The Online Chemistry of Love: Real or Just an Illusion

Are you considering online dating? Have you ever wondered if you can meet and love someone just by getting to know them online? Is it real love or something else? Here’s the truth about online chemistry.

Are you thinking about online dating, or have you ever tried it? It can get pretty intense. There’s a reason they say that the pen is mightier than the sword. The thing about online dating, though, is how do you know the chemistry is real? How do you really know if you are, or even can be, in love with someone?

I’ll tell you that from my personal experience, online chemistry of love is not only real, but it’s also very powerful.

Let me tell you about my ex-boyfriend. Those of you who have been my loyal readers for this long (and I thank you and love you all with all of my heart!), you have undoubtedly heard me talk about Joe. The guy I met online, the man I moved to a different continent for, and the man who decided last minute he didn’t want to marry me? Yeah, that’s the guy.

As much as I can (and will) advise you about the dangers of meeting someone online, the truth is, there are more times that it works. Let me explain.

Joe and I met online years ago. He and I became quick and intimate friends and emailed and chatted every day. We eventually got to the point where we talked on the phone, and after a while, I went to visit him. Joe had quickly become my best friend.

Some of those conversations were more than friendly, of course, and when we finally met our mental chemistry and our physical chemistry made for a whirlwind romance. We lasted for about three years, most of it long distance and online.

I can tell you that online chemistry is real.

What the experts say about online chemistry of love

There was this wonderful lab experiment done where two strangers, a man and a woman, were put in a room together and given a series of questions to ask each other. The questions went from casual to more intimate. After about ten minutes of questioning, the strangers were told to stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes.

Can you guess what happened?


You see, the test was to see if you could really fall in love instantly with someone. Six months later, those two strangers were married.

It’s the combination of looking into each other’s eyes (which has been proven to bring two people closer together) and the intimate conversation (which gives a sense of trust and friendship…two absolute essentials in a relationship).

Online dating does that, too.

The trust it creates

When it comes to online chemistry, one of the biggest factors is trust. It’s much harder to trust someone you see and interact with in person everyday than it ever is to trust a stranger you don’t have to talk to unless you feel like turning on your computer.

Because you are the one in charge of when you chat and what you say, your feelings of control actually put you in a position that makes it easier for you to trust someone.

The emotions it awakens

The biggest part of online chemistry, however, isn’t the trust, it’s the emotions you give out to this person on the screen. You’re more willing to share your real feelings with someone who isn’t staring at you, you don’t fear ridicule or judgment, and you are much more likely to actually be yourself when you’re in an online relationship.

The screen time


When it does come time to meet your online love, you and your guy are going to be thrilled to see each other! When you’ve gone from sharing your intimate moments by email and chat, to actually looking into each other’s eyes…there’s magic there. There really is.

Skype, for example, is one of the best ways to feel the chemistry with someone. Now, I’m going to have to warn you here. Just because your guy says all the right things when you want him to, or because you have some really amazing Skype interactions, that does not mean the chemistry will be the same as it is in person. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn’t, most of the time, though, it does.

What else is there?

One of the most important things in any relationship is communication, and online relationships give you plenty of communication. I’m trying online dating right now (for the second time in my life) and I have already weeded out a few guys simply because they didn’t know how to keep a conversation going.

Part of the reason you fall in love with someone is because you can talk to that person and laugh with that person. If you’re having a one sided email, then you’re not going to feel anything.

I will say this, though. I’m intellectually stimulated before I’m physically stimulated. Or, if I’m attracted to a man and he has no personality…I lose all of my attraction towards him. Intelligence, to me, is one of the most important things I look for in a man.

You get a better judgment of someone’s intellectual stimulation through online chatting and online romances. I assume that’s because when you’re together you’re in a position to be able to spend all your time kissing.

Is it real chemistry or an illusion?


Many people believe that the real reason couples are attracted to each other is all about the pheromones. I disagree. I think that instant attraction is all about the pheromones, but long lasting love is much, much more.

Also, love takes time to build. Have you ever noticed that when you fall for someone they’re suddenly the sexiest thing on the planet to you? Have you ever realized that loving somebody makes them beautiful?

As you get to know someone, they become attractive to you. Online chemistry works that way, through emotional attraction. While it is difficult to be with someone you’re not physically attracted to, you’re chances of finding that person more attractive increases with online romance because of the intimate conversations and emotional chats between you.

Emotional chemistry is real. Love is based on emotions. Trust takes time to build, but you might find that it can be easier to build trust with someone you can’t see.

When it comes down to it, online chemistry, online love is a real thing. If you believe that love is based on trust and communication, and if you find that you have to get to know someone before you’re attracted to them, then you already know that online chemistry is real and that online love is possible.

Just remember, be safe when you’re online. Use your judgment. I’ll write more on that later.

Are you going to give online love a try?

About the author


Just another hard working mom who loves her kid, loves to write, can’t cook, and has a thing for tentacles! When I’m not hanging out with my Spawn, I’m happily sharing my dating experiences and offering advice and trying to control the chaos that comes with being human.

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