Kudos to the men out there who have the nerve to date a damaged woman, picking up the pieces of the broken heart, that you had nothing to do with, and gently putting it back together. In case you never hear it from your loved one, I will say it: thank you. Without you, we would have never dared to dream or love again.
Yes, I am a damaged woman. What are we like? We are constantly looking for the flaws that we perceive all men to have, waiting for that ‘ah ha’ moment when we can say, “See! I knew that he was too good to be true”.
Do we know that this is not fair? Absolutely, but please don’t hate us for it. You see, when we last loved, we gambled everything. When we lost, it made the stock market crash of 1929 look like the prequel to our life. We bet everything within us on that happy ever after.
Now that we have somehow found the courage to poke our heads out and smell the roses, we can’t help but being like Chicken Little. We see how wonderful you are and how much you are really trying to show us that you have no intention of hurting us, but sometimes, it all comes flooding back, and we cannot help it. Please be patient; there are more of us than there are of you. If you don’t follow through with me, you will with the next.
What can I offer to you as advice?
Be very mindful—more mindful than you have ever had to be in your life! Think like us. Put yourself in our shoes, even if that means creating imaginary scenarios that are too farfetched to even possibly be true because there is a good chance that they are.
There are so many deep, dark secrets that we can barely admit to ourselves in the dead of night, let alone, ever admit to you. When we suddenly go quiet or off radar, that is a good indication that something was said or done that triggered that pain again.
They say that time heals the pain, but that is not true. It never goes away; it just gets placed further back in our minds and hearts until, one day, we no longer can recall the address we filed it under.
Are we worth it?
Who doesn’t want the kind of love we gave to the man we were with? He may have been the wrong man, but the love is what YOU are looking for. Instead of looking at us like we are weak and could have done better, look at it like it were you we loved first, before our hearts were broken. Wouldn’t you want a woman to love you that fiercely and with that much devotion?
Most of us have stayed, trying, until we have lost everything, including our minds and dignity. It may not be a perfect love, but it is true love. Love that wasn’t looking for anything but love in return—not your bank account, cars or prestige. Just you.
Is it going to be easy?
That is the tricky part. No. Never. But, what worth having is? If the brave knights had ran away at the first sign of the dragons, they would never have rescued the princess, locked in the tower.
If you run away, after you have awakened even the slightest bit of hope, you would have been better off eating Cheetos on your own couch. When you do walk away, we know that you are dealing with your own insecurities too, but, being little girls at heart, we were truly hoping that you were man enough to face your demons and come and help us fight ours. When you don’t, we put you in the class with the other men, and think you are all the same.
We are more like you than you know
Women like us, have standards. We have made it this far, without becoming like some of our own kind who have started wearing their daughters’ clothes, even though they are two sizes too small and twenty years too old. We are not out there shaking it and sharing it with the men whom we despise. So, please see that.
You want a woman you can respect, then earn it. It’s not a job interview, but it is a position for a lifetime that we are looking to fill. If you want to fill it, be who we need you to be. That doesn’t mean changing who you are. If we didn’t like you to start with, I promise you, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. All we are asking is for you to try—and don’t quit when you get scared.
We are worth it. I promise!
The strong, self loving and self respecting man in me outright disagrees with this. Why would I subject myself to another’s emotional instability? let alone one who thinks it can’t be directly treated by counseling, therapy and heck perhaps even medication(only when combined with therapy) if bad enough .
But another more nuturing and loving part of me knows these woman can be the best, most committed of any-type of girl. Not always level-headed, but 100% dedicated.
No man can fix a broken woman. Only God can. The writer doesn’t need a man, they need an idol to worship; a God; and I definitely don’t want to be your idol. That man would be miserable. The reason you get into such a position in the first place is by taking your identity and worth from the actions of a human being; don’t make the same mistake again. Only God can truly satisfy.
If you are a fellow “Red Pill” man then you’ve probably scoffed more than a few times whilst reading this article and the toxicity it contains.
Any woman who gives you a prerequisite for being a man is not worth your time and will cost you great emotional and perhaps also financial loss. There is no such thing as “man enough” to sacrifice your own wellbeing trying to “help” a woman who will make your life miserable.
If you believe the lamb on the altar is feeling man enough for it’s generous self-sacrifice for the wellbeing of the people killing it then I can’t get through to you.
The entitlement in this writing is also staring at you. Talk of rescuing princesses from dragons as a comparison. The fact is, a princess has very high value, marry her and you may one day be king, if not you at least get a lot of riches and land to come with her, if you have nothing to lose then sure, it may be worth risking your life for. Even if she turns out to be a bitch, you’re still rich and much better off and you can just avoid her. Damaged women are NOT princesses in need of a rescuer. They are the It’s this attitude of “I’m a victim in need of being rescued” that will cause you a lot of trouble. If she can’t take responsibility for her emotions and have a shred of accountability then leave her. She won’t get better.
Gentleman, she needs a therapist, not a lover. You can’t “save” her. You can care for her, and by that I mean offer her your sympathy… and the contact details of a good mental health professional.
I agree with other comments. Dating woman like that leads to codependent relationships that are always toxic and very destructive. Thinking that other people can save you is complete nonsense and fairy tale, not reality. Only you can love yourself whole again. No matter how much love you give to woman like that, it is ALWAYS love wasted. You will treat us like sh*t, and then you think you are entitled to be understood and forgiven again and again? LOL. No man who has at least little bit of dignity will stay in relationship where he aways get disrespected, pushed away or mistreated. Broken women (and men) need therapists and they should be as far as they can from relationships. They just end up hurting other people.
While I feel for the women that are broken, I still wouldn’t date someone I have to work hard to fix. After all, I was raised to handle myself and only tend to those who are emotionally healthy. And no one wants to fix a broken male, so why would I be “man enough” to battle what I WAS TOLD TO BE MAN ENOUGH TO HANDLE ON MY OWN? Lol
Good luck, though. :)
Ive fallen for a Girl that is really emotionally damaged she has opened up and talked about it some but as a whole I constantly feel like im being kept at a distance,… I don’t want to push her, but I do want to help her through this, patience isn’t a problem for me I just really need advice from somebody that has done this before?
It’s absolutely terrible that women get damaged by bad people, but I know, from personal experience, that I can’t give myself to a woman who has given her mind and body to an evil person, just to be abused and thrown away. No matter how hard my conscious mind wants to be her knight and try my hardest to love her, my subconscious mind won’t give me peace. It hurts me tremendously, and it’s not fair for her to ask me to suffer because of her past choices. I can’t share my life with the damaged residue of another man. I really think she needs therapy and as much support as possible to ease her suffering instead of another man to help numb the pain at his expense.