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How to Be a Sexy Dominatrix

You don’t have to be into hardcore S&M to reap the sexual rewards of being an assertive lover. Find out how to order your boyfriend about in the bedroom and make sure he loves every minute of it!

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What is it about dominant women that makes guys go ga-ga? Do men really want us to take the lead and assert our power in the bedroom?

The secret is that it’s the confidence that most men are attracted to. It’s not that they want to be bossed around, told what to do and where to put it – unless they are truly into S&M.

Ordinary men just love to see a woman who knows she’s in control and feels good about herself. It’s sexy, it’s a tease, it’s totally hot! Let me show you how it’s done…

The Assertive Woman

A boyfriend of mine, who was a fair bit older than me, once told me that most of the women he had been attracted to in the past were older than him, and sexually dominant. I often wondered what it was he saw in me then!

I was young and fairly reserved when it came to anything sexual, and certainly not aggressive. In the end I realised that it was more than just a dominant woman that turned him on; it was a woman who is sure of herself, a confident female, someone who is in control of their world – and I was all of these things, you probably are too!

He admired me for it. With that knowledge I figured that I could bring that confidence into the bedroom quite naturally. It was all about feeling good about myself and knowing what I want.

The fantasy of a dominant, and sexually assertive woman can be extended to anything or anyone – you might be older and more experienced, you might be someone’s boss, you might just be a stroppy control freak who likes to have things her way.

On the other hand you could also be young and innocent but be confident about your virginal ways – a man can also find it sexy when you assert your boundaries.

So basically it doesn’t matter who you are or what you are, YOU are perfectly capable of pulling off the role of a sexy dominatrix lover, in your own sweet sexy way. Let’s explore…

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#1 Choose Your Seductive Attire

Traditionally a Dominatrix wears black leather or PVC because it is raw and suggestive of a creature that is a little bit dangerous, she is someone you shouldn’t mess with.

If you want to have fun and step into this traditional role then find something tight-fitting with strong lines that makes you feel powerful and accentuates all of your best assets.

High lethal-looking heels are a must, and anything that reveals your cleavage, waist and legs is perfect. Alternatively you could go for any outfit that resembles someone in control; for example a police officer outfit, a sexy and revealing business suit – don’t forget those heels! You could even go for a Gothic vampire, or something completely out of this world – an outfit from the future?

Remember: The aim is to go for something that makes you feel good and turns him on; even if it is simply some sensual lingerie beneath a silk robe that you can pull open to reveal yourself at any point you wish, because you are in control! The anticipation will drive him wild.

A traditional dominatrix would normally wear her hair in a harsh no-nonsense style, pulled back tightly away from her face in a high, slick ponytail that falls straights down her back. You want him to be able to see all of your face so that he can clearly see the pleasure or displeasure you want to express to him.

Make-up is usually dark, dramatic and seductive. Hot red lips and nails add to the fantasy and eroticism. Make your eyes up so that they are endearing, or alternatively wear a sexy mask to add to the drama and mystery! Some women find it easier to take control from behind a mask, and often couples find it easier to detach from their everyday roles when they can’t see each their faces.

Shoes are important. Will you wear knee-high boots with spiky heels for height and authority, to march around it and dig into his back as punishment? Or will you go bare-foot and have him kiss and massage your toes in loving submissive worship?

#2 Let Him Know His Place Immediately

For it to work, he has to know exactly what to expect from you, and what you expect from him. A good way to do this without having to explain his role is to keep him low down.

Adopt a prop that you can playfully use to drive the message home. You can use anything from the whips and riding crops designed for dominant/submissive play, or whatever you can find lying around the house.

For example…

  • The remote control – If the sexual scenario has cropped up quite by accident while you are both messing about in the living room – sometimes spontaneous sub/dom games between amateur couples can be the most fun because they are unexpected, exciting and you just don’t know where it’s going to lead!
  • Kitchen utensil - but I would avoid the knife drawer. Go for a spatula. It’s not really for use, more of a reminder of who’s the boss.
  • Hairbrush – to symbolise the power of the feminine!

You can also order your man not to look at you, and punish him playfully if he does until he gets the picture. If he’s is a very naughty boy and can’t keep his eyes off you – who would blame him, you are looking damn fine in your dominatrix gear - simply blindfold him with a silky scarf.

He will instantly feel vulnerable; maybe that will help him step into role! You can also play about with restraints.

Step 3: Prepare Your Props

There are sooooo many toys and props you can bring into the game. It can be a good idea to have thought of some beforehand, and what you might do with them, so you don’t end up losing your cool sexy dominatrix attitude at the vital moments. Here are some ideas…

1. Handcuffs or scarves to tie him up with.

2. A variety of textured tools to probe him with.

3. Whip-like objects to reprimand him with.

4. Fruit or other sensual foods to reward him with.

5. Feathers and brushes to torment and tease him with.

6. Ice cubes and/or candle wax for pleasure/pain boundaries.

7. Blind folds and/or gags to limit his senses.

8. Music and candles to set the scene.

9. Vibrators and dildos for your pleasure.

10. A safe word if you intend to get risque.

#4 Prepare Your Plan of Action

Having a sequence of tasks prepared will help to guide you through your Dominatrix session with confidence.

You should start off with simple tasks that establish the mistress/slave rapport between you both. If you do this it will help you to slip into your role as Dominatrix, and also help him to accept it.

Tasks are usually things that you ask your sub to do for you. The trick to tasking is to make sure that the aim is to pleasure or please you first, but that it also provides rewards for him while he is doing it. Keep in mind that these rewards should be sexual in nature.

But how can being tasked be pleasurable for him?

It’s simple, the trick is to restrict his overall pleasure and only allow him to experience pleasure bit by bit, so that he appreciates each bit all the more. For example, if you want him to lick your nipples, make sure that he can’t see you, or that his hands are restricted from touching you.

His task is only to lick your nipples, anything more is disobedience and should be reprimanded with a tap on the back or the bum with your punishment prop – which he will probably like too! It’s exciting because its a play of discipline, and it’s all so very erotic!

Here are some ideas to get you going…

1. Instruct him to give you a foot massage, but open your legs wide and reward him with a clear view of your intimate area.

2. Ask him to pleasure you blind folded.

3. Order him to stand in front of a mirror and not to look back, then undress into your next outfit behind him so that he can only see you in the reflection.

4. Get him on his hands and knees and lead him around the room with a collar and leash, describing the next task.

5. Tell him to prepare you a platter of cut fresh fruit and sit on the kitchen surface in stockings and suspenders, with no knickers or bra. He’s not allowed to touch you, but his reward is to admire your curvaceous feminine body.

Playing the role of a Dominatrix will give you a sense of sexual freedom, and make you feel like a Goddess. Every woman should be doing it!

And remember, you don’t have to go all out and be a full-on Dominatrix every time, but incorporating elements into your sex-life can be fun and rewarding. Enjoy…

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I am inspired by the ways people interact. Human behaviour and emotions are wonderfully complex, and I want to dig deeper and understand more. This is why I explore intimate relationships in my writing. (I’m also ever so slightly kinky.)

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