8 Secret First Date Tips For Men

It’s no secret that most first dates are boring or weird, and we would love nothing more than for guys to learn how we really want them to act the first time we go out.

Us single women go on a lot of first dates… and they’re not always fun. Okay, that’s probably a huge understatement. The entire point of going on a date is getting to know the other person and trying to see if there’s a strong enough connection to see them again (and again and again). Unfortunately, sometimes we get five minutes into our small talk and glass of Chardonnay and want to run out the door and never come back.

There are so many things that guys do on first dates that we wish they never would. It seems inevitable that we’re going to experience these things time and time again.

To all the single guys out there: here are some first date tips for men. Follow this guide and you will be pretty much guaranteed a second date.

1) Don’t be overly confident

Successful intelligent business man relaxing in a luxury restaurant outdoors

When you’re too confident, that crosses over into arrogance, and we really don’t like that. Of all the first date tips for men, we think this is one is the most important. Sure, we like a confident, secure guy and we don’t want someone who’s scared of his own shadow. But we don’t want to go out with someone who thinks he is 100 percent perfect and the coolest person in the world. Pass.

If you want to show that you are happy with who you are and that you enjoy your life, then just show up in a good mood. Be yourself. You don’t have to try too hard to prove that you’re this big macho man or anything like that.

2) Don’t be a conversation hog

Another one of the crucial first date tips for men that we want to spotlight? That would be guys who hog the conversation. Please don’t do this. It should be obvious that on a first date, both of us should be able to talk equally, but unfortunately, sometimes it’s not that clear. We’ve all had the unfortunate experience of just sitting there, nursing our wine, wondering when our date is going to let us get a word in edgewise.

If you’re the only one speaking, then we’re not only going to think that you don’t value what we have to say, but we’re going to get bored and fast. And nothing makes us want a second date less than being totally and completely bored on the first one.

3) Don’t talk about off-limit subjects

Young happy couple sitting at cafe 3

We know that we shouldn’t talk about our ex-boyfriend, how much we want to get married, and what we’re going to call our children. But sometimes guys don’t seem to know that there are off-limit first date topics because they end up bringing up their exes in almost every sentence.

We will have tons of time to discuss this important stuff if we end up dating you. We don’t want to have a super serious conversation right now. We want to get to know you and keep it light and fun. The truth is that if you talk about things that we’ve all agreed are not first date conversation material, we’re going to wonder if you have any dating experience at all, and we might not be into that.

4) Ask us about our job

We really love our careers, so if we could emphasize another one of our first date tips for men, it would be this one. Please, please, please ask us some questions about our job. We will be glad that you took the time and the effort to ask us, and we will think that you care enough to find out more about us (so hopefully you do).

If you don’t ask us about what we do for a living, we’re going to wonder why not. And if we did accept your second date invitation, it would make things pretty awkward if you realized that you have no idea what we do every day. It’s a little late to ask that question.

5) Ask us questions

Happy young couple talking and drinking coffee near the window in cafe

No one, whether male or female, wants a first date that is just a series of random questions that don’t seem to flow or make any sense at all. But questions are still a crucial part of the whole first date experience, and that’s something that is never going to change. After all, we want to get to know you, and we can’t do that without the form of questions.

If you don’t ask us a single thing over the course of the evening, we’re going to think that you don’t like us, that you don’t want to get to know us, and/or you’re totally arrogant (and we’ve already said how much we hate arrogance).

We will totally reciprocate and ask you some stuff about your life and your job and your hobbies, too. We just would love for you to get the conversation rolling and start off by asking us about ourselves.

One of our first date tips for men in terms of questions would be to not turn the date into a job interview, which is a common complaint that a lot of us have. There is such a thing as too many questions, especially if you keep asking us them without giving us a chance to ask you some in return. It’s a give-and-take kind of process.

6) Don’t be boring

We really want to see your personality on a first date. That’s why we’re here and that’s really the entire point.

Here’s the thing: if you don’t show us who you are, especially right now, then we will never know. The reason we go on first dates is to try to get to know the other person and see if we like them. We have all suffered through way too many evenings where we have to rack our brains to come up with something to say because our date is staring into his beer and not saying anything at all.

Of course, there are going to be a few awkward minutes of silence on a first date because we don’t know each other yet and it’s just the way that it goes. But too much dullness is really difficult to take, and it’s what makes us never want to go on another first date again.

There’s no reason to be shy about who you are. We honestly want to get to know the real you.

7) Have fun

Couple have fun in the city

If you’re not having fun on the first date, then we can’t enjoy ourselves, either, and then we’re both going to be totally miserable. That has happened to us on more than one first date and we would really love for it never to happen again.

Sometimes the best way to ensure that you have fun on a first date is to add an activity on to the usual drinks or dinner. Sure, movies are a classic activity, but they can be awkward since we’re basically just staring at a screen while trying not to look at the guy sitting next to us.

Maybe we can browse a bookstore or walk around after grabbing dinner. That gives us a chance to get to know you in a more casual setting, and it might help with any nerves that prevent you from being yourself.

8) Make more than small talk

The truth about small talk is that while it’s a saving grace at parties or work events, it’s pretty much the kiss of death on a date. Here’s one of our most important first date tips for men: please make an effort to talk about more than just the weather.

We get that nerves happen and that’s why you end up chatting about how cold it is this week or how you can’t believe how close it is to Christmas. But it’s definitely worth digging deeper and putting some thought and effort into the conversation.

Think of it this way: now is your chance to have the kind of conversation that could lead to a second date at the very least and true love at the very most. Why wouldn’t you want to take that chance?

First dates are never easy but if they can lead to a love story, they are totally and completely worth it. If these first date tips for men can inspire guys to think a bit more carefully about their first date words and actions, we just might say yes to that all-important second date.

Do you agree with our tips? Do you have any first date tips for men to share of your own? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!

About the author

Aya Tsintziras

Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She loves coffee, barre classes, 90s television and pop culture. She is a food blogger at A Healthy Story and shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories.

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