What do you do when he turns out to be the complete opposite of who you thought he was? You might be dating a soft boy. Here are the signs to look out for.
Dating these days means dealing with a lot of popular terms like ghosting, benching, breadcrumbing, and DTR (define the relationship). You already know that not every guy that you meet is going to be your boyfriend… or even someone that you go on a second or third date with. When you’re single, you end up going on a lot of first dates and that doesn’t seem to ever change.
There’s a new guy in town and he’s called a soft boy. This is definitely not someone that you want to get involved with because at first, he seems super innocent and you’re going to be charmed by him. You won’t have any idea that he’s the wrong kind of guy to date.
Wondering if you’re dating a soft boy? You just might be. And maybe you have even encountered him before. Read to find out the signs that you are dating a soft boy.
The number one thing that you should know about a soft boy is that he is very sensitive.
Of course, you want a sensitive guy. Who wouldn’t? You’re sick and tired of guys who refuse to admit how they feel about you and who refuse to admit how they feel about anything at all.
So at first, the soft boy is really awesome because he’s pretty much the definition of sensitive. You are interested in that since you want someone with thoughts and feelings. Then you get to know him and realize that it’s a bad thing that he is so sensitive. He can’t handle his life.
If you date a soft boy for even just a few months, you will realize that he’s a jerk… and he knows it. If you want to know the signs that you are dating a soft boy, then remember this: he’s self-aware.
You may be ready to leave him in the dust with all your other boyfriends (or almost boyfriends). But he will tell you not to. He will say that he’s been a jerk and he knows it. But it’s not his fault because he’s going through a rough time.
He can’t commit to you right now because he’s going through something and he’s not ready for a real relationship. He thinks that you will be okay with him not committing to you and treating you badly since he explained that he can’t handle having a girlfriend.
When a guy tells you this, you honestly want to run the other way. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. Period.
Again, the soft boy is very sensitive, so he will want you to help him with the problems in his life. He might even want you to save him. He believes that you can… at least for a little while. You can probably guess that this won’t work out well for either one of you.
This is the very definition of emotional manipulation. It’s not something that you need in your dating life. You’re not responsible for someone else’s happiness and it’s not fair if someone tries to put that on you.
You’ve probably noticed that most guys aren’t super emotional, right? Sure, you might catch your boyfriend tearing up at the movies or struggling not to cry when you’re mad at him. But for the most part, guys aren’t supposed to cry. That may be a stereotype but either way, it seems to be true.
A soft boy is in tune with his emotions. He feels a lot of feelings… all at the same time. He will show you just how emotional he is. At first, this will be an awesome change of scene from other guys you’ve dated who were scared to show even one ounce of emotion. But soon it will become the same old, same old.
If your new guy cries in front of you on a regular basis, he is trying to get you to feel sorry for him. It usually works. So you will have no clue that he’s really what is considered a soft boy.
From work drama to personal problems, this guy’s life has more drama than a teen soap opera. You know, one of those shows where every character is cheating on someone else and there are love triangles and hurt feelings galore.
If you want to know the signs that you are dating a soft boy, then think about this: if the guy you’re dating is always worried about something and always in crisis mode, then you have your answer.
Reasons and excuses are the same things for a guy who is a soft boy.
When you tell your best friends why this guy hasn’t become your official boyfriend yet, you tell them that he’s going through something or things aren’t good at work. Your BFFs know that something is very wrong and they will think that you are being naïve.
You totally believe this guy and think that all his excuses make sense… which is the strange power of the soft boy.
You may think that you’re in charge of your new relationship or that it’s a two-way street, but if you’re dealing with this kind of guy, you’re not.
He wants to keep you in his life but he’s not prepared to fully become a part of your own. So you will feel like you kind of have a boyfriend… but only when he wants to be one.
That means that sometimes, he will act like the perfect boyfriend and other times, he will cancel on you last minute and make you feel terrible.
When you date this type of guy, you probably never leave either one of your apartments. He won’t ever want to do anything special and he won’t even do something normal like go to the movies to your best friend’s birthday party.
You won’t ever do anything but Netflix and chill or talk about his problems. He can’t deal with life and he doesn’t’ seem to care about anything.
He’s also the kind of guy who shrugs when you ask him what TV show he wants to watch tonight or where things are going with the two of you. He responds to everything with a shrug and it will feel like walking through mud when you try to get through to him.
Another sign that you are dating a soft boy? If the guy that you are seeing will never apologize because he doesn’t think that he needs to.
Why would he say that he’s sorry? After all, he’s explained to you that he has a lot of stuff going on in his life, and that’s why he can’t be the person that you want him to be. You get it, don’t you?
Well, you don’t… because you can tell that he’s not the best boyfriend to have. He’s the kind of guy that you need to avoid at all costs if you want your love life to be anything but a total and utter disaster.
Dating is not always the most fun thing out there, and when you’re dating a guy that’s not right for you, the whole thing becomes even more miserable.
By now you know the signs that you are dating a soft boy and know how to recognize these people when you see them. It’s always better to be safe than sorry so if someone is showing early signs of this, it’s best to cut things off and move on. You deserve so much better.
Have you ever dated someone that you think could be considered a soft boy? Do you think there are other qualities that someone like this has? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She loves coffee, barre classes, 90s television and pop culture. She is a food blogger at A Healthy Story and shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories.
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