourself in a relationship. Instead, you and your partner are supposed to be thriving together and individually.
If you are losing yourself in a relationship, then one day you will wake up and feel like you are in a prison, you are empty and hollow, and that part of you died.
You will also become very sad, angry, and confused as you continue to have an internal struggle. In fact, if you are losing yourself in a relationship, then you may even grow to hate and resent your partner, while also having lots of regret and the weight of the world on your shoulders.
However, there is something to keep in mind. When you are in a committed relationship that is for the long haul, it is normal to change slightly.
There is a very fine line of changing slightly and doing things for and with your partner, compared to losing yourself completely. In fact, a healthy relationship means that both of you will change slightly for each other as you will both awaken and encourage new parts to be awoken within each other.
This is normal, healthy, and important for a thriving relationship because you will be introducing each other to new things while connecting and bonding.
However, if you are in a relationship that is for the long haul and one of you are losing yourself in the relationship, then that is unhealthy and will cause numerous issues in the relationship.
Essentially if you have lost or are losing yourself in the relationship, your partner doesn’t actually know who you are. Meaning, the person who is losing themselves in the relationship is hiding behind a mask.
This mask will harm you, your partner, and your relationship.
Read on to take YouQueens quiz to see if you are losing yourself in a relationship, and to learn what to do if you are.
Take this quiz to see if you are losing yourself in a relationship. All you have to do is record the score that is associated with the option you chose with each answer.
1) Do you say things even though they are opinions/thoughts/beliefs that your partner doesn’t agree with or think?
– Never, it will change how they view me (5 points)
– Only if it is a very serious time where I must say my thoughts (4 points)
– I try not to because they don’t see that side of me unless it is very important (3 points)
– I sometimes do, it depends on how strong my opinion is and how I think they will react (2 points)
– I only hide my thoughts if I don’t care enough (1 point)
– I always say what is on my mind…I don’t hold back and I have no filter (0 points)
2) Have you changed your personality for your partner?
– Yes, I am a new person (5 points)
– I have changed myself for the most part…I’ve kept a little bit of my former self around though (4 points)
– I have changed my personality for my partner, but only things that aren’t too important to me (3 points)
– I have changed my personality for my partner…but only the bad parts (2 points)
– I have tweaked my personality…nothing serious, just a little adjustment for them to like me more (1 point)
– I have not changed my personality (0 points)
3) Have you changed your appearance for your partner?
– I got a complete makeover (5 points)
– I changed my appearance for the most part…I kept a minor part of my old look (4 points)
– I have changed some parts of my appearance for my partner, but only what I know will make them much more happy (3 points)
– I have changed my appearance for my partner…but only the bad parts that needed to go anyways (2 points)
– I have tweaked my appearance…nothing serious, just something to make them like me even more (1 point)
– I have not changed my appearance (0 points)
4) Have you stopped doing the things you used to love doing because of your partner and relationship (hobbies, activities, fun outings etc.)?
– I had to because they didn’t like any of them and I wanted them to like me (5 points)
– I don’t do most of my hobbies now because it bothers them and they have no interest in them (4 points)
– I don’t do my hobbies anywhere near as often as I used to because of how they view them (3 points)
– I stopped doing some of my hobbies, but I refuse to give up the ones I absolutely love (2 points)
– I have started new hobbies which I actually love even more than my original ones (1 point)
– My hobbies are my hobbies…nothing is going to stop me from doing them (0 points)
5) Do you act differently around your partner than you do when you are with friends and family?
– Of course, I have to so they like me (5 points)
– Only for things where I know they want/need me to act a certain way (4 points)
– I try to act differently when I know that they don’t like how I normally act in certain settings/moments (3 points)
– I sometimes do, it depends on their mood(2 points)
– I only act differently for them because they have opened me up to new things where I naturally, and happily act differently (0 points)
– I don’t change how I act for anyone (0 points)
6) Have you gained or lost weight for your partner?
– Yes, because they will like me more (5 points)
– Slightly, but not too much (3 points)
– No…I am me and I am not changing (0 points)
7) Do you go with whatever they say/want to do/plan?
– Of course, this way they will definitely like me (5 points)
– I do for the most part, it makes our relationship so smooth and easy (4 points)
– I mainly go with what they say because they like being in charge and being right (3 points)
– I just go with it…unless it is something I really don’t think is right for us (2 points)
– We are a team, so we both discuss and chose together (0 points)
8) Do you have a balance of doing things you love, and things you partner loves?
– No, I just do what they want (5 points)
– We mainly do things that they want to do…I don’t get to do much me things with them (4 points)
– We don’t do me things very often (3 points)
– We almost have an equal balance…but they do veto the me things I chose a lot (2 points)
– We almost have an equal balance…but their things still come first (1 point)
– We have a balance of me/them/us things (0 points)
9) Do you recognize yourself?
– No (5 points)
– I recognize myself sometimes…but most times I don’t (4 points)
– I recognize myself most of the times…but I sometimes catch a glimpse of a new side of me (2 points)
– Yes…I may have changed a lot, but I am very happy and love my self (0 points)
– Yes I do recognize myself and I have not lost myself (0 points)
Now that you are done, take a minute and make sure you answered honestly. Once you have made sure of that, add up your points to see your results!
If you got 30-45 points, that means you have changed a lot for your partner and have lost yourself, especially if you are on the higher end of this range.
If you got 15-30 points, it means that you may have changed and lost yourself slightly. However, you still have a good sense of yourself and you can easily find yourself again in the relationship.
If you got 0-15 points, it means that you have changed a bit, and are adjusting while also experimenting within yourself. However, you have not lost yourself in the relationship and you know who you are.
What To Do
No matter what result you got, just remember this. Be yourself, love yourself, and never lose yourself no matter what.
Of course, people change and evolve through new experiences and moments, but you should never lose yourself.
If you have started losing yourself in a relationship, or you have lost yourself entirely, the solution is quite simple.
Bring yourself back to life; tell your partner that you are not acting like yourself and that you want to take off the mask.
This will involve you to be completely honest, open, and to do the things you used to do. Your partner should love and respect you for that.
Your relationship will change as the two of you will have a new dynamic, but it doesn’t mean it will end.
If it doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be, and in your next relationship, remember to be yourself from the very beginning.
However, if it does work out, that means it is meant to be, your relationship is stronger than ever, it is thriving, and that you are now yourself with your partner.
Once you are not losing yourself in the relationship, you will realize how liberating, beautiful, fun, crazy, awesome, exciting, and connected you and your partner are, as you go through this journey of love together.
Best of luck; and remember to be yourself, instead of losing yourself in a relationship!