Why and How to Stop Nagging in 5 Easy Steps

Does your guy accuse you of nagging too much? Would you love more than anything to not have to nag, but fear that nothing will get done if you don’t constantly pester him to do it?

Besides, in your mind you’re not nagging; you’re simply repeatedly reminding him to take care of something that’s his responsibility, right? What can be the harm in that?

What nagging says to him

thinking man portrait

As it turns out, when you continuously tell your guy to do something over and over again, it does damage the relationship; primarily because it damages his self-worth. It makes him feel like you don’t trust him to do things on his own, which is never a good feeling coming from the one you love.

It also puts him in a position where you’re more like his mother than his partner by treating him like a child and telling him what to do. How’s that for changing the way he looks at you in bed at night? Yuck.

Finally, keep saying the same things over and over again and he’ll likely tune you out anyway. It’s no different than when you have the news on and by the second or third time that they repeat the same story, your mind starts to wander. You’ve heard it before so you’re less likely to pay attention because you already know what they’re going to say. This is what he does to you.

So, if nagging has all of these negative effects, why is it something that a lot of women do? Even if you know that it is getting you nowhere?

Why you feel like you have no other choice than to nag

The simple reason most women may nag their guy is that there is something that they want done, maybe it’s even something that he promised to do, that is still left unfinished. They want to cross it off their list, but they just can’t seem to get their guy motivated enough to do it.

Certainly it’s frustrating when you need to rely on someone else to do something for you. That’s why a lot of women eventually give up requesting their man to do it and just take care of it themselves. However, that’s not always the best option.

What was just a little crevice between you and your guy can be turned into a huge ravine when you give up on him and take matters into your own hands. Now you’ve told him that you really don’t trust and, on top of it, you don’t need him either. That can be a huge blow to his fragile little ego.

Another reason women nag is because they fear that if they don’t constantly “remind” him of his duties, they won’t ever get done. They’ll climb to the recesses of his mind, never to be thought of again.

However, you’ve probably noticed that all that nagging isn’t working anyway. You’re no further ahead when you repeatedly tell him what needs to be done.

Now what?

young woman screaming at hapless bearded man

So, what’s the solution to this whole problem? How do you get things done in a timely fashion without having to be his alarm clock of sorts? Easy – quit nagging.

Has your jaw hit the floor? Are you thinking that now nothing will ever get done if you aren’t there constantly pestering him to do it?

Let me ask you just one question, then. How far is nagging getting you right now?

Chances are good that the only things that you’re getting from badgering your guy are headaches and frustration, both of which aren’t doing the situation any good at all. If you truly want to ease your stress and get him off his butt, you absolutely have to quit nagging him and make him want to do whatever it is you want done.

Hmm. Is that possible, you ask? Could he really want to do something on your to-do without you harping on him every waking moment to make it happen? Why, yes it is. Just follow these five easy steps:

Step #1: See things from his point of view

This is probably one of the hardest steps to take because it’s hard to see things from his perspective when all you can see is red. You’re angry that you have to beg for something so simple and you feel let down that he isn’t making your needs a priority.

But, before you decide to just hang him out to dry, try to see things through his eyes. There’s some reason he’s dragging his feet and you might have an easier time getting where you want to be if you understand what it is.

Oftentimes, if you just listen when he speaks, you’ll learn why it is that he’s putting something off. He’ll make a comment or two that will shed some light on the subject and help you realize why he’s not making it a priority.

However, even if your guy is close lipped, you can always just come right out and ask him. Chances are good that he’ll be more than happy to tell you why he doesn’t want to do something.

Step #2: Approach him positively

couple by the fence

One of the absolute worst things you can do when trying to get your guy (or anyone for that matter) to do something you want is to make it a negative experience. The more you ridicule, belittle and talk down to him, the less likely he’s going to do what you ask him to do.

Think about what motivates you to want to do something. Isn’t it when you feel good about it that you’re more willing to do it, right? The same holds true for him. If you make it a positive experience, he’ll find value in completing the task all on his own.

Say and do things that inspire him to want to take care of whatever it is that you are nagging him to do. Give him praise for past actions and let him know how great you feel when you know he has your back on tasks like that. Let him feel like the amazing man that he is and he’ll do things to keep himself on the pedestal in which you’ve placed him.

Step #3: Look for compromise

If you just can’t get him to budge despite knowing why this is difficult for him and praising him for being such a wonderful partner, you may have to reach some sort of compromise in taking care of the task, especially if it is a larger project. Yes, it may feel unfair because you have so many other things you take care of yourself, but if you truly want it done then you may have to step up to the plate and be prepared to lend a helping hand.

Maybe you can decide who will do what tasks or set aside a certain time slot on a weekend to do it as a couple. The project will go much more quickly and you may even enjoy your time together, working as a team.

Looking for a compromise will let him know that you sincerely want the task completed and that you’re willing to do your part to see it happen. That will help him see that you’re not asking him to do something that you’re not willing to do yourself.

Step #4: Bite your tongue

Here’s the kicker ladies: If you want things to change at all, you may be better off biting your tongue at times and withholding any negative comments, no matter how well-deserving you may feel they are. If you want to rant and rave about how much he isn’t doing what you want, do it to a close personal friend, not direct to his face.

Even if you make comments under your breath, he’s going to pick up on your attitude. And, the more attitude you have with him, the less he’s going to want to do anything for you.

Yes, it’s hard to hold back when you’re angry or frustrated, but the payoff is much higher than if horrible, rotten words are spewed from your mouth like lava from an erupting volcano. You may find that you say something you regret and good luck getting any help from him at that point.

Step #5: Love him, regardless

smiling young couple in winter

Remember that your relationship shouldn’t revolve around what he does or doesn’t do on your to-do list. Yes, it helps when you both work together, but that isn’t why you love him, right? You love his sense of humor, the way he holds you that makes you feel secure and the little quirks he has that make you smile.

Even if he is frustrating you, don’t withhold your love and affection from him. That will make him not trust you and may start to form a break in the relationship – a break that may not be able to be repaired.

When you appreciate and love him regardless of the things that get under your skin, he will know that you have his back. And, he’ll be more likely to have yours, which may entice him to do whatever it is you want him to do, perhaps even without asking.

Good relationships don’t just happen. They take work and effort. Put both into yours and you won’t feel the need to nag ever again.

About the author

Christina DeBusk

Changing careers mid-life from law enforcement to writing, Christina spends her days helping others enrich their businesses and personal lives one word at a time.


Click here to post a comment

  • Alright granted most women do these things wrong im one of them but what about the men iv been trying all these posts for months and hes still a complete prick so what now

    • Jordiie ~ If you’ve been trying to work things out and you’re still not getting anywhere, either you may want to seek professional help with your relationship or do some soul searching to determine if it’s worth it. I wish you the best of luck and hope that things work out well for you!